


River Bend

by ParallelAnnjxx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Eremin - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Mystery, Nature, Reincarnation, Romantic Fluff, Surreal, connected with canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-16 20:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParallelAnnjxx/pseuds/ParallelAnnjxx
Summary: Eren is keeping a secret from Armin, but it seems like he is not the only one.PS: Not discontinued, only Slow Updates!P.s.s: I won’t be able to finish this story as fast as I used to. I’m very busy with life, but I’ll finish it properly one day soon. I won’t let it unfinished forever because I care about this fic. Hope you all understand. Thank you.( I must admit I don’t know if there’s still people reading this story cause of the lack of comments on the latest chapters, so unfortunately, this made me step back from updating it as often as I did in the beginning. But thanks for you support so far! Bless y’all!)





	1. Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Ok first of all, It’s my first time writing a fic. I’m not so used to it. haha! English is not my native language but I’m trying my best for making it looks fine. So bare with me on that, please. Sorry if there’s mistakes! I started writing it out of nowhere. I just needed to try something.. and I wrote more than I thought I would.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

_Blue pastel sky_

_Ocean eyes_

_An invisible thread connecting our hearts_

_You were smiling at me so beautifully. The waving motion of the water brushing my feet. You were confident for a change. I found myself drowning in your gaze. Those eyes of yours. Seeing a bright new light within them. I wasn’t able to look away. Why would I have done that, anyway? No. I didn’t know I had the right to reach such a thing. You were seeing the world in bright colors while everything remained grey in mine. But you changed that. You changed everything I always thought I knew. Armin, how do you do that to me every single time?_

 

  
"Eren? Are you even listening to me?"

 

  
"Uh? Oh... Sorry! I’m just lost in thoughts."

 

  
"You know, we may call it a day and- Ok, why are you smiling like that?"

 

 

"I can’t help it."

 

 

"Oh, no. Please, don’t tell me you are planning to play a trick on me, again. I swear, Eren! I’m going to kill you If you dare put another animal in my tent. This time I won’t—"

 

 

Yeah. That’s right. Armin and I went on an expedition together. We had reached the ocean yesterday and as we were exploring the area, we decided to live the adventure like nomads. This morning, we had set up our camp by a river. Armin told me it was called a meander. What the heck is that, anyway?

 

  
Meh, who cares.

 

  
What I know is that I can’t even remember the last time I felt that unworried and It feels so great to be free, here, alone with my best friend.

 

 

"Armin, calm down. " I said, trying to contain my laughter. I failed miserably. "I’m just thinking about something pleasant. That’s all."

 

 

"Oh... Do you mind being clearer?" he asked. Curiosity evident in his voice.

 

 

"It’s a secret." I shyly said. Unconsciously, my smile turned into a grin and I couldn’t stop it.

 

 

"Alright then. No marshmallows for you." He winked with a smirk on his lips.

 

 

"Wh- what? Wait! Not fair!"

 

 

"Tell me what’s on your mind and it’s all yours. So... what’s so funny?" he said, shaking the bag slightly in the air.

 

 

I sighed to that. How am I supposed to say it without sounding weird?

 

 

"You..."

 

 

Wow! Bravo, Eren! So freaking blunt.

 

 

"Excuse me?"

 

 

"You heard it right."

 

 

There was a silence settling, leaving the air hard to breathe. Only the fire crackling sound remained. Why am I so bad when it comes to subtleness? My mouth is dry, now. Oh god, I feel like dying of embarrassment. Well. Isn’t it normal to think of your best friend like that? It must be, right? I haven’t said too much and— ok, why Armin look so flustered?

 

 

" What... What do you mean by that? " he said, playing with his hands. They seemed very interesting suddenly.

 

 

" Well, " I took a deep breath and released it sharply "... It’s not easy for me to say out loud what I’m thinking. But... let’s say that I’m very happy you are in my life. I'm very blessed. Thank you for being here. " I spoke the words as they meant the world to me. I gave him a tender smile and I could see his expression changing into something unreadable. I have never seen Armin like that before. That’s almost comical. Why am I so concerned about it? He looks so cute. Is that my heart in my ears? I can’t hear me thinking anymore!

 

 

Geez, shut up!!

 

 

"Eren, I should be the one saying that. Not you. If only you knew..." The words were so soft on his tongue, I barely heard them. As if they were not meant to be heard.

 

 

"Uh? What are you even saying? "

 

 

He lifted his eyes to meet mines and there was something different with them. I can’t put my finger on it, though, and It was killing me.

 

 

" Nothing! Hmm... I’m tired. We should go to sleep. Don’t you think? We have a lot to do tomorrow. " he said, keeping his sight on the dancing fire before him as he gets up a little too fast.

 

 

What’s with the weird atmosphere?

 

 

"There. A deal is a deal." He threw the bag of marshmallows in my direction for me to catch it. He smiled but his mind seemed miles away.

 

 

"No! Wait, Armin!" I managed to get up on my feet, trying to stop Armin to leave. "What’s wrong?"

 

 

"I’m just feeling dizzy. I must be exhausted. That’s all." He answered, not even looking at me.

 

 

Something was off. I know him way too well to believe in what he was just telling me. It wasn’t about tiredness. I’m pretty sure of it. He doesn’t even look me straight up in the eyes and he seemed so unsure of himself. I took his face in my hands for making him face me properly.

 

 

"Armin! I can tell when you’re lying. Tell me what’s wrong." He was kind of feverish though, I must admit, or was it the heat of the fire causing it?

 

 

And he laughed. A sweet genuine laugh. It caught me off guard.

 

 

"I’m so ridiculous." he said.

 

 

"Ok, I’m so lost now."

 

 

"Let's drop it for tonight, Eren. I’m not ready to talk about it." He removed my hands gently from his cheeks as he gave me an apologetic smile. "We should put out the fire. Are you going to bed too?"

 

 

I was so confused. A second ago, I was the one keeping a secret. Now, it was the complete opposite.

 

 

Armin... honestly.

 

 

"Y-yeah." was all I managed to say. It might be better to drop the subject. It was getting late, anyway.

 

 

After we extinguished the fire and walked to our respective tents, we exchanged goodnights and went to bed.

 

 

At least, that’s what I thought.

 

 

"Oh god, I can’t fucking sleep!" I muttered to myself. Hiding my face in the pillow.

 

 

I had no idea how many minutes or hours passed by but my eyes were wide open. That was then that I heard something moving outside, making me sit up straight in my sleeping bag.

 

 

Please, it’s better to be Armin. I don’t want to deal with a beast.

 

 

When the sound seemed like nothing but a whisper in the wind, I leaned in to reach for the tent zipper, unzipping it carefully, as I saw something sitting by the river. Golden hair dancing in the wind, shining slightly under the moonlight. Armin was sitting there. All alone.


	2. Sun at Night

So, It wasn’t just me. What's going on, honestly? What are you even thinking Armin? Ugh! Too bad. I have to get out. I need to pee!

 

I made myself subtle enough to sneak out off the tent. I’m surprised I didn’t trip over something on my way. God knows how bad lucked I can get sometimes, besides the fact that it was really dark in the wood. I should have taken a flashlight with me.

 

I went further through the forest, just enough to be unseen, without making a sound or leaving any trace of my presence. When I found my way back to our location, Armin was still there. He didn’t seem to have noticed I was there.

 

I should probably get back to sleep, Now. Yeah. He surely wants to be alone.

 

Then, why the hell am I doing walking towards Him?!

 

Thanks to my super logic! I hate myself sometimes. What should I do, now? Wait. Why Am I panicking like this? This is just Armin, right? Why am I'm getting so nervous? Does my body know something my mind doesn’t?

 

Fucker! Tell me!!

 

The air was warm. The moonlight clear. The river flow was making a peaceful melody through the wind. As I was getting closer to Armin, I stopped my pace. I was there. Immobile. Unsure.

 

And then, he got up. Still not facing me. His gaze remaining on the moving water. Hair dancing gently in the wind.

 

I took a step back. I mean, I tried! And there goes all my luck. I fell very badly backward on the ground.

 

Stupid rock!

 

''Ow, shit!'' I cried out.

 

Way to go Eren Jaeger!

 

Obviously, it made Armin jump at the impact. Making him lose his balance as he turned around a little too fast in the process.

 

''Ere-''

 

There was an audible gasp. Then, everything around was moving so slow, yet so fast. I have no idea how I managed to get up so quickly, but I did. Cold water wrapping our bodies, marrying every parcel of it. I was clutching him to me so tightly, as we were dragged by the current. When we emerged out of the surface, I reached the bottom of the river fast enough to stand up. I was struggling with all my will against the flow, Armin against me. As we weren't so far from the river's edge, I extended my free arm to get ahold of it. The minute after, we were both laying there on the ground, panting, all soaked and disoriented.

 

''Gosh. That was close...'' I said, out of breath. ''... And too freaking cold. Are you alright Armin?'' I leveled up my eyes when Armin wasn’t replying. As I did, I noticed our proximity and how the moon was lighting up those big blue eyes. Before I knew, I was staring. Losing myself in the stars reflecting in them. Our eyes stuck in each other's gaze.

 

Gosh. I am so attracted to them.

 

We stayed like that for a bit too long, until Armin broke the contact. He lingered his eyes on the starry sky and then he closed them firmly, removing the excess of water from his face with the back of his hand.

 

''A-are you hurt?'' I asked. My voice was shaking slightly. The cold water didn’t help. At least, it was warm outside, but I shivered at the sudden breeze on my skin.

 

  
''No, no I’m not.'' He said. Even though he was hiding his face behind his arm, I could swear I saw him blush, but it was a little too dark to tell, at this point.

 

''Thanks, god.'' I whispered as I leaned my head against his shoulder. I felt kind of tired, suddenly. All my muscles went numb as I was laying half on top of Armin. I could have fallen asleep there, with this familiar scent. Heck. What am I even doing? I did it without thinking. But he is so comfy. Armin is the best pillow ever. I feel at home, here.

 

''Uh… Eren? Wha- what are you doing?''

 

''Shhh. I’m sleepy.''

 

''What? B-but... We shall go back-''

 

''Armin… Don’t you miss the time we were sleeping like this when we were kids? I mean, not that I mind us now but... It’s kind of nostalgic, isn’t it?''

 

''I’m. Well. I mean-'' He paused, a loss for words. ''Kind of.''

 

''When did we stop? That wasn’t our best idea.''

 

Armin giggled at that. ''Eren, I’m sure seventeen years old teenagers don’t sleep with their friends like that. Besides the fact that... we’re boys.''

 

''So what?''

 

''Well... not that I mind but I guess... It’s not well seen.''

 

''As if I care what people think. I wasn’t even able to close an eye earlier... Now I feel like I can sleep forever. You are a goddamn magic pillow!''

 

''About that... why are you here? Were you spying on me or something?''

 

''Oh! Right. No!!'' My eyes widened suddenly. I bit my lips hard to that. ''Actually, I needed to pee...'' Which is true. ''And I saw you there... and I don’t remember why but before I knew I was standing there.''

 

''Oh. I see.''

 

''Wait a second!'' I lifted my head for seeing him properly. ''I should be the one asking. You told me you were tired but I found you all alone here. Are you sure everything is all right? You know you can tell me everything.''

 

He laughed shyly. A soft inner laugh twisted with nervosity. he was clearly averting my eyes. ''I can’t...''

 

''But why? What did I say for making you act like that? You are averting me and I can't know why? What did I do wrong?''

 

''E-Eren! No! You did nothing wrong. I’m just… I’m lost. I don’t know if I can even tell you about that. It’s not an easy thing to talk about. I need time to think. I need to-'' Then, he paused, frowning slightly, as he lowered his eyes and took a deep breath before softly releasing it. ''Sorry, I don’t feel like I can say it.''

 

''It's almost like you are reading me. That’s.. That’s exactly how I felt when you asked me, you know? I mean… when you asked me what was on my mind back then. It's almost like we are hiding the same thing. Isn’t that silly?” I laughed then... I realized that maybe... It was. It hit me like a truck and my mouth fell open at the thought. I've never thought of the possibility of... Maybe he... All I know is... I want to...

 

Oh.

 

My heart was thundering so loud in my chest. I was starting to feel uneasy, yet hopeful and... kind of excited, honestly.

 

''Armin... Can I ask you something?'' I asked as I sat beside him.

 

''What is it?''

 

''Is your heart beating loud in your chest, right now?''

 

''Uh?! Wha-what do you mean- my heart? You-” His voice cracked at the end. He sat up straight and seemed like he didn't know where to hide.

 

Ok, he was blushing now I was able to confirm it. That’s a good hint, Right? That’s a start...

 

I cleared my throat before continuing. ''What I mean is... did you ever felt your stomach twisting and then your heart starts beating so fast that you can’t think straight at all and suddenly your face becomes very hot?''

 

''…why that question?''

 

''Am I sick? Is that even curable?''

 

''Eren… Are you-''

 

''What? You know what that is? Please don’t tell me I’m going to die.. because I feel like it.''

 

''If that’s what I'm thinking... No. Don’t worry. Well... Technically. I think.'' he answered, his eyes lost in thoughts. ''Eren. We should probably head back to the camp... Besides I’m kind of uncomfortable now in those wet clothes.''

 

''Can I ask you something else?''

 

''What?''

 

''Can- Can I try something?''

 

''What do you mea- Eren?... What are you do-''

 

There.

 

Our lips were pressed together. The kiss was so soft and so warm. It wasn't even clumsy, in my own surprise. It's almost like we were meant to merge with each other. And then, I knew. I knew without a doubt what my body was screaming for all along. The other half I was looking for without knowing. It was under my nose all this time.

 

Is that how it tastes to kiss the sun at night?


	3. Beneath The Azure Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Finally updated! :) 
> 
> By the way if you want to follow me on tumblr my account is : Annjxx  
> Feel free to talk to me or leaving comments! It would makes me very happy to hear you! 
> 
> Ciao! See you next chapter! :D

The sun was slightly rising over the horizon, cuddling the soft azure sky slowly showing.

 

Blue.

 

Blue as your eyes. All the shades of blue they might contain. I'm certain I can name them all.

 

  
The weather.

 

  
So perfect whenever you are around. Or maybe this is just me. who knows. All I know is you bring warmth inside of me. You are radiant. I can't let go of you. Now that I know what it tastes like, there's a fire in my chest crackling like crazy, setting free. It's almost impossible for me to stop myself.

 

 

The sweetness of Armin's lips and the way they tasted like heaven. I didn't know he could make me feel higher above. What's the limit, Armin? Show me. Gosh. Please.

 

  
If that's what we were missing since all this time... I don't understand how I've never tried it before.

 

  
When we slowly parted, Armin's eyes were still closed. Mines, partly enough to see him as he leaned in for a second round. And then, we were attracted back together like magnets. The kiss was a bit more needy, this time. His thumbs gently caressing my cheeks as he was keeping me in place. I lose my balance, for a second, as I shivered at the touch, melting in this tangible delight.

 

 

I never knew I was so blind before. Keep remembering me, Armin, how the world has still innocence.

 

 

Then, he paused. His lips still brushing mines as he softly whispered ''Sorry.''

 

 

I opened up my eyes fully at that. Dizziness fighting me. ''Sorry? Why?'' I frowned in confusion. I tried to find a quick answer in his eyes but found none. ''Armin?...''

 

 

''I can't… why me?'' he said as he bit his lower lip and lowering his head just enough to hide his eyes behind his fringe. And then, I noticed the tear running down his cheek. I rushed in, forcing him to face me.

 

  
I won't allow that. No!

 

 

''Why are you crying!? What's going on?'' I firmly asked, concern in my voice. ''Armin! Was it that bad?''

 

 

And he laughed lively as he shook his head in disapproval. ''No! God, no! That was probably the most amazing thing I have ever experienced.'' He wiped his tears off.

 

 

''Then... Why are you crying?'' I asked.

 

 

''Eren. I can't- I can't even come to realize what just happened... I tried so hard to deny my feelings for you. I knew… I thought I never stood a chance… so, I tried to bury all of it. I was so scared when I realized that it was not possible to do so.'' he said, his eyes focusing on the ground. ''I don't understand...'' He sat back on the ground, hiding his face in his hands.

 

 

''You don't understand what?''

 

 

''I mean... Geez! Do you know how confusing you can get sometimes?''

 

 

''Con- confusing?'' I laughed at that. ''Armin… I'm probably the worst person in the world when it comes to hiding my emotions. You know that way too well.''

 

 

''Well, yes... but not in this case.''

 

 

''Really?''

 

 

''Y-yeah…''

 

 

The sky was turning bluer, softer, as the not so warm wind of the early morning brushed our faces. I could smell Armin sweet scent through the breeze. I breathed in and closed my eyes unconsciously. When I opened them quickly, Armin was looking at the horizon. He seemed lost, unsure... and so beautiful.

 

 

''Armin…'' I said as I crawled to him, closing the distance which was now killing me. His eyes widened the closer I was getting to him. I could swear I heard him catching his breath and before I knew, I was all over his body. ''Is this still too unclear for you?''

 

 

He was speechless. he tried to open his mouth multiple times to say something but nothing came out.

 

 

''Hmm. I would take it as a no, then.'' I gave him a huge grin to that.

 

 

''E-Eren! Stop! I-''

 

 

I leaned in, our faces inches away from each other. My features probably changed suddenly because all I could notice was Armin's eyes darkening with lust in a split of second.

 

 

Oh my god. It's getting so… so…

 

 

''Stop.'' He said. Barely audible.

 

 

''Stop what?'' I whispered against his lips. He turned his face, trying to avert me. So, I decided to kiss him on the cheek instead and for some reasons, I found myself kissing all the way down his neck. Did he just moan? I can feel his pulse, here. This is getting way too alluring. Gosh. I- I can't control myself, at this point.

 

 

I need... More...

 

 

No. Eren. Stop!

 

 

The voices in my head were getting inconsistent. What should I do?

 

 

And then, I managed to stop. My heart was beating so hard against my rib cage, I thought it would burst.

 

 

I have to stop. If I continue…

 

 

''S-sorry! I get carried away.'' I said as I tried to control myself. I finally got out of Armin and sat beside him. ''I'm very sorry.'' I breathed out.

 

 

As I glanced in the direction of Armin, he was still lying on his back, facing the sky. His sight stuck in the clouds above.

 

 

''Am I dreaming? I am dreaming. It can't be real.'' Although he was saying it out loud, he was talking to himself. He pinched his cheek and came to a realization. ''You are still there. I'm not dreaming.'' he said to me as a smile was appearing on his face.

 

 

And he laughed genuinely.

 

 

I was there watching him. Not so sure what to do. Maybe it was the lack of sleep but I started laughing along with him. It was so contagious.

 

 

In a comfortable silence, we were laying side by side on the fresh grass, contemplating the sky. Our hands tangled together. We haven't spoken a word about what just happened. It was clear as crystal. We were happy. It was all that mattered for the moment. I don't remember when but… we just… fell asleep there. exhausted.

 

 

And I dreamed.

 

 

I dreamed of Armin.

 

 

I dreamed of everything reminding me of him.

 

 

I have no idea how long I slept, but when I woke up, I rolled to the side where Armin was laying and as I was testing the ground, I realized I was alone. I sat up straight at the realization.

 

 

Panic hit my stomach.

 

 

The sky started covering with dark clouds, till it meets the pouring rain.


	4. Through The Forest of Giant Trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! It's updated! ;)
> 
> This story is so full of fluff. Aha!  
> I'm trying my best to keep it peaceful and inspiring, like nature and love do.  
> That's what Eremin inspire me.
> 
> Harmony.
> 
> Don't forget to comment! :D  
> I love reading ya all.  
> see ya.

Armin?

 

  
I got up in a hurry attempting to protect myself from the crazy raindrops. It looks like it won't stop so soon. The sky is rather dark, now.

 

  
Great! My shoes are totally ruined by the mud. What the heck. What's wrong with the temperature? It was so sunny this morning. What time is it anyway?

 

  
I can't tell.

 

  
I made my way through the forest and took shelter under a giant tree.

 

 

I'm feeling so small in this forest that I'm even wondering if there are giants living here.

 

  
Pff! Like if.

 

  
The wind is quite freezing suddenly. I'm going to catch a cold if I stay here. Why did Armin leave me there to start with? I'm probably not so far from the camp but I can't walk by the river in this storm.

 

  
Rumble was echoing for the first time, in the air, following by a really sharp crack of thunder. That made me jump at the proximity of it.

 

  
Great! As if I wasn't enough lucky already... Now, It's dangerous if I stay here.

 

  
Fuck you lightning!

 

  
Lightning…

 

  
Shit, Armin!

 

  
In a moment of pure concern, I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the water fighting against my body. I can't let Armin alone in this condition. Who knows where he is now. He is scared of thunder. I still remember the first time I realized it. I found him hidden beneath a tone of blankets. He was fully persuaded it would make the lightning disappear, that it would leave him alone if it couldn't see him. He was sure the thunder was after him. We were 5 years old at that time, If I remember clearly, and all I found to say to him was: ''You can't win if you keep hiding in there. You are the sun! Show him what you got!''

 

  
This is funny how Armin always reminded me of the sun. Even at that age, I was conscious that we were different, that we were not seeing the same things the same way. I have always liked that, actually. It kept me curious at first, and then it just held my attention. I started to believe my whole little world was influenced by him. That we were like nighttime and daytime, that the reason why I was keeping chasing for him was due to my thirst for untouchable things. He seemed so far to reach. I wasn't able to grasp his world. I wanted to close the gap between us. I wanted to see things like he did, under the bright light. unless me. I was quite empty inside. He saved me, without even trying.

 

  
As soon as I noticed the tents through the trees, I was so relieved. I sprinted.

 

  
''Armin?'' I shouted as I looked around. I gave a look in both tents, But he was nowhere to be found.

 

  
Well. Shit!

 

  
I panicked a little. My vision went blurry, for a second. I needed to think, so I sat down in my own tent, looking for new clothes and also to calm myself down. If I act too recklessly, it would be worst. What If this storm never stop? I wonder if Armin would even be able to come back here.

 

  
The nightmare!

 

  
I changed my clothes, picked up my umbrella and took extra clothes in case Armin needed it. I stuffed all I needed in my backpack and I left our location.

 

  
You're so damn lucky you're cute, Armin Arlert!

 

  
I was screaming his name along the way. I went the further I could get into the forest of giant trees, just enough to never lose sight of the river. As long I could see it, I knew I was all good. What if I'm going the wrong way, though? As I was about to turn back, something kept my attention. Fresh footprints in the wet sand, I knew where to go. I followed it carefully until I got a reply from my call through the frantic sound of the rain crashing against the puddles.

 

  
''Eren!''

 

  
''Armin? Oh my gosh, you scared me. Where are you?''

 

  
''I'm over here.''

 

  
''What... Wher- oh! Nevermind. Hey!''

 

  
''Hey...''

 

  
Adorable. Armin was hidden in a tree hollow, large enough to build a house. Ok, maybe just a treehouse, but still. That was one hell of a tree.

 

  
''Say, you know you are at the worst place possible during a thunderstorm? Who do you think you are? Alice?''

 

  
''There's only trees here! That’s the closest hiding place I’ve found. S-stop laughing!'' he pouted.

 

  
''Sorry!'' I said as I bit my lips on the inside, trying to stop my growing smile to spread any larger across my face. The scene was ridiculously cute, in its own way. That makes it difficult. ''Ok. Watch out! I'm coming in.'' I said, before getting in. I was actually surprised by the comfort of this place. I kind of really wanted to build a home in there.

 

  
What am I even saying?

 

  
''Why did you come that far, though? No! First, why did you left me alone like that?'' I asked, evident disappointment in my voice.

 

  
''S-sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I actually intended to get back to you before you wake up. I mean… you looked so peaceful there as if you were having a beautiful dream. I couldn't bear to bother you. So, I went back to the camp to change my clothes and then the storm ruined my plan. So, I-'' Armin gasped at the loud cracking sound of the thunder echoing in the air. Without realizing it he was pressed against me.

 

''S-sorry!'' He spoke as he looked up in my eyes, all flustered.

 

  
''Don't be sorry. I'm actually enjoying this.'' I said, a smirk appearing on my face.

 

  
''Sh-shut up! That's not funny. '' he said, the blood rising up in his cheeks.

 

  
I laughed lively at that.

 

  
''But damn, you are completely soaked… Oh! I almost forgot.'' I removed my backpack from my back to unzipped it ''I got spare clothes for you in case.''

 

  
''Oh. Thanks… I'm starting to believe the world is against me. I keep getting in trouble lately. Plus, I ruined my clothes.'' He replied as he smiled shamefully to himself.

 

  
I giggled at the mention. As I gave Armin the clothes, our hands brushed against each other. The contact broke too quickly to my own taste.

 

  
''Welcome in my daily days! Who knows, maybe it is my fault. I'm bringing bad luck all the time. You shouldn't hang out with me. That's the price to pay.''

 

  
Armin shook his head, a soft chuckle leaving his mouth, as he looked down at the clothes between his hands. ''Don't be ridiculous.'' He said, a tender smile visible on his lips. Suddenly, his expression changed to something else, almost embarrassed. ''Um… where I am supposed to undress?'' He lifted his gaze to finally meet my eyes.

 

  
The thought never occurred me it until now. Not that we never saw each other naked before but… when we were kids doesn't really count, right? I was kind of feeling the space slowly narrowing around us. My heart was starting to pound in my chest at the thought of...

 

  
No! Eren, think about something else! You moron!

 

  
''Um… well… I… you...'' I tried to use coherent words but I wasn't able to concentrate on what I wanted to say.

 

  
Fuck. There's a storm in my mind as well, now.

 

  
When I was about to add something, the rain stopped abruptly. I didn't look. But the silence settling around us was becoming present enough to be a good hint. That's when I noticed the warm light of the sunshine touching Armin's golden hair, that I understood.

 

  
I blinked, lowering my eyes on nothing in particular between us and then, I smiled, defeated, as I giggled in the back of my mind.

 

  
Well. I guess that's clear enough. No naked Armin for me, today.

 

  
''The rain stopped,'' I started.

 

 

  
''… looks like that.'' He replied. I can still feel his eyes lingering on me, making my skin burning.

 

  
Why does it make me feel so nervous suddenly?

 

  
''I- I’ll… I'll let you alone.'' I said, clumsily. Almost sounding shy. ''Y-You can change here… I- I gotta go. Yeah… so'' I turned in a rush not wanting to stay here any longer. I can't even speak!

 

 

Geez, what's wrong with me. I'm acting so weird. I'm not myself.

 

 

As I set a foot outside, I felt Armin's grip around my waist, clutching to me in a need. He was holding me back. His arms around me and his head against my shoulder blades. My mind went blank as my heart started to play a fast rhythm making its way up my head.

 

  
''Eren.'' He said quietly, his tone surprisingly controlled. His voice was barely perceptible to heard through the fabric of my shirt, but it was piercing my whole body.

 

  
I turned my head slowly. Not so sure how to react to the sudden contact. I was rather stiff.

 

  
''Ye-yes?''

 

  
''Thank you.''

 

  
''Well. Th-that's nothing really.''

 

  
''Eren.''

 

  
''Hm?''

 

  
Everything stopped around me. The world could have ended right there, at this very moment and I wouldn't even have noticed. All my attention was on Armin, as he stole me a sudden languorous kiss. When he broke the contact, I hadn't realized my legs turned jelly. I fell backward on the ground, butt first in the puddle below the hollow.

 

  
''Ow!''

 

  
''Are you alright?'' He asked while he laughed at me. There was some sort of concern in his voice, at least.

 

 

You cute asshole.

 

  
As I looked up at Armin, from below. I thought I was looking right into the eyes of an angel. The way the sun was framing him, beaming as ever.

 

  
I was dazzled.

 

  
All was golden in the sky. The summer air felt back. The storm died out and I was there sitting in a puddle with warmth in my heart.

 

And probably mud in my pockets.


	5. The Bridge Connecting Our Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope you all doing fine!  
> I finally updated this story. :) 
> 
> If you want to follow the tag on tumblr, the name is : Fic:Riverbend.  
> Don't be shy with kudos and comments!
> 
> see ya all!

  
The sun was lower in the sky, creating a bright orange hollow against the purple shades. Armin was guiding me somewhere, his hand in mine, as we walked in a comfortable silence into the forest. Our steps combined with the early locust singing were the only things we could listen to. I didn't bother to ask where we were going. He only mentioned he wanted to show me something, as we were leaving the tree hollow. Unspoken motives behind his words. I blindly followed him, as always. I couldn't care less. As long I'm with Armin, I can follow him anywhere he wants me to.

  
I ruined not only my shoes but my shorts as well.

  
My poor converses…

  
I was a mess. Completely dirty, butt fully stained by the mud and I don't like the feeling at all.

''We should just get naked.'' I suggested, breaking the silence.

  
Armin rolled his eyes and laughed shyly. ''What are you even saying...''

  
''I'm uncomfortable! My shorts are sticking to me and I'm not pleased to the sensation.'' I answered, patting my butt with my free hand. ''Not cool at all. It feels like I made a mess in my pants or something, you know. Look!''

  
He laughed so lively at this.

  
''Not funny.'' I pouted, almost sounding like a child.

  
''Ahhh! Come on, Eren. Look at the bright side!''

  
''I ruined all my clothes, my best friend is laughing at me, my ass is hella cold and I'm covered with mud. What bright side?''

  
Armin squeezed my hand. He smiled at me with such sincerity, tenderness sparkling in his eyes. While the orange hues of the sun were dying into them, a dark bluey pink light was now settling around us, leaving a fairy atmosphere behind. Even if it was getting a little bit darker by the minute, I was still able to see Armin clearly, his eyes burning into mines as we were looking at each other without saying a word, walking to who knows where.

  
And I understood. I understood what he meant by that.

  
''You can take your clothes back if you want it.'' He spoke softly, breaking the eyes contact. He lingered his sight on his feet, smiling at himself.

  
''I don't regret my choice.'' I gave Armin a couple of glances when he wasn't looking. Running my eyes all over him. The sight of Armin in my clothes makes me smile. My shirt barely fit him so he rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and my pants were way too long for his legs, so he had to roll them up as well. ''But… I still believe we should just get naked.''

  
Armin shook his head in discouragement. ''Maybe you are right.'' he started, laughing. ''… if it keeps going like this.''

  
''R-really?''

  
''Naaah!'' He said as he turned his head to look at me. A huge grin on his face. ''But you are right to some extent. It's a valid life saver measure to transfer heat. It's better to get naked for warming up someone. Otherwise, your clothes would keep the warmth from getting to the other person.'' He said, his eyes still on the ground in front of him as he walked. ''…but it's for extreme measures.'' He added, sticking out his tongue.

  
''So, I'm a genius!'' I exclaimed.

  
''It's quite exaggerated…'' he said as he snorted. ''...but you're not wrong. Just not really in danger.'' He shrugged to that, passing his hand through his hair to place it behind his ear.

  
''Hmm. Guess we have no other choice then.''

  
''Eren, you're not-''

  
I pushed Armin against the tree beside him. He gasped in surprise, as his back was pressed against the bark.

  
''Warm me up, please.'' I teased him in a lower voice.

  
He was staring at me, eyes widened with pinky cheeks. He was immobile, trapped in my grip. I could see him becoming vulnerable at the gesture. My smile was gone as soon as I saw the look he was giving me. I became serious all of sudden. My playful mindset dropped really quickly. There was something lying inside of me, almost bestial, screaming to get released. I suddenly felt unlike myself. All my senses were amplifying, somehow.

''Eren. Ah. We can't… no, wait.'' He said, his voice turned into a whisper at the last word. I heard his breath catching in and I was gone. Miles away.

  
Before I realized, I was brushing my teeth against his neck. I just needed to feel the flesh, to taste it. A part of me was reacting on its own, recklessly and impatiently. I felt possessiveness taking control of me. I felt the urge for dominance. He was giving me an opening and I was too straightforward for not taking it. All I have ever wanted was right in front of me. My body was screaming for Armin. I've waited for our union all my life, without realizing it.

  
It feels longer than that, in all honesty. It was stronger than me.

  
My thirst became uncontrollable as my hands found their way under his shirt. It felt like electricity running through my fingertips. He shivered as well under the touch. The softness of his skin under my palms, his body so warm.

  
I'm… I'm in trance.

  
My conscience left my mind. I was in a state where I couldn't hold myself back. There was something I can't even come to explain between us. I felt sucked into it, unable to back away. This time, it felt stronger than me. I went almost berserk. Losing myself in the process.

  
''Eren... Listen!'' He said, out of breath. He was trying to struggle against my will.

  
It's driving me crazy... His beating heart...

  
''Don't move,'' I whispered in his ear. I sounded almost angry, yet not really. I felt hungry, without a doubt. I was quite surprised when I felt Armin's body reacting so quickly to the sound of my voice. I think I bit too hard, this time, I tasted blood.

  
''Eren!'' he shouted, more firmly. His voice sounded more like a plea than a command.

  
Armin's voice made me regain control over myself. I looked up to him as I realized I was holding him against the tree, his legs around my waist. I don't even remember when our position changed so drastically. I felt the guilt burning in my stomach, as I noticed the apparent mark on his neck. I didn't want to hurt him. Armin cheeks were red and his lips moisten and slightly parted. His eyes were conflicted and seemed lost in deep thoughts. I could feel his hot breath caressing my cheek. We were both breathing hard into each other hold.

  
I… What the fuck... I'm feeling so strange. I'm feeling dangerously borderline. I don't want to harm Armin or anything. I'm just...

  
''Eren… how are you feeling ?'' He asked suddenly, his voice so gentle. It might breaks.

  
Is he reading my mind or what?

  
''Huh? Wh-what?'' I said bluntly as I blinked a couple of time, confusion could be heard in my tone. I was fighting against my own person. I was feeling quite unstable, honestly.

  
''Did you feel something weird just now?''

  
I tried to recollect my thoughts as I listened to Armin's words. I do feel strange but... I’m not quite sure why. I can't put a name on it. I'm so confused.

  
''I don't know. I'm- I'm feeling dizzy, though.'' I answered as I swallowed hard, closing my eyes firmly.

  
''I see.'' He muttered.

  
''Uh, why?'' I asked, lifting my head to stare into his eyes. My heart is making a mess in my ears, once again.

  
Wait… It can't be my…

  
''Can I ask you something ?'' he said, small hint of worry in his voice, as he took my face in his hands. ''Did you appear to have some… sort of weird dreams, since we are here ?'' His eyes were still full of lust. I could notice by his expression that he was in a huge dilemma, as well.

  
Why do I feel more connected to Armin, to the point that I could swear I'm hearing his beating heart? I'm sure it's his. It's driving me crazy.

  
''Dreams?... Uh… I don't know.''

  
''Eren… this is important.'' He affirmed calmly.

  
''What?... Well. Maybe. Yes? I'm not sure.''

  
''If you remember… tell me, ok?'' he asked so gently, removing his hands.

  
''What? What are you even saying?'' curiosity hitting me. I'm still feeling dizzy, I'm having a hard time to focus.

  
Why does it matter? Dreams?

  
''Nothing. Maybe this is just my imagination.'' He smiled but it didn't meet his eyes. ''Can you put me down, now?'' he said, though, he didn't even sound serious at all. His eyes were still so dark.

  
''You're not being honest.''

  
''Eren. I'm trying very hard to-''

  
I kissed him.

  
It's almost painful. Each time I part with Armin, I could feel my heart stop. I need him so badly. like a body needs his soul. Otherwise, I'm soulless. I'm scared that if I open my eyes this time, I would waking up alone once again. I wanted to consume him whole. I needed to be closer. The closer I could get to him.

  
And he finally responded back, pressing me closer, into the kiss. I was once again uncomfortable in my pants, but not for the same reason. As I was intending to reach for his belt buckle…

 

I stopped.

 

When I opened my eyes slowly, I noticed the darkness settled. Fireflies dancing all around us, lighting up the scene, under the dark purple sky. Armin was beautiful, his hair messed up. I wanted him so badly, it hurts. But he wasn't ready, yet. I knew it because I could feel it in my chest. I could sens it. I was pushing him to the edge without wanting. We were staring at each other in silence. As strange as it sounds, our thoughts were connected at this very moment and It was the closest I could get to him tonight and it was all right.

  
For Armin, I can wait. I will wait forever if that's what it takes. Until the day would come to pass over the wall. The wall he has been building inside his heart.

  
There is a bridge connecting our hearts together. An invisible path to our souls. Something bigger is bringing us together. I was sure of it now.

  
But Armin's heart wasn't fully open. I could cross the bridge. I could see all the love, the happiness and the depth of his feelings emanating from the windows, but I hadn't the full access. I wasn't able to get in the lighthouse. The one safely guiding me home every night.

  
I was at the door, without the key in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a tiny bit darker, yet not really.
> 
> Eren never figured as a stable character to me. I love how human and inhuman he can get in a split of second. I wanted to stay close to this mindset. I love his complexity. I also love how stable he can gets with Armin by his side. He is like his balance, reminding him how to walk. He keeps him in track without a fail. unlike Armin, he is very direct. He doesn't fear to show his emotions.
> 
> For Armin, Eren is more like an ideal. Eren is everything Armin is lacking. Well, in his eyes, at least. He is always there to hold him, supporting him when he needs it the most. His insecurities are always in the way. Eren can see all the good in Armin, while Armin is blind when it comes to self-confidence. That's why I can see a wall build in his heart. Eren is too important for him. ''The wall'' is his comfort zone. 
> 
> That's roughly it. basically.  
>  


	6. Home Is Where The Anchors Drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo busy!!! I'm sorry if I kept you waiting for this one. x)  
> Let me comments! Let me know you are still there with me!  
> :D
> 
> see ya!! ~

The shore. I need to reach your shore.

 

I kept saying those words over and over again in my head. I needed to be persuaded I could.

 

The sky was pretty dark. No stars. No moon to be seen. Only the clouds shedding icy raindrops into the water. The mist was filling all the space, causing me trouble to situate myself. I couldn’t see anything. I was sailing away into the abyss of this dark ocean, fazed by the unknown, in my small damaged boat.

 

Your face haunts me. No matter how many time I try to open and close my eyes, It’s you I see. I wish you were here with me. I need to reach the shore. Please. Please, be on the other side, waiting for me.

 

I… I can’t lose you again.

 

My voice was cracky. I was broken. I had a lump settled in my throat, troubling my lungs to function correctly. I was left alone in the darkness. Nowhere to be found. Lying on the floor. Lost in this cold atmosphere and I was scared. Scared of losing you forever.

 

If only I could see the starry night, right now... then maybe we would have been seeing the same sky. Wishing upon the same star.

 

'' Eren. ''

 

It may be my imagination again. I can hear your voice. Did our horizons meet? 'Cause I can feel you around me. The warmth is rising back into my body. I’m smiling, even though everything in my existence is shattered apart. Home is where the anchors drop, they say and that's where mine reside, now.

 

That was then that I saw a light piercing the night. I felt hot tears running down my cheeks and I hadn’t the force to stop them. I needed peace in my heart. I didn’t care about anything else. I needed to be with him. Wherever. All that mattered was that I lo-

 

'' Eren, please! Wake up! ''

 

Armin’s voice made me jump. When I finally opened up my eyes, I saw the blue of the ocean. It was clear. Crystallic even. It was him. I was drowning in his gaze. I couldn’t believe it.

 

'' Did I make it? '' I spoke softly, sobbing slightly, still in my delusion.

 

'' What? '' He asked panicked and confused. That’s all he managed to say.

 

I blinked a few times before regaining consciousness, as I was still staring into his eyes. I realized where I was. Lying on my back, head against my backpack, on the ground, by the campfire. I was facing the stars, Armin looking down at me at my side. My vision was blurry by my tears. At the realization, I wiped them away with the back of my sleeves quickly and sat up, embarrassed by the situation.

 

Why am I even crying?

 

'' Are... Are you all right? '' he said, concern in his voice.

 

'' Uhm… Ye-yeah. I believe. What happened? '' I asked, looking around. I was quite disoriented by my sudden return to reality.

 

'' You were having a bad dream, I guess. ''

 

''I… I can’t remember.''

 

He nodded at me in understanding, before I was swallowed up in a hug. He clutched me so tight, I thought I would burst of happiness. My heart was still racing, but now it felt lightweight.

 

''Can… Can we just stay like that for a moment? Is that ok?''

 

''You know the answer to that,'' I said, smiling in the crook of his neck, while I hugged him back. I felt him shivered a little. Sobs found their way out of my mouth, while Armin was caressing my back until they were gone completely.

 

''Thank you.'' I whispered against his neck.

 

''No need to thank me, Eren. It’s fine, really.'' He said shyly. His voice sounded so different from this distance. Still soft, but deeper.

 

''I want to. I feel so much better, now.''

 

''No problem.'' he murmured. Then he stopped what he was doing. ''Say…''

 

''Hmm?''

 

''You- you were sleep talking. I heard.. a fraction of what you said. You-''

 

''Did I say something weird?'' I backed up roughly as I said the words. I spoke so fast that I interrupted him. I was embarrassed.

 

I don’t remember anything. What did I say?

 

''You were… talking about the shore. You were saying my name, Eren.'' He answered sounding almost amused, starry eyes into mines as he twitched a smile briefly.

 

''Oh.'' I chewed my lip at the thought. I felt nude without being consent. ''Something else?''

 

''Not really. I’m just curious, though. Did it felt like a memory to you?''

 

''A memory. Uh? It was just a dream, Armin. What are you trying to say?''

 

''Well…'' he started, then he sighed. ''I had those…''

 

''...Those what?''

 

''Weird dreams. It might feel strange to hear but... I feel like they are trying to tell me something. They are familiar, in a sense. So, maybe it’s the same for you. Since we are here, I kept dreaming about specific things.''

 

''You mean like… premonitions?''

 

''It seems like memories to me. Metaphorical fragments. Eren, I feel connected to this place.''

 

''You are telling me… that you already been here before or something?'' I chuckled at the thought. ''How is that even possible? We grew up in an isolated town. We had never left this place to start with. How can you explain this?'' I was holding an amused look as I said it but it dropped it very quickly when I saw that Armin was deathly serious.

 

''I- I don’t know. I can’t explain it.'' He answered while he shrugged. He looked down at his shoes in the sand and let out a deep sigh.

 

I don’t understand anything of what he is saying. It doesn’t make any sense to me. What am I even supposed to answer to that?

 

I looked up. The stars were so bright tonight, the moon was hidden and then, at this very moment, I saw a shooting star. I smiled as I was wishing upon it.

 

''Armin,'' I started.

 

''You don’t believe me, don’t you?'' He asked suddenly.

 

I turned my head to look in his direction. ''Uh? No that’s not-''

 

''Please, stop lying Eren.'' He said softly before putting his chin between his knees, as he wrapped his arms around his legs to keep them in place. ''I know you way too well. Your eyes are too honest.'' his voice turned into a whisper in the summer air. He seemed thoughtful, almost hurt. His hair was dancing in the air. His gesture was adorable, even though he was wearing an expression that broke my heart. And then, simply like that, I knew I was deeply in love. Just by looking at him in the simplest ways possible. In every parcel of his behavior. I wondered if Armin would let me in someday.

 

''Armin… that's not it!'' I explained poorly.

 

''Then how do you even explain our connected thoughts? Is that normal to you? Eren. Something is abnormal since we arrived here! Everything is... much more intense.'' He lowered his sight once again. The way he said the last words still makes me shiver. I was dumbfounded. He was right. Something was strange here. I’m not so sure if I wanted to know the cause behind this. One thing was sure, we got closer since we arrived here. The closer we were getting, the more we felt something unexplained taking place between us.

 

''Also… we walked all the way here for a reason.''

 

''Y-yeah… you wanted to show me something, don’t you? Sorry if I fell asleep on you. I can get really sleepy after meal time.''

 

''Don't worry about it, we haven't got enough sleep. I'm starting to get tired as well. We haven't even reached it yet. It's taking longer than I thought.'' He said, following with a huge yawn.

 

The fire was crackling in the silence. We were so comfortable here, in the dark of the night. It wasn't even scary. It was rather warm in this spot. No animals to be seen. No apparent dangers. Armin found this place as we were starting to get hungry. By chance, I brought some food with me before I left the camp. I'm probably not the most farsighted person in the world, but when it comes to survival, I'm not so bad. Our adventure in this land isn't necessarily going as planned. We lost a whole day because of unforeseen events, but I don't see it as a waste, at all. I'm glad we got lost. Lost in something new together.

 

Deep down in my heart, I wanted Armin to know the depth of my feelings for him. Properly this time. with words. Not only with gestures. But at the same time, I feared it. I'm no good when it comes to words. I'm physical, rather than romantic.

 

''You should rest. I don't mind sleeping under the open sky once more. I don't want you to fight to stay awake. Plus, our camp is probably 45 minutes away from here. We walked enough for tonight.''

 

''Ah- Well. You are right.''

 

''I brought a blanket!''

 

''Geez... how many things did you brought in this bag, honestly? I'm surprised.'' He said as he frowned with amusement.

 

''Never underestimate the king of burritos!'' I answered, sounding ridiculously too confident for the cause.

 

''what?'' He laughed.

 

''Let me show you! Would you?''

 

After removing the blanket from my backpack, I wrapped Armin in it with me, tight enough. Our proximity killed me, but like that I was sure we were going to keep the warmth.

 

''See... Burrito.'' I whispered slowly. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure he could easily hear it.

 

And then he smiled. His eyes sparkling with... is that love I see in them? I hope it is. There were butterflies in my belly, asking to be released. I just needed to tame them down for this time. I will let Armin come to me, instead. It doesn't mean I can't try to seduce him, though. Right? I'm too stubborn, I guess.

 

I can't help it!

 

''Eren,''

 

  
''Y-Yes?''

 

  
''I love your goofiness.''


	7. Out Of The Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys, but I've been very busy. I wasn't really able to write much since last time. I went on vacation and lot of stuff happened. This chapter took me longer for some reasons... I started writing it a while back but never had the chance to really complet it. It happens sometime I guess. x) Anyway, I hope you still enjoy this story. I have no idea how long it would be as a whole but I already have a idea. we will see! Thanks for all the kudos :) It makes me happy to see your support.
> 
> see ya next time!
> 
> Oh btw, I hope you would like the special guest. ;)

Ugh. So hot.

 

I felt sticky, heavy and kind of dizzy suddenly. On the other hand, the air filling my nose was a pleasure, I must admit. I had no desire to move an inch, regardless the temperature. That smell was warming up my heart on its own but the heat outside was making it pretty hard. I couldn’t breathe normally under the heavy pressure of the summer air. I have always hated this season the most because of that particular reason. Stifling heat is not for me.

 

This smell is familiar, though. I wonder what that is.

 

The more I was trying to figure out, the more I regained my senses, till I woke up, slowly opening up my eyes. The first thing I saw was the trees touching the sky. The leaves gently caressing the soft blue pastel. I wasn’t completely awake yet and due to my morning slowness, it took me a moment to realize the weight pressing on my body. As I lowered my eyes, I saw blond fluffy hair causing my heart to start to beat like a savage. I have forgotten about all of it.

 

Right, the burrito.

 

Oh, geez. I’m sweating in this damn blanket. I’m going to pass out if I stay here any longer. How does he even manage to sleep so peacefully in this heat? Armin, you’re strange bird sometimes.

 

I was watching him sleep, trying my best to not wake him up. The blanket was so tight I wasn't able to move even if I wanted to. I was watching him rise and fall against my chest while I breathed. We were there, like the kids we’re used to be, like the old days that I had missed so much, except that I was dying this time. How conflicted. I could die happy at least.

 

As far as it goes, I’m not even sure how to call us anymore. What are we even to each other? What am I to Armin? When did our relationship change? It changed so naturally that I can’t even remember the first time I felt that way toward him. What label is it supposed to be called? I never had the feeling we changed at all. We stayed the same all along. I never felt that way toward anybody else before. this is brand new to me, those feelings. I guess we only grew old, after all. I don't know on which step we are today and I have no idea what is the next one either.

 

''Hmm. No… please stay here.'' Armin mumbled quietly hiding his face in my shirt as he clutched to it. ''Please just a little bit longer,'' he said, his voice muttered by the clothing.

 

I was there listening to whatever he was saying, while I was waiting for him to wake up on his own. I hoped that he would do it fast because I don't think I could take it any longer. The sun was slowly killing me. And then, he finally raised his head to face me up. There was a dribble of saliva coming out from the corner of his mouth, which I found really funny with his hair messed up. His eyes were partially closed as they fought to stay open. I'm mentally taking pictures of it, it's so worth it.

 

''Eren?'' he started, a hint of confusion in his tone. He probably forgot about last night too. He frowned slightly when he looked at me properly. ''Why are you smiling like that?''

 

''You’re drooling.'' I pointed out, fighting a laugh. He looks terribly cute and grumpy in the morning. Even when he tries to bite back, I can’t take Armin seriously. But that I won’t say it. I’m enjoying it in my own way.

 

''I’m not!'' He said, removing the saliva at the same time with the back of his hand. ''Can you stop laughing at me, now?'' He growled at me, a pout apparent on his face.

 

''You’re cute, you know it?'' I mentioned, a grin on my face.

 

''What? No! I probably look terrible. Oh and… don’t call me that.''

 

''I mean it.''

 

''It’s… weird.''

 

''What is weird?''

 

''Just don't. Please.''

 

''All right. But I still mean it.'' I said anyway, winking at him.

 

He rolled his eyes at that, accompanied by a small smile twitching about the corner of his mouth. ''If you say so.''

 

''Armin.''

 

''Hmm?''

 

''Can you please move?''

 

''W-what?''

 

''Don't get me wrong I love being chest to chest with you but... I can't breathe anymore.''

 

''Oh, Geez! Sorry!'' He yelped as soon as he realized my struggle.

 

I never thought I would miss oxygen that much in my life. As much as I love cuddling with Armin, I was finally free from the burrito hell and I was grateful to be alive. The only regret building up inside of me, now, was that Armin was too far from my reach. I missed the contact already.

 

''Why didn't you wake me up?'' He asked dispiritedly.

 

''I guess it's because I lo-'' I started. Then I stopped abruptly. I wasn't able to say it. Not when it meant so much to me. This has nothing to do with friendship. My feelings are deeper. I couldn't only shoot the word so easily. I said to myself that I would let Armin come at me. I don't want to scare him. ''I... I don't know. You seemed comfortable.'' I finally said, smiling to myself briefly. There was a lump settling in my chest and It had me worried a little.

 

When I looked up, Armin was giving me a quizzical look but he didn't bother to ask for more explanations. Sometime I could swear he can read right through me. That he could find his answers without even I have to word them.

 

''I need to take a bath. '' I said to broke the silence, as I sat up straight.

 

''You are lucky. I saw a lake close by, yesterday.'' He started, pointing in a direction approximatively. ''You can go first. While you're there, I will try to find something to eat.''

 

''I still have Beef Jerky in my bag.''

 

''I mean a real meal, Eren.''

 

''Meat is a meal, Armin.''

 

''If you say so.'' He snorted. He rolled his eyes at my mention, shaking slightly his head in discouragement. ''Leave it to me. Go wash yourself.''

 

 

****

 

 

''This is what I call happiness,'' I said, talking to myself while letting my body floating on the surface. There's something therapeutic about being in the water, washing away all your burdens you have left. There's no better place to think about anything and everything all at once, and my thoughts seemed all oriented toward a particular boy, these days. It could only help me to relax quite a bit.

 

''Eren!'' Armin called, his voice from a certain distance in the forest.

 

It made me jump slightly, quickly taking me back to reality, out of my fantasies. ''Yeah?'' I replied before hiding the lower half of my face into the water.

 

''It's ready.'' He simply said. I could perceive a certain hesitation in his tone as he was getting closer to the edge. ''I think you would like it!''

 

''Oh. Great!'' I exclaimed in excitement.

 

I straighten up myself rapidly, water perfectly censuring my hips, as I stand up. I was fraying my way to the edge when I felt Armin eying me intensely. That was when I realized that I was, in fact, wearing nothing at all. When I looked up in his direction, he immediately looked away, blush very present on his cheeks.

 

''I'll let you get ready. see you there.''

 

Oh, Armin. You are so easy to read sometimes.

 

I stopped my pace suddenly, smirking like a madman while he wasn't looking. ''Wanna join?''

 

''W-what? N-no. I-'' He spluttered before losing his voice completely. He was still not facing me, so I took advantage of it.

 

''Why not?'' I replied, pleading slightly. I sneaked right behind him, ready to make my move.

 

''I... I...''

 

"Oh, come on Armin. Live a little, would you?'' I playfully said, grabbing him by his sleeve as I pulled him into the lake with me. I heard him scream in surprise before his body hit the water. The impact caused a huge blast making me cackling hard.

 

''Holly shit! This is freaking cold!'' He cried as he stood, completely soaked. ''I hate you, Eren Jaeger!''

 

''So, you can swear after all!''

 

''Shut up!''

 

I laughed lively at that. ''About the last part, I'm not so sure if I believe you, though.''

 

''I do. I hate you!''

 

''Are you sure about that?'' I teased as I was getting closer to him. Armin's back met the huge rock boarding the lake, as he backed off. He was now trapped. I pressed both of my hands against the surface each side of his head so he couldn't escape from me. ''Say it again. '' I said in a lower voice.

 

He went silent. We were both transfixed into each other's gaze. We practically could only hear us breathe. I think we both leaned in for a brief second, but violently stopped when we heard someone calling out our names out of nowhere.

 

''Eren, Armin?! Is that you?''

 

We both bounced in surprise, facing the source of the voice.

 

''Connie?!''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Microsoft Word is a jerk so I'm sorry if the presentation is a bit messy with some paragraphs. I'll try to fix it later.


	8. Cold Veins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back guys!! This chapter contains a lot appearances. Hope you would like it! :)
> 
> Leave me comments! I love reading what you think! It encourages me to continue the story.
> 
> see ya all!

 

It took me by surprise. What the heck Connie is doing here in the middle of nowhere? How did he even find us? What were the possibilities? When I turned to look at Armin, he wasn’t looking that surprised. In fact, he seemed in the know. I was confused even more. What’s going on?

 

''So there you are!'' Exclaimed Armin, completely ignoring that I stood there like a lost animal. ''Sasha was looking for you.''

 

Sasha? Is Sasha here too? When did he-

 

''Oh. Well, maybe she would has not gotten lost if she hadn’t left me behind at the first boar she saw. That girl, I swear.'' Said Connie, rolling his eyes as he let a sharp sign before shaking slightly his head in disbelief as he smiled to himself. ''What are you guys doing here? It’s been a while since I last saw you two.''

 

I was trying to understand the whole situation. It wasn’t that easy considering that I was standing there completely nude in the middle of the lake. Why now in all time? Not that I am not happy to see Connie, in the contrary, he's a really good friend of mine. We haven’t seen each other since the last semester. We didn't find the time to plan anything since vacations started and before I knew I was going with Armin in an expedition. The latter, on the other hand, seemed to play his cards like nothing happened before Connie show up. He was pretty convincing because Connie didn’t mention anything about what he just saw. At the same time, this is Connie we are talking about. He’s not the most perceptive guy I know.

 

''We’ve been here for few days. You know how bad I wanted to see the ocean, right?'' Armin replied, his eyes sparkling as always at the mention of the ocean.

 

''How can I forgot. You’ve been babbling about that since forever.'' Connie snorted, looking at Armin then at me. ''Are you all right Eren? You look like you’ve been caught. '' he said, laughing slightly, frowning a little in amusement.

 

''N- no, no I’m just surprised to see you here. That’s all I swear!''

 

Wow, Eren. How convincing.

 

''I’m with Sasha and Jean, actually.''

 

You must be kidding me. No way! How lucky can I get?

 

''And apparently Jean asked Mikasa to join. I’m surprised she accepted. Maybe there is another reason after all.'' Connie shrugged as he gave us a look that was wearing evidence.

 

Well, shit. How Am I supposed to survive this, now? Not that I don’t love Mikasa but she won’t leave me alone. Especially since my relation with Armin is changing a lot. She would read me right away.

 

''Great! I can’t wait.'' I muttered to myself. Armin elbowed me after that statement.

 

I was thinking out loud, that’s all.

 

''So, Armin…'' Connie started before grinning. ''Can you tell me which direction Sasha is?''

 

''Not so far. Actually, we prepared the dinner together.'' Armin turned to me, winking before continuing. ''Boar on the menu. A real meal. I told you!'' he finished with a cute little smile.

 

Suddenly, I was really grateful that Sasha popped up into our route. I could have killed for quality meat at the moment and we all know how talented she is when it comes to hunting and cooking. She could be useful after all.

 

''Surprise!'' Armin exclaimed. ''Hope you’re happy.'' His smile met his eyes and It was my most favorite thing ever.

 

''Marry me.'' I murmured without thinking.

 

''Uh? Scuse me?'' he asked, blinking a couple of time before eying me quizzically.

 

''Nothing. Let’s go! I’m very hungry.'' I stated, quickly changing the subject. I was about to get out of the water before I realized something. « Do you mind if I put something on before? » I smiled cheaply, glancing at Armin and then at Connie.

 

''Wait. Are you naked? Dude, what the-'' Connie started but then went quiet. He was eying the whole situation before letting it pass. ''Actually, nevermind,'' he said, waving his hands in disinterest. ''Which way Armin?''

 

''Keep getting ahead, you will fast meet her. The fire is probably still up.'' Armin replied.

 

''All right! See you later, then.''

 

Connie disappeared into the forest, leaving both of us beneath the silence of nature. The sun was still high in the sky, the birds were singing out loud in the soft summer air. It would have been the perfect instant to create a moment with Armin, but instead, it turned out differently. When Armin turned to face me, he suddenly took my cheeks between his fingers to squeeze it exaggeratedly.

 

''Promise me you won’t act like a jerk when Jean will be there. '' Armin said bluntly but gently, giving me a pleading smile before releasing me.

 

''Ugh. I can’t promise anything.'' I mouthed, cheek rubbing myself after Armin’s gesture.

 

''At least try. For me!'' He pleaded, clapping his hands up together before is head.

 

''Why are you so concerned by the horse face anyway?''

 

''That’s not it. I just don’t like when both of you make a show in front of everyone for no good reason.'' He stated, looking down at the water.

 

''There’s always plenty of good rea-'' I stopped suddenly what I was about to say when I saw the look Armin was giving me. That little bastard was too good when it comes to getting what he wanted. He knew how to play unfairly. That was my conclusion after he came a little closer to brush his lips against mines.

 

''Please,'' he whispered gently. ''If you do. I might have something for you in exchange.'' He said, leaning back as he smirked with some undertones meaning behind his words. Then, he left me like that, abandoned, dumbfounded in the cold water.

 

''Oh. Oh no. You didn’t dare to- that’s cheating!''

 

''Are you not hungry, Eren?'' He said behind his shoulder, smiling like a cute little tease.

 

Was that supposed to mean what I think it should or am I just imagining things? Since when Armin is capable of manipulating me? He’s playing with me and I can’t say anything. If I do, I’m going to lose anyway. Armin Arlert, prepare for revenge. I will remember this one.

 

''All right. I will try my best. But I can’t promise I won’t say anything. It’s almost impossible.'' I replied, defeated.

 

Armin gave me a warming smile before leaving me completely alone with myself. I looked him fading away into the forest without losing the sight of his shape until it was no more possible.

 

***

 

I was trailing to our earlier location, trying my best to remove the excess of water from my hair like a happy dog. Arriving at destination, the aroma made me salivate instantly. I knew I was at the good spot.

 

''Guten tag!'' I greeted randomly, as I made an appearance.

 

''Eren!'' Sasha exclaimed before getting up from where she was sitting, a plat of carton with meat between her hands. She ran to me with such an excited expression. ''Taste it! This is a piece of joy, I promise.''

 

''Oh shit! This is looking even better than expected.'' I admitted, eyes widening at the view of this beautiful piece. ''You never fail at it, Sasha. Thank you so much, I'm starving.''

 

''Thanks to Armin. Without him, It would have been wasted.'' She grinned at me, joyfully.

 

''What do you mean?'' I asked curiously.

 

''Well, I suck at setting a fire and since I lost Connie during my hunting, I would have had to drag the boar somewhere safe before it gets eaten by the bugs. Happily, I found Armin at the right time. Talk about faith!'' She said before glancing over her shoulder in direction of Armin.

 

''Well. That’s nothing really. I did so few. All the credit goes to you, Sasha.'' Armin said while scratching the back of his head shyly.

 

''Are you kidding? We teamed up!'' She turned back to look at me as she whispered ''That guy is too humble.''

 

''Can’t agree more on that,'' I admitted before taking a bite. ''OH SHIT! This is fucking good!'' I shouted, mouth full.

 

Sasha laughed fiercely to that, taking the praise along with it.

 

It was only the four of us in this spot. I didn’t know where Jean and Mikasa were. I didn’t dare to ask, at this moment. I was satisfied with our duos. When there’s no Jean, there’s peace.

 

''I wonder where is Jean. '' Connie asked suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

 

Thanks Connie for bringing that up. I was happy. How mean you are.

 

''Probably still at the cottage. Is Mikasa coming finally?'' Sasha asked curiosity in his tone.

 

''Apparently. But something’s telling me she only accepted because you guys are here.'' He pointed out at Armin and I. ''Did she knows about your trip?''

 

''Of course, she did…'' started Armin before exchanging me a look. ''She seemed very worried, though.'' He snorted at the memory.

 

''That’s so Mikasa,'' I said, rolling my eyes before smiling fondly. ''I guess that’s the charm with her. If you like this kind of attention.''

 

''Do you?'' Sasha asked.

 

I shrugged to that. ''Meh. Not that I mind. It’s fine. I’m getting used to it by now. Not only me but Armin too.'' I looked at Armin beside me to find that there was something hidden in his eyes. Bites me, I can’t figure out what. ''Right?'' I asked when I noticed that he seemed lost in deep thoughts.

 

''Y-yeah...'' He replied, changing his facade so quickly like nothing. ''But she’s worst with you,'' Armin replied sticking out his tongue to me, before launching his cutest laugh. ''She probably has more trust in me.'' He winked twice playfully.

 

''Uh, What? No! Why?!''

 

''You guys sound like you’re talking about your mom.'' Connie interrupted as he gave us a funny look, chuckling like crazy.

 

''Who are you calling a mom?''

 

''Mikasa! Jean!'' Armin exclaimed excitedly as he got up to hug Mikasa right away.

 

''No one.'' Connie yelped a little before whistling to save his skin.

 

''No one told me that the suicidal bastard would be at the party. Oh! And hi, Armin!''

 

''Ha. Ha. Really funny. Nice to see you too Jean. Where is that shitty nickname coming from anyway? Horse face.''

 

''Eren.'' Armin called out calmly. "Remember. Ok?" he continued with pleading eyes.

 

''He started!''

 

''So, what’s brought you here?'' Jean asked, ignoring the sudden exchange.

 

''The ocean!'' replied Armin instantly. ''I bring Eren with me because he promised me he would come. That… and also because Mikasa wouldn't have let me go alone, anyway.''

 

''I’m surprised that she let you alone with Eren. The guy can’t even save his own ass. If anything, He’s probably more a burden, than a help.'' Jean replied before launching a snort.

 

''Shut your month, Jean!'' I burst out, before turning my gaze to Mikasa. ''You know, I’m surprised you accepted Jean’s offer, Mikasa. If you wanted to come with us you simply had to ask. Not that we haven’t asked you first. What made you change your mind so suddenly?'' I asked, frowning at the look she was wearing.

 

''We need to talk. Alone. Both of you.'' she replied firmly but controlled.

 

Armin and I exchanged a worried look before returning our gaze on Mikasa. She seemed seriously alarmed behind her stoic facade. Strangely, I wondered if she knew something. I was now very anxious about what she wanted to talk us. She came all the way here to talk? It had to be serious.

 

There was now an uncomfortable silence settling around all of us. I don't know if it was my imagination, but the air was not so hot anymore. It was rather glacial for a summer temperature. I shivered when the breeze touched my skin unexpectedly. I felt the cold running through my veins. The only warming spot existant was transmitted by Armin's shoulder against mine. I was so grateful to have him by my side, at this moment.

 

Like always.

 


	9. Déjà vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord. This chapter is the longest I believe. I know I don't really update really fast and thanks for your patience! I just believe that it's better for me to take it slows when I feel like it. I prefer delivering quality over quantity. Anyway. I hope you would like it and keep leaving comments! It's always great to read you. :D 
> 
> Eren is dealing with a lot of things... and we're starting to get clearer answers about that.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: If you want you can listen to ''Compass'' by Zella Day. It fits Eren's feelings in my opinion.

 

The rain had just started to sprinkle in the forest. it was evening and the last rays of sunshine were piercing through the cloudy openings sky. The warm yellow light was creating patterns on the ground, along the movement of the earth turning slowly. It was definitively colder by now, but the sun was still up to warm our hearts up before it says its goodbye. The fresh air was making me shivering because of my hair still slightly wet from this afternoon and the light rain wasn’t helping the case.

 

Armin and I came back alone to the camp to take down our tents and picking up our things. Sasha has invited us to join them at her summer cottage. Her dad’s cottage, I must say. She just convinced him to own it for the whole week. Obviously, Armin accepted without exception her proposition, too excited for all the activities she offered. For my part, I couldn’t say no. Not after seeing him getting that enthusiastic. Not that I particularly wanted to decline but… I kind of wanted, somewhere in the back of my mind. I wanted to be alone.

 

But you know, sometimes life gives you unexpected things and it often turns out to be the best things you could have asked. So, with that in mind, I was looking forward to our new adventures.

 

As I remembered Mikasa’s appearance from earlier, I started wondering why I felt so nervous around her. I wanted to run away. I wanted to be small. So small, I would disappear into dust. There was something in her eyes that send panic to my bones and for some reasons, I started to believe that Armin was knowing something I don’t. They exchanged a certain look and I couldn’t shake the curiosity off me. Since I arrived here, I keep feeling left behind a point. Like I’m missing something important and it was bugging the heck out of me. My thoughts are constantly everywhere and now that I’m too surrounded by people to even think straight, I can’t keep my calm. How am I supposed to deal with all the insecurities building inside of me?

 

It’s not like I can hide anywhere, anyway. The timing might not be the best for me but I can’t run from my heart and my heart is where Armin belongs. This is what I understood these past few days.

 

Cheesy, I know.

 

I would never have believed me if one day I had told my younger self that I would fall in love with my best friend. That kind of stuff never crossed my mind. I guess… Armin is an exception. He is the trigger to a lot of aspects in my life. I simply never knew… that it was about to explode at some point in the future. He appeared and all my stars collided and everything was brand new. It was my own little big bang and I made a world out of it.

 

Is that how love is working?

 

It sounds destructive, but it feels delivering. It’s a free fall to take, or you’d never know what’s waiting for you when you hit the ground.

 

It might be paradise.

 

I was impatient to hear what Mikasa had to say. Not it in a very good way but… It was making me feel uneasy, to be left in this silence. She had kept it a secret until now, saying that It would probably be better to talk later after she left a cold atmosphere. That’s when Sasha invited us, changing the topic upside down. But... The more I’m waiting for answers behind Mikasa’s visit... the more I’m growing anxious.

 

I glanced at Armin while he was undoing the tent pegs. I love looking at him when he isn’t looking. When he is concentrated, his soft features are deepening, there’s a little frown apparent and his lips turn into a thin line everytime he bites down his lower one. There’s something satisfying in knowing every little detail like that. It feels like I know him by heart and nothing could ever change that.

 

''I’m done!'' Armin said, satisfied as he was putting an amount of peg back in his bag. ''I can’t wait to see Sasha’s cottage. I can’t wait to go boating and fishing. Talk about memories! I haven’t fished once in five years.''

 

''Hm. I was totally fine with camping, to be honest.''

 

''You’re kidding me, right? You were grumpy on day one because you were missing your bed.''

 

''Y-yeah. Well, I changed my mind, ok!'' I replied cheaply, sounding almost childish in my deny.

 

Armin laughed beautifully at that, though. ''Well… then, let’s set our tents outside the cottage!'' He offered, smiling till it met his big blue eyes.

 

''…Will we share the same?'' I said carefully analyzing his reactions as I glanced up at him from where I stood.

 

''Talking about that…'' he started softly, lowering his eyes to the ground, shoulder lacking confidence as he wore a shy expression. ''Sorry for being complicated. You must be so confused. I’m so sorry. I’ll understand if you are tired of me...''

 

''Stop apologizing.''

 

''Sor- um I mean.. Ok.'' He said, looking away. Not so sure what to do with his hands.

 

''If there’s someone to blame here, it’s me. I should be the one apologizing. I’ve been pushing you and… this is…'' I said, releasing a sharp sigh, followed by a shaky laugh. ''It’s weird. It’s so unusual coming from me.''

 

Armin wasn’t saying a thing. He was listening carefully, though. Even if I wasn’t looking at him at this moment, I could feel his eyes lingering on me. And I continued...

 

''When I think about it, I have never been the type of guy who needed proximity. I don’t even comprehend why so suddenly I want…'' I stopped, trying to figure out how to say it properly. I glanced in his direction for a few seconds before failing at saying it. It might be obvious, though. I’m so transparent. ''You know…? That’s why I’m not mad or anything… I’m just trying to understand my sudden change of mind.. and I’m trying to understand you as well. We seem so close Armin… yet so far. It’s starting to haunt me. I feel guilty for that.''

 

''Don’t! Please, don’t think too much. It’s my fault. I need to make a point with something… first.''

 

''Funny.''

 

''Uh? What’s funny?''

 

''Armin… how did you know that you were… attracted to… boy?'' I asked a little shy by the intimacy of the question. I couldn’t look him in the eyes.

 

''Oh. Umm. It was you.'' he said bluntly and that was enough for me to meet his eyes.

 

''What?...''

 

He let out a little giggle at that. He was blushing slightly and it was his turn to look away. ''It just happened. I can’t remember when I noticed but… it was you. You are the only one who ever held my attention.. or mostly you were the first to give me attention at all. I guess… I knew when I felt the butterflies in my stomach everytime you touched me or when I couldn’t sleep at night because I missed you. That was scary, though...''

 

''...Scary?''

 

''Yes. I didn’t know you could love me back someday, Eren. I never expected you to feel something more. I would have never expected anything from you other than friendship. I dreamed about it... but never in the world, I would have ruined our friendship in taking that risk.''

 

''But why?''

 

''Different reasons. First being that I never thought you were seeing me that way. This is such a terrifying step to take when you are in love with your best friend. I don’t think I would have had the courage to deal with all of this. That’s why… I would have kept it quiet. I wanted to be by your side no matter what as your friend.''

 

''So... you are… in love… with me?''

 

Armin was giving me a ´Are you fucking serious?’ look and then, I felt stupid. Of course, I knew that already deep down but hearing it was something completely different.

 

''Remember when you pressed me against that tree?'' It sounded like a question but it was only evidence. ''We were connected, right? Well, I felt it all at once. That love coming out of you. And I thought 'How could someone want me that much? I have nothing special to give.' ''

 

''Don’t you dare. Armin… look at me.'' I took him firmly by the shoulders for making him face me. ''You are everything I need. I- I can’t explain it very well because I suck at words and I hate myself for that. In my head, it’s so beautifully said, but I can’t manage to say it right. It makes me angry because you make so much sense in my life. I can’t take you out of my system. You… you are keeping me in balance. So…'' I said, breathing out the air I was holding in without knowing.

 

His eyes were so full of expectation. The clear blue of his eyes was sparkling, it was emanating from where the sunshine touched, like pure light. I knew at this instant that it was only a matter of time. That Armin had made his mind on something already. All, I wanted to do was to drown into those ocean eyes forever, breath in the water and die in them. They were the mirror of what I needed the most and I was scared to shut my eyes and let it go.

 

''… You know what’s 'funny'? ''

 

''N-no..''

 

''I have never been attracted to any boys before. In fact, I never knew I could be interested in them at all. What did you do to me?'' I asked with an amused tone.

 

''Have you been attracted to anything before, Eren?'' He asked back, inner laugh slightly perceptive.

 

''Chocolate!'' I replied jokingly. ''No, honestly… I don’t know even… I have never been in love with anybody else before.'' I shrugged as I lowered my sight to my feet.

 

''You don’t have to be in love to know that.''

 

''Then, I guess… it does matter to me.'' I explained almost sounding like I was telling a secret.

 

''Who would have guessed that Eren was a romantic beneath the shell?'' He said it in such a lovely manner, my heart skipped a beat.

 

''You do strange things to me.''

 

I took a step closer, breaking the distance between us.

 

''Is… is that b-bad?'' He asked, shyly. I felt him becoming weak as I pressed a hand down his spine, pulling him against me.

 

''No… in the contrary… I actually love it so freaking much.'' I said, brushing my lips against the surface of his neck. ''I- I have to control myself all the time. If only you knew what is crossing my mind right now…'' I whispered into his ear, purring the words a little.

 

''E-Eren…''

 

''Yeah?''

 

''I still owe you something.'' He said, sounding breathless.

 

''What? What are you talking about?''

 

''The promise I made to you earlier.''

 

''Oh! Geez… I totally forgot about that. I failed a little though...''

 

''Well… It’s never too late to forget about it if- ''

 

''NO!'' I exclaimed a little too loud in a rush. ''I mean… no.''

 

''Let’s keep it for later.''

 

And he kissed me by surprise. Suddenly, my whole little world spun and I forgot where I was. I was not so cold anymore. I was rather hot in my clothes and I was craving to remove them along with Armin’s.

 

But I didn’t.

 

I wanted to make it last, to cherish the moment. As Armin licked my lower lips, asking for permission, I lost my mind. The kiss was deepening and I was so close to pinning him down to the ground.

 

But I didn’t.

 

He slightly removed his lips off mines as he whispered ''If only you knew what is crossing my mind as well.''

 

I started to lose track of my actions. In a rush, It cames back to me, at once. Those chills running down my spine. Those enerving beats of heart hitting in my skull. I couldn’t think straight at the sound. I was biting Armin's lower lip, grabbing him so tightly against me, that I thought I would crush him. We were back at it. The connection was piercing through Armin’s heart and I lost myself in the colors coming out of it. I wanted to paint my whole world into it and to forget about everything else.

 

If Armin’s heart was a house, I’d be home.

 

In a blink, there was a flash that popped into my head. It wasn’t so colorful anymore. In fact, it faded. I felt the hot tears running down my cheeks. They were unstoppable. I tasted like salt as I was kissing Armin and I started to wonder if it was mines or his. I wondered why we were getting so emotional about it. And then… before I had the time to prepare myself, I saw it.

 

I saw a vision.

 

I saw a nightmare.

 

Nothing could have broken the moment otherwise but… I backed away from Armin roughly. I was shaking and I panicked. My heartbeat speeded up and I wasn't understanding what was happening to me. Definitely, something was abnormal with me.

 

My heart was getting cold, my vision blurred out and I felt untouched and lonely suddenly. It felt like a deep memory buried a long time ago and I couldn’t quite shake it. It felt so real, I thought I was going crazy. This is only when Armin touched my cheek that I snapped out of it. He wiped my tears away and he looked up at me with his tearing eyes.

 

''Did you finally see it?'' he asked softly.

 

''W-wha?...'' I was so shaken up, I forgot how to speak.

 

''Did you see it?''

 

''I- you saw it too?'' I was breathing loudly and I tried to calm down.

  
It wasn't working.

  
''We were connected back together.''

  
''I- I need to lay down. '' I said, as I did so. I was laying on the leaves covering the ground, facing the opening sky. I could still feel the tears running down from what it was left before it stopped completely.

 

''Do you believe me now?'' he asked, expecting an answer from me.

 

''Don’t do it again, Armin. I beg you.''

 

''Sorry... I believe that’s what happens when we kiss or something like that. I can’t really control it.''

 

''You are kidding me, right?'' I replied, pushing myself up on my elbows, quickly.

 

''N-no! Eren! Listen… think about it for a minute. Every time we kiss.. we keep dreaming about specific things the following night. The closer we get, the closer we have answers!''

 

''Armin! That’s fucked up! What the fuck is going on? You are scaring the shit out of me with this theory.''

 

''B-but…''

 

''I want to forget what I just saw. This isn’t normal! There are no such things in this world… godammit! Ugh. I’m feeling so angry right now I don’t even know why!'' I leaned back again, pressing my back against the grass, palms covering my face.

 

''But-''

 

''Armin… please. Just… give me a minute. I’m feeling uneasy. Just… just wait. I need to calm down.''

 

''All right.''

 

The silence fell and all I could hear was the rain making a peaceful sound. I started to feel the humidity on my clothes, but I couldn’t care less at the moment. Not after what I had just seen. It was a horrible image and I could still see it even with my eyes shut. When I opened them, I realize that this forest was the one figuring in my vision. Suddenly, my mind went blank. I couldn’t move. I was stuck in my thoughts and I wondered why I came here to start with. All of sudden, I felt a pressure on my chest and I snapped out of my mental state. Armin took my hand in his, entwining our fingers together and squeezed it.

 

''It would be ok, Eren. '' he said, sounding almost like a whisper.

 

''How do you know?'' I whispered back, unable to speak out loud any longer.

 

''Have I ever lied to you?''

 

This might sound weird… but something popped into my mind when I looked down at Armin right after he said that. It felt like a déjà vu and without more explanation, I needed to wrap my arms around him tightly to never let him go.

 

''Please. Don’t go.'' I said softly like if my life depended on it.

 

''I’m not going anywhere, Eren.''

 

''Promise me you won't leave my side.''

 

''I promise.''

 

'I love you.'

 

I don’t know if I said it or thought it, I was too tired to notice, all of sudden. I don’t know if I slept or if I was only lost in my fantasies, but I saw the colors coming back at me. The ones guiding me back. Like the needle of a compass pointing the way back home.

 

'Welcome back.'

 


	10. Your Love is A Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It's been a little while. I'm very busy with real life but I still write this story whenever I can.  
> This is the longest chapter I wrote. I hope it would please you. :) We are getting closer to the end. I can feel it arrived.  
> Anyway, I hope you still enjoy it. Leave me comments. It's always a pleasure to read you all.
> 
> see ya!

 

The tick-tock of the clock was echoing in the quiet room. I was lying on the bed, transfixed by the spinning fan in front of me, too preoccupied. Meanwhile, everybody was downstairs being loud and excited to be reunited, I was there, alone, in this guest room, completely drained by new emotions. Without mentioning the small cold I caught on the way to the cottage. Not only I was submerged by new fears, but I was slowly getting sick. Literally and psychologically.

 

How perfect.

 

The worst part wasn’t the cold. The worst part was that I ignored the meaning of the mess building inside of me. I was feeling different. As if a void started to get filled. Avoid I had no idea I had before. My inner demons were suddenly craving to crawl up out of the surface, after a long sleep. It's scaring me. My vision was still haunting my soul and I couldn’t do anything about it. Was it a sign, the past or the future? I wasn’t so sure myself. Was Armin right about the memories thing? All I know is that it felt so real. I felt trapped inside my own body. The images were stuck there in my brain, even with my eyes shut.

 

I wish I had never seen it, to start with.

 

Monsters.

 

The bed was so comfortable. I had missed the comfort of a bed. I haven’t noticed how bad my back was aching, until now. I spend too many nights outside sleeping on the ground. That definitely hasn’t helped. I wanted to stay there and never get out of this bed ever again. If only I could hush the voices in my head and rest a little. But overthinking was all I was able to do.

 

That’s when I heard steps rushing in at the other side of the door. Blond fluffy hair bouncing in every direction as he pushed the door open. His shadow fell over as soon the light behind filled the opening door.

 

''Eren! Come join us! '' Armin offered, dancing on the tip of his feet.

 

''Too lazy. '' I replied, hiding my eyes in the crook of my elbow.

 

''But… You’ve been there for the past 40 minutes already. We’re playing board games. '' he said, sounding a little disappointed.

 

''Don’t want to. '' I mumbled.

 

''Are you all right? '' he asked suddenly, releasing the handle.

 

''I’m tired, Armin. ''

 

''But it’s only 7 pm. ''

 

''So? ''

 

''Are you still mad at me? Is that why you hide in here? ''

 

''No. I’m not mad. And first of all, I have never been. ''

 

''Then, what’s the real problem? ''

 

''I’m sick. '' I finally explained. I was sick of secrets, sick of this nonsense… And I was literally getting sick now.

 

I felt a weight on the side of the bed, pulling me towards it. It surprised me at first, so I half sat instantly to end up almost nose to nose with Armin.

 

''Did you catch a cold? '' he asked, Big blue worried eyes looking right through mines. It was quite dark in the room, the sun was gone outside and Armin was standing in front of the bright light coming out of the door frame. I couldn’t read him well because of that, but at this distance, It was easy to guess.

 

''Maybe… I think— ''

 

He didn’t let me finish, his palm was already pressed against my forehead.

 

''You don’t seem to have a fever. That’s a good thing. ''

 

''It’s probably nothing. ''

 

''Oh geez, Eren! You haven’t changed your clothes yet. You have to dry them out. No wonder why you’re sick! ''

 

''Not my fault, I felt weak all of sudden. ''

 

''And you keep saying that it’s nothing? ''

 

''Don’t worry. I’ll survive. ''

 

''Help yourself a little and change. You won’t get any better with those clothes on. ''

 

''Wait— ''

 

Armin started removing the shirt above my abdomen, before I stopped him, holding his wrists in my palms.

 

''I can do it myself. It’s a little… embarrassing if you undress me like that. ''

 

''I don’t have any bad intentions, Eren. Unlike you. '' He softly snorted at that. Of course, he was joking but we both knew he wasn’t completely in the wrong.

 

''Thank you. You make me sound like a pervert. ''

 

''Well. You didn't prove me wrong. '' He said, an inner laugh leaving gently his lungs. '' But seriously, you better take it off. ''

 

''Eager? '' I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

 

''Shut up and take it off! '' he exclaimed half firmly, half laughing. He was pulling off my shirt. We were both laughing hard as I was trying to struggle against his will. When he finally managed to throw it on the ground, we stopped laughing progressively. We were staring at each other, a silence settling back. The clock was playing its rhythm once again, in union with our shaky breathing.

 

Shit.

 

I closed my eyes as I leaned back on the bed, stuffing my face into the pillow I just found above my head.

 

This feeling.

 

A huge part of me feels like it’s all right to lose my head with Armin. This feeling is so over the place. It’s getting stronger by the time. Fighting against it is like being deprived of something vital. Like oxygen. But now, it's different. I’m so scared to kiss him again. If Armin is right, I might have another dream or another vision like those I had. I’m not sure if I’m ready for this. I'm not all right. I’m so conflicted. What’s the right thing to do at this point? My heart and my head are not on the same page, anymore.

 

''I— I’ll be back with dried clothes. '' He said, after a moment, breaking the tension. I felt him get out of the bed before I grabbed him by the arm. He fell back on the edge of the mattress.

 

At this point, I was waiting for Armin to say something or to argue. But he didn’t. I opened one eye to glance at him, as I removed the pillow away from my face, halfway.

 

''Eren, '' He started. ''I— '' he stopped once again. His eyes saddened, yet they were so bright against the light. I don’t know why he was wearing such a dejected expression. I had hoped to find anything but sadness there.

 

''What’s wrong? '' I said, a little concerned by the way he was looking at me. He wasn’t directly looking at me but… his eyes were fighting back with something.

 

Again.

 

I was still holding Armin by the arm. My palm was burning against his skin. My grip tightens.

 

''I didn’t tell you everything, '' he whispered the words like he wasn't authorized to say them. He bit down on his lower lip really hard and I could see the tears shining in the corners of his eyes before he looks away.

 

''What? Why are you crying? '' I said, sitting back on the bed.

 

''Why does it have to hurt like that? '' He softly spoke, fighting sobs.

 

''I’m not following. You are worrying me, please stop. ''

 

He turned his head to look at me. He wiped away his teary eyes immediately and leaned in a little as if he was trying to find some kind of strength in my gaze.

 

''I don't know if I can do this. '' He said as he lowered his eyes.

 

I leveled his chin up, making him look at me.

 

''Armin. You have to be clear with me. I’m not in your head. What can I do? Do we have to kiss for me to understand? Do we have to be connected back? Do I have to steal information from you that way? Are there anyways? Where're the instructions? I thought we were on the same page. I thought you loved me— ''

 

''I am! That’s mainly why it hurts me. '' He suddenly replied, his voice slightly louder than expected. He was fighting with something invisible for me to see. He had to tell me. Otherwise, we will be stuck like that forever.

 

''Then what? What are you hiding from me? '' I asked, a little angrily, a little hurt.

 

''I don’t think it’s all right if I say it. I can’t tell you, I’m not the right person. I’m not in the position to say this to you. ''

 

''What’s so important for you to keep your distance? '' I breathlessly said the words. I was so fucking tired of this.

 

I needed Armin to be there for me. I needed him so freaking bad on my side. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing us drift apart. If it's even the case. Whatever he was trying to do. He was letting me believe that we were getting closer but... I'm feeling like I'm the only one pulling on the rope, risking to hit the ground the minute Armin would let go.

 

Something flashed in Armin's eyes, at this very moment. they were still hurt, but they were calmer. '' Ok, Eren. Listen to me,'' he whispered.

 

I said nothing. I was listening.

 

''I want to tell you very badly but... the words just won't come out. And to be honest, It won't be fair if I'm telling you because It doesn't concern me. Well, It kind of does... but what I mean is it's not only implying me. ''

 

I was still quiet. I was preparing myself for what was following next. When he noticed that I was still listening carefully, he kept on talking.

 

''But... I can tell you this. It has something to do with— ''

 

''We are waiting for you, guys! What is taking you so — '' said Mikasa entering the door frame.

 

I felt a lost suddenly at my side. Armin got out of the bed so fast, in a blink of an eye, he was gone. My eyes didn't have the time to adjust to what they were seeing. He turned a little to fast on his feet to keep his balance, so he felt very bad on the ground. I only heard the sound. I didn’t see correctly what happened but I was trying hard not to laugh. I forgot that I was anxious for a moment. simply like that, like it never have been there. Mikasa, on the other hand, seemed very suspicious by the whole scene.

 

''Are you ok? '' she asked curiously, a hint of 'what the fuck is going on here'.

 

''Y-yes! I just… stumbled. '' He replied, getting back on his feet. '' Ow. ''

 

''On Eren? '' She said suspiciously.

 

I lost it there.

 

''Why is it so dark here? Are you coming or not? '' She said, a little more coldly than intended as she turned the lights on.

 

''Ow! My eyes! Mikasa shut the lights off! '' I cried, covering my eyes. It was so damn bright. Jesus Christ!

 

''Only if you get your ass out of this bed. You’re being antisocial, Eren. That’s rude. '' She shifted on her legs, pressing her shoulder against the frame, as she crossed her arms.

 

''I’m just fucking tired! Leave me alone.'' I laid back on the bed, my arms over my face to block the light.

 

''It’s fine Mikasa. Eren need sleep.'' He simply explained.

 

''But it’s too early! '' She replied like it was an invalid excuse.

 

''Why does it matter? '' I said, holding my arms in the air before letting them fall loosely on the bed.

 

''Why are you shirtless? '' she asked, totally ignoring my question.

 

''Ah— '' I propped myself up on one elbow at that.

 

''Eren caught a cold. '' Armin continued. He said the words so fast. It wasn't even subtle. He seemed like a trapped mouse in the corner of the room, trying so hard to get out of a trap. I've never seen Armin that tense before.

 

''Oh. Sorry! Are you fine? '' She asked, sounding a little too worried, suddenly. Her face changed for something less controlled, more scared. '' Do you need something? ''

 

Mikasa can get a little overdramatic sometimes. You should never play it sarcastically with her.

 

NEVER.

 

She will take it seriously and never let you go!

 

I'm half joking here.

 

''No. I’m fine. Don’t worry. '' I replied.

 

''Ok. But... I still don’t get why you’re shirtless, though. ''

 

I was trying to find a way to explain this without making it sounds too weird. What was there to say? Armin took off my shirt because I was wet? Wait— it sounds so wrong!

 

See, That's exactly why you should never let me talk.

 

''...Never heard of heat transfer? '' I said without thinking.

 

Wow. Really Eren? That was all you could bring up?

 

''What? ''

 

''Oh god, Eren! '' Armin was now hiding his face in his palms.

 

''I panicked! ok! ''

 

''You’re not helping, AT ALL. '' He said back, throwing me knifes with his eyes. They were more like butter knifes.

 

''Now I kind of want to know. '' Mikasa affirmed, curiously.

 

''Well... You know... when you’re body is cold and —»

 

Before I knew, Armin’s hands were over my mouth. ''We were not applying that! Why are we having this discussion?! You couldn't just say that we were about to change?... I mean YOU were about to change...''

 

''Armin… '' Mikasa called his name skeptically. ''What’s going on? ''

 

''Nothing. '' he softly said nervously. I heard him gulp a little. His eyes went blank for a second, he was staring at his hands over my mouth the whole time, thoughtfully.

 

''You are acting strange. '' she said.

 

''… Mikasa. We need to talk. '' he managed to reply calmly. Then, he leveled his eyes to meet mines. ''Actually, no. You should talk to Eren. '' He removed his hands to let them fall on his side.

 

I frowned at that. What was that?

 

''We all need to talk. I came here for the main reason, after all. '' Mikasa said, after entering the room.

 

''No… I mean, yes… but there’s something else. '' he closed his eyes softly. Taking a breath.

 

''Something else? ''

 

He turned away from me, finally getting out of the bed to face Mikasa properly.

 

''I’m— I’m sorry, Mikasa. '' Armin said, playing with his hands.

 

''Guys!? Are you coming or not? '' Asked Sasha downstairs. We could hear her voice echoing in the corridor.

 

I almost forgot about the rest of the world. I was too preoccupied with what was going on in this room. I had forgotten where I was. Where I stood. I felt like I was not belonging here. Like I was part of the room and Armin and Mikasa were alone talking.

 

''Give us one more minute! '' Mikasa answered loudly enough for her to hear.

 

''I need some air. '' Armin said.

 

''Hey! Where are you going? Wait! Armin! '' I tried to stop him as he was walking away but he was now too far to reach.

 

He stopped briefly to cross the room.

 

''Eren. Trust me. It would be better if you talk to Mikasa. Otherwise, I won’t be able to keep going like this. '' He said, looking over his shoulder. He wasn't smiling but something in the sound of his voice was honest.

 

''So… that’s it? Is it Mikasa?'' I asked, sounding confident in my speculation.

 

''I'm leaving you alone. '' he said, unlooking me this time. He was looking at Mikasa and she seemed to get something. Her features changed for something smoother.

 

''See you later. '' He simply said, before closing slowly the door as he gets out.

 

Mikasa didn’t even try to stop him. She just stood there like she was about to announce me something silly. I felt exposed. I was only wearing pants so… you know. Now that the atmosphere was awkward, I wasn’t comfortable, anymore.

 

Not that I was before. I just... kind of forgot.

 

Mikasa reached the dresser to her left, pulling out a big shirt from the top drawer and threw it to me.

 

''I’m not talking to you like that. Put this on. ''

 

''How did you know there was a shirt in there? ''

 

''I didn’t know. ''

 

I just nodded, unknowing what to say. Then, I put the shirt on. It was so big. it probably belongs to Sasha's father. That's what I thought.

 

''So… '' I started.

 

''Armin is so hard on himself. '' she interrupted.

 

''I know. It’s quite sad. ''

 

''You should shake him up a little. ''

 

I giggled a little at that. '' Mikasa, ''

 

''Yes? ''

 

''What was all that about? ''

 

'' Armin is such a good friend. I can’t believe it. '' she whispered, looking down at her feet.

 

'' That’s not a secret. ''

 

'' I know. I was only thinking out loud. '' She replied, crossing the room to sit at the end of the bed.

 

'' Then… ''

 

'' He probably thinks I’m in love with you, Eren. '' She bluntly said, but gently.

 

'' You— What? ''

 

'' Eren. I’m not blind. We practically grew up together. ''

 

'' You’re in love with— ''

 

'' Armin probably don’t want to break us. '' She continued to talk, ignoring that I was there confused as fuck. She was looking at the wall, not even at me.

 

'' That’s… Woh. Is it true? ''

 

'' Of course not. ''

 

'' Oh. '' I was relieved a little. I don't want to adventure myself into a triangle. I don't even want to think about it.

 

'' Once upon a time, it was... kind of true, though. ''

 

I chocked on saliva.

 

'' Don’t react like that. I’m over it. We were just kids. Armin and I talked about it years ago. It was all about sharing something we loved together. I don't know... I think we might have promised to stay together forever no matter what.''

 

'' So… you knew for Armin. ''

 

'' I knew. And I knew for you too.''

 

'' Uh? ''

 

'' You love him Eren, Right? I mean... I always felt like you were sharing something deep with Armin. ''

 

'' I do. You're right. ''

 

'' It’s about time. ''

 

I looked at her in the eyes at that.

 

'' I have realized that it was not my battle. But yours. '' she continued.

 

'' What do you mean by that? ''

 

'' Love is a battlefield, Eren. Yours is a gift. Take care of it. ''

 

'' Since when you're wise like that? '' I snorted at the last word.

 

She shrugged. '' I'm watching too many movies, I guess. '' she said, offering me a tender smile.

 

'' I see. '' I smiled back at her. Her scarf was falling loosely on her shoulder so I reached out to wrap it better.

 

''Thank you. '' She said, a little shy by the gesture.

 

''Anytime. '' I said, smiling.

 

''Enough. Go find Armin. '' she said, breaking the atmosphere. Probably embarrassed.

 

I laughed slightly at that. ''Mikasa, ''

 

''Yes? ''

 

I gave her a sweet little kiss at the corner of her mouth. She didn’t move. She only blinked. A little confused. Her breath caught in her throat. I just thought it was something I should give Mikasa in return. She has opened my eyes. I was feeling better now that I knew what Armin was struggling with.

 

Even if it was representing a parcel of all the questions in my head. All the mysteries surrounding us. I felt more confident.

 

I was ready to devote my heart to this battle. To face my demons. To face everything.

 

''Don't give me your germs. '' she said quietly, half joking.

 

Oops. I forgot I was sick.

 

'' Thank you. '' I whispered, before leaving the room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarified something. When Mikasa is telling Eren that she pratically grew up with 'him', she means both of them (Armin and Eren). They are childhood friends, after all. Eren and Mikasa doesn't live together in this story. They are simply friends. I just wanted to clarified that.


	11. Blurry Whisper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a month since I posted. But here I go! An update!!!  
> I hope you're all still there with me. :) Thanks for all your kudos and support.  
> I'm doing it for you guys. Eremin shippers, I won't let you down.
> 
> See ya!
> 
> xo

I rushed down the stairs to look for Armin, but he wasn’t anywhere to be found. In fact, I wasn’t that surprised. He did mention that he needed some fresh air, after all. Sasha and Connie were playing a game in the living room, rhythmed music playing in the background. They seemed pretty absorbed in it until I step into the room and suddenly, they lost their focus completely.

 

'' What’s wrong?— You’re so pale. '' Sasha asked, eyes widening a little at her last notice.

 

'' Where’s Armin? '' I asked back without answering her, a little breathless.

 

'' He went outside without saying anything. Are you sure everything is fine? '' she said, wearing a worried expression which fast turned into a quizzical look.

 

'' It’s… a long story. '' I said. More like a mumble that anything.

 

'' Why on earth are you wearing my dad’s shirt? '' she asked back, raising one eyebrow suspiciously.

 

Oh no.

 

'' That’s… another long story. '' I laughed nervously, sounding ridiculously suspicious at this point. How am I supposed to explain it? Every word I say is always much worst in this kind of situation. I should just shut my mouth on that and—

 

'' What were you doing in this room? '' snorted Connie, eyeing me strangely.

 

'' Listen. I don’t have the time to explain everything in details but… I’m sick and it’s mostly due because— ''

 

'' Please, don’t tell me you puked on the bed so that’s why you changed. I can’t stand puke!! '' Sasha's face was horrified as she spoke.

 

I’ve never seen her like that. What’s the big deal? Is it part of her phobias or something? Does it even exist?

 

'' It’s just a cold, Sasha. '' I answered, frowning a little.

 

'' Thank god. '' she leaned back on her seat. I little bit too relieved and happy.

 

'' Thanks for the concern. I guess? '' I replied. I wasn’t so sure if she was relieved because I didn’t throw up in the sheets or because I was having just a cold. If you ask me... I would bet on the first answer.

 

Oh well.

 

'' Where’s Jean? '' I asked as soon as I noticed his absence.

 

'' He went out to look for Armin. '' Connie simply explained, returning his eyes on the board game.

 

'' That bastard. '' I mumbled.

 

'' Uh? '' They both said in unison.

 

'' Nothing. '' I said before leaving the living room in a rush, not paying attention to them anymore. As I reached the front door and opened it, I first noticed the darkness of the forest. There was no sign of life outside. Only the light coming from the cottage’s windows falling on the ground. I shivered a little under the chilling breeze. There was no Armin, no Jean around the porch. Only a deathly silence accompanied by locust singing. I was, in fact, worried a little now.

 

'' Can I borrow you a jacket from the closet? '' I asked Sasha from the corridor.

 

'' Yeah. Sure. Don't be sick in it, though. '' She answered sarcastically. I could hear Connie’s laugh echoing.

 

I shook my head, smiling to myself. As I did, I found a large black jacket in the closet. I put it on and I stepped outside, converses pressed against the cracking wood. I closed the door behind me and listened carefully to the sound of silence. If only I could detect a sound, a voice or something. I'll know which way to go. Oh, Thinking about it, I forgot to bring a light with me. The moonlight was bright enough so it wasn't so bad in the opening area, where there were no trees to cover it up. But, there's no way I'll be able to see a thing in the forest. Then I saw a flash of light coming at my right, behind the branches. So, I went down the stairs, my hands still in my pockets. My breath was slightly perceptive in the fresh air. I went toward the source of light and then I recognized Jean’s voice calling for Armin in the dark. As I was getting closer, branches and leafs breaking under my shoes, Jean turned the flashlight right into my eyes as he was bit taken aback by my presence.

 

'' You idiot! It hurts you know! ''

 

'' Oh. It’s just you. '' He said, putting an emphasis on the word 'just'.

 

'' Yeah... So, You can’t find him? '' I signed first, rolling my eyes.

 

'' Nope. Armin disappeared. I searched everywhere near the cabin. What did you do, Jaeger? ''

 

'' Scuse me? ''

 

'' Oh don’t play it dumb. You know what I mean. Armin was so alive before he went upstairs. When he came back he seemed so… depressed. You must have something to do with it. ''

 

'' It’s none of your business and it’s NOT what you think. ''

 

'' Whatever you say. I don’t even know what to think, honestly. That's why I'm asking. ''

 

'' Don't bother. Leave it to me, Jean. It’s between him and me. '' I sneezed right after that statement.

 

I was feeling a bit dizzy, out of sudden.

 

'' Are you sick? '' He asked, frowning slightly as if he was now seeing me more clearly.

 

'' Very savvy. '' I replied annoyed by his remark.

 

'' You look like shit. ''

 

'' Thanks, you too. ''

 

He snorted at that. '' You’ll never change. '' he shook slightly his head, smiling to himself briefly. '' Let’s find him. I just want to give a hand. He’s my friend too, you know. Plus, It’s really dark and I’m the one with the flashlight. '' He said, flickering the light in my eyes.

 

'' Ok! Ok! Fine. Whatever. But I’m warning you. Stop with that flashlight before I hit you with it.— oh! And no questions along the way. ''

 

'' Damn, why are you so angry all the time? No fun. ''

 

'' Because you piss me off that’s why!— and I’m not angry all the time. Shut up! '' I bite back, taking the flashlight out of his hand by force.

 

'' Hey! Give it back! '' he suddenly exclaimed, trying to take it back out of my hand.

 

'' You don’t even know where to go. I think it’s fair enough if I’m the one holding the flashlight. Don’t you think? '' I said, stepping back with the light under my face, smirking.

 

'' Oh! Because you know? As if you had more chance to find him in this forest. ''

 

'' I do. ''

 

'' Prove it, then. '' He said, holding my stare.

 

'' Oh, I’m counting on that. Do not worry, horse face. '' I replied, turning the light in his eyes.

 

He closed his eyes firmly, before straightening himself up. '' Smart-ass. ''

 

'' dickhead. ''

 

'' Ugh. Enough! Give it back, Jaeger! '' He tried once more to pull on the handle, but I moved too quickly.

 

'' There’s no way I’m letting you guiding us through this dark forest, Jean. '' I said, jerking the flashlight toward him.

 

'' Why not? '' he asked, unamused.

 

'' I don’t trust you. '' I smiled playfully at him.

 

'' You’re so stubborn, Eren. Fine. Whatever. Can we go now? ''

 

There was an awkward silence between us as we walked in the wood. I was seriously wondering where Armin could be Hidden. Did he run away? Did he just hide? Trying to figure it out wasn't leading anywhere. I lied a little to Jean. I have no clue where Armin can be, in reality. But I said that because I felt like it was MY responsibility to find him. I needed the lead and I really don't have any trust in Jean capacity to lead in a forest. Deep down, I was still trying to figure out what was all that fuze about. My mind was still upstairs with Armin and Mikasa. Mikasa wasn't even in love with me. Why would he run like that in making such assumptions without knowing first? He did that for the sake of Mikasa but— what about me? What about us? Why is Armin always choosing other people's happiness over his own?

 

Then, I heard a scream piercing in the deep of the forest. I stopped abruptly. frozen. Jean was following so close that he didn’t notice I was standing still, he rammed into me.

 

'' Goddamit, don’t stop walking like that, you moron!! ''

 

'' Have you heard that? '' I asked, in a total shock.

 

'' No? I heard nothing at all. ''

 

'' Are you kidding me?! It was so fucking loud!! '' I turned around quickly to look at him, eyes widen. He couldn't be serious.

 

There was another scream. This time It wasn’t even human anymore. It was SCARY.

 

'' FUCK, what was that!? '' I turned the flashlight on the source of the sound, holding my breath this time.

 

'' Hey... Are— Are you alright, Eren? You're shaking. ''

 

'' What’s up with you?! Are you deaf? '' I replied back. How can he be so calm in this situation? Was he really not able to hear any of this?

 

'' Hey! Calm down! There’s no sound at all, ok?... I should be the one asking. What’s wrong with you? You are honestly starting to scare me. ''

 

This time. It was Armin voice.

 

'' Armin? '' I whispered.

 

Then I heard him scream. I heard him calling out my name. My legs turned jelly to the sound.

 

Jean turned me around so I faced him now.

 

'' Hey, Eren! You— Geez, you are sweating so bad! I think we should go back inside—''

 

'' NO! '' I snapped back at him.

 

'' EREN! Stop! You are overreacting! I think you’re sicker than you think you are. '' He was looking at me with such a worried expression. His grip was so tight on my shoulders.

 

'' LEAVE ME ALONE! '' I angrily exclaimed, before I tried to struggle from his grip.

 

'' I’m not letting you go like that! You are clearly NOT in the state to be outside right now! '' He pressed a hand over my forehead. It got me by surprise. '' You’re having a fever! .. And you’re shivering a lot!— Enough. Let’s go back now. ''

 

'' LET GO OF ME, JEAN! I’m deadly serious! Armin screamed just now! He called out my name. I have to save him… just— ''

 

'' EREN! Listen for once! I don’t know what you caught but you are sick! There were no screams at all! Something is playing with your head I believe and even if we’re not the best buddies, I still have a heart and for fuck sake, you need to rest! So stop struggling and let’s go! I’ll find Armin by myself. Don’t worry. ''

 

'' No. '' I answered sounding almost like an unhappy kid.

 

'' You stubborn little shit! You're letting me no choice, then. '' He replied, shaking his head in disbelief before lifting me over his shoulder without my consent.

 

'' PUT ME DOWN! '' I shouted, Trying to struggle against his hold. There's no way I'm letting Jean Kirstein carrying me like that. NO! I refuse!

 

'' Eren! Don't be ridiculous. You need to calm down or you'll make it worst. '' He told me, tightening his grip on me.

 

'' Since when you care!? '' I blurted out suddenly. I little less loud this time. I was still hitting him on the back with my fists.

 

'' I’m not heartless enough to let you go through a freezing night while you’re sick like that. You look horrible. It’s scary! OW!— STOP THAT! ''

 

'' I can walk by myself! '' I mumbled back, still angrily, but definitely more softly.

 

'' Yeah right, so you can run away from me. ''

 

I sighed, defeated this time. If only I had all my strength. If only I wasn't sick and weak, at this moment. I would have been able to break free from him like a piece of cake. ''… Jean.'' I said in a calmer voice, this time around.

 

'' Yeah? ''

 

'' Something is wrong with me. '' I admitted. Somehow, it felt good to let it out.

 

'' That’s not new. haha— OW! Quit hitting me!! ''

 

'' I’m serious! ''

 

'' Why are you saying that? ''

 

'' I’m— If I’m the only one hearing all of it then… I must be crazy or something. I'm feeling dizzy. ''

 

'' It’s probably just the fever, Eren. You need a good sleep. Have you slept well lately? ''

 

'' Not… really. '' I admitted. He wasn't totally wrong but...

 

'' Lack of sleep can lead to a lot of problems. ''

 

'' But— Armin nee— ''

 

'' Armin is probably alright. He is a very clever guy. And I’m pretty sure he does not want to be the cause of your sickness or worst your death. He will come back. It's not like he's gone for days. It has only been roughly 25 minutes now or something. ''

 

'' Since when you are the wise guy? ''

 

'' Only when I must be. And clearly, I'm wiser and WAY calmer than you on a lot of things. It's not hard to beat. ''

 

'' Oh shut up and put me down. I’m very uncomfortable to be carried like that By YOU. I'm not a girl. ''

 

'' We’re almost there princess. '' He said jokingly. I could perceive that he was trying to bite back his laughter.

 

'' I'M NOT A— Ugh.. fuck! ''

 

'' What now? ''

 

'' …I think I’ll collapse. '' I whispered against his shoulder blade. My head was so heavy.. my whole body was numb.

 

'' What?! No, Eren stay awake! Focus on my voice. '' He insisted. I could hear in his tone that he was, in fact, quite panicking.

 

'' Armin… '' I whispered to myself.

 

'' Eren? ''

 

'' I'm— I’m very sleepy, suddenly. ''

 

'' Shit. Hold on a little. We’re almost there. ''

 

'' I... can't. ''

 

'' Eren? Ere—''

 

And then.. everything was a blur. Everything turned into whispers until it died.

 

Until nothing.


	12. Perpetual Attachment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!!  
> Yes! There's an update from me. I wish you're having a lovely day.  
> Don't forget to comment! :D I love reading you all. Thanks for sticking up with me.
> 
>  
> 
> See ya all later!!

''Far beyond this walls, there’s flaming water, land made of ice, and fields of sand spread wide,'' His voice was nothing but a melody to my ears. I was so captivated by the book before me. Everything I knew was a lie. Everything. Everything but his words. And I wanted those words to be true. I wanted to believe in it, body and soul.

 

''Hey Eren,'' My eyes left the book and leveled up at him. They were so bright. Those eyes. They were so deep and infinite. My heart was set free for a moment. There was a sparkle. A realization. Whatever it was, I knew at this very instant that my world was turned upside down and there was no turning back. ''It’d be nice if we could explore the outside world someday.''

 

''The… outside worl—'' I couldn’t believe what was leaving my mouth. A forbidden word. A locked door we couldn’t reach.

 

''It’s a promise,'' I replied to him. In exchange, he smiled fondly at me and my heart skipped a beat.

 

''Eren?'' the voice of Armin was rather distorted this time. Everything was blurry and sounded like nothing but a whisper echoing to the infinite.

 

''Eren!''

 

''Aru— Mikasa?...'' I mumbled.

 

''Oh thank god, you’re awake!'' Mikasa’s voice was clear in my mind now, but I was lost in space. There was nothing but a bright new light behind my eyelids.

 

''What’s… going on? Where am I?'' I slowly opened up my eyes to see Mikasa at the side of the bed, sitting on a futon chair. I was disoriented for a second, till I realized that I was in the guest room once again. ''Where’s Armin?'' was the second thing on my mind.

 

I’m pretty sure I was talking to him just now. I can still hear his voice in my head. I can still see his eyes sparkling. It was definitely higher, his voice, now that I think about it.

 

Ugh. My head is spinning. Why is the light so dazzling? Gosh.

 

''You’re running a high fever. I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have let you go outside without checking your condition. I didn’t know Armin was about to actually left the cottage. You’re lucky Jean was there with you. I would not have forgiven me if you had a blackout in the forest.. alone. I don’t want to think about it.''

 

''Jean…'' I frowned at the weird scenario. And then, everything was clearer in my head. ''Oh. Yeah… I remem— Wait!?'' My eyes flew open and I sat straight on the bed as the memories were coming back to me all at once. I was totally awake now.

 

''Slowly! You have to rest.''

 

''Is Armin back?''

 

''Eren, Calm—''

 

''What time is it?'' I asked panicked, not even paying attention to Mikasa’s concern.

 

''It’s… 10 am.''

 

''IN THE MORNING?''

 

Mikasa simply nodded, her eyes widen slightly as my voice leveled up.

 

''I SLEPT FOR THAT LONG?''

 

''Eren!! Lower your voice. And please, you have to stay in bed.''

 

''Tell me, frankly... What happened?'' I asked, lowering my voice a little.

 

She sighed, defeated. And a quite annoyed. ''If I told you… would you keep your calm?''

 

I shrugged at her. ''Depends.'' I simply admitted.

 

She rolled her eyes and sighed a second time. ''Lay down now, please.''

 

And I did so. My breathing was loud, no matter how long I slept the last night, I was still exhausted.

 

''Jean went back alone to search for Armin yesterday night. After he carried you to bed, he explained everything to me. The fact that you were hearing voices and started to freak out. And—'' she stopped, frowning slightly as she took a deep breath.

 

''And?''

 

''And— after 1 hour.. he came back. But Armin was still missing.''

 

''YOU’RE KIDDING ?!''

 

''Eren! Wait, I’m not done yet. Let me finish. And don’t move like that! Your fever won’t be able to lower at this rhythm. It was getting better until now.''

 

''BUT I DON’T CARE!''

 

''I do!''

 

''Aren’t you worried a little about Armin?! What’s wrong with you? How can you stay calm like—'' I sat back in the bed, very frustrated by Mikasa’s stillness on the topic.

 

''I’m deathly serious. If you don’t calm yourself NOW, I’ll chain you to this bed and never let you go ever again!'' she replied back, leveling her voice. She was glaring at me with a glimpse of anger in her eyes. I gulped down my saliva before I realized.

 

Mikasa can be really creepy sometimes.

 

''Whatever,'' I said, not wanting to fight over it. I knew she was serious. So, I laid back on the bed, letting out a suppressed sigh.

 

Her eyes returned to their calm, as she noticed that I wasn’t whining anymore. ''For your information, I was worried about Armin. But I trust him enough to know that he wouldn’t run away without a good reason,'' she explained.

 

''I hate being trapped between this walls,'' I muttered to myself. But It was loud enough for Mikasa to hear it.

 

''Uh?''

 

I glanced at her for a second before returning my attention to the wooden ceiling. ''I feel completely useless, all the time. I should at least be outside trying to find him. Figuring out something or I don’t know! If only I could— Wait! You ‘was’ worried? Why are you talking in the past tense?''

 

''Because, Armin DID came back, Eren.''

 

''WHY NOT SAY IT SOONER?'' I half yelled at Mikasa. I sat back in a rush, attempting to leave the bed once again before being pushed down hard by force.

 

''You didn’t let me finish.'' She said in a very neutral voice. The exact same kind of tone you use when you’re done dealing with something.

 

''Can you just go to the freaking point already, Mikasa?!'' I’m about to lose my temper. I already did somehow. Oh well.

 

''You woke up as Armin left the room.''

 

''Uh?''

 

''Sasha is preparing breakfast for us, right now. Armin went to give a hand. He will come back in any minutes. He slept on the floor the whole time just to stay with you. He felt very guilty about the whole incident. And so am I. That’s why I decided to sleep in this chair.''

 

My eyes widened as I realized how concerned they were about me. I glanced at my right to see that, in fact, Armin’s sleeping bag was lying around the room. As I turned back to look at Mikasa, now that I was paying attention, I noticed her dark circles. She probably had a hard time to sleep last night. I felt terribly bad suddenly.

 

My heart was blooming with fire at the thought of them being so good to me, even if my whole body was literally burning in pain already. ''I see. I’m— ugh. My head is spinning again. Why is it so hot in here?''

 

''That’s normal, you keep moving like crazy. That’s why I keep saying to stop overreacting and rest.''

 

''Mikasa,'' I started, in a more serious tone. My voice sounded very fragile, though.

 

''Yes?''

 

''I— I know Jean probably told you that my hallucinations were caused by the fever and the lack of sleep but— And it could be true, considering how my state is. But... I’ve got this strange feeling that it’s not because of that. Not only that...''

 

''What do you mean?''

 

My eyes fell on Mikasa when I perceived a hint of worry in her question. But yet, I couldn’t look at her directly as I was saying the following. ''What I mean is… it might be familiar in a way.''

 

''Explain...''

 

I sighed deeply and took a deep breath before continuing. ''... When I was back there with Jean, I heard people screaming in the depth of the forest and suddenly their screams turned into Armin’s. He was calling for me. It’s a little blurry in my head but before that, I do remember a very long loud creepy growl sounding like a monster. It wasn’t human or anything. I have no idea what it was, to be honest. And… That’s when I started to feel very very bad. But then again… I felt like I was part of that thing. That the sound was echoing back to me for a reason. Like I was the source of it. I know it must sound crazy but— since I’m on this journey, I keep having weird adventures; dreams and feelings of déjà-vu or total loss of control. Armin tried to talk to me about that a few days ago… and I couldn’t believe him back then. But now that I’m experiencing it more seriously… I don’t know what to do. It’s driving me insane. And I have no control over—''

 

''Eren...'' she whispered. Her eyes were wide on her face. She moved her hand over mine and squeezed it.

 

''What?'' I frowned at her.

 

''Mikasa can you help me with the— EREN!?!'' exclaimed Armin, entering the room with his hands full of plates. He almost dropped it to the floor as soon as his eyes met mines.

 

''Let me help you.'' Said Mikasa, getting up from her seat to help Armin out.

 

He was standing still, his mouth slightly agape, like he couldn’t believe what he was staring at.

 

''He has woken up the minute you left.'' She said to Armin who was still in frozen mode.

 

The minute he entered the room, my heart skipped a beat. If a was feverish, now I was probably deathly burning. Thinking about it, I’m not so sure if it’s good for my health if Armin’s around me in this condition. Somehow, the tension between us is always getting stronger and his little departure was enough for me to want to tie him down in my arms forever. I was so relieved to see him standing there. We were probably funny to watch but I couldn’t care less. We were both looking at each other without blinking a single time. Or so I thought.

 

''Guys?''

 

''Oh— Ha! I have pancakes!'' Armin said back to Mikasa, seeming to have blacked out for an instant. He recollected himself up for a second but then he noticed that she was already holding her plate and that the whole point of stating it was obviously unnecessary.

 

''Oh? Really? I haven’t noticed. Thanks, tho.'' she said sarcastically, an amused smile twitching on her lips.

 

He giggled embarrassingly without looking at any of us. He opted for focusing on the plate between his hands instead. A blush growing deeper on his cheeks.

 

''I’ll leave you alone.''

 

Armin snapped out again as he realized what she had just said. ''You don’t have to—'' He started, before being interrupted.

 

''Oh please, Armin. Eren was literally out of control before you showed up in this room. Now, look at him. He is quieter than a rock. And that says a LOT. I don’t know what kind of power you have over him but you are probably the only person in the whole world who can calm this hurricane called Eren and with that in mind— I’m letting both of you alone because I know perfectly how bad you are wishing for it. Now excuse me but I’ll eat those pancakes before it gets too cold.'' she said, passing by Armin to reach the door.

 

Armin was dumbfounded and unbalanced by Mikasa sudden remark. We hardly see her acting so bluntly normally. He had to hold himself up with the doorknob to stay properly on his feet. His eyes were so wide.

 

''Mikasa…'' he managed to say. More breathless than anything. His voice quite cracked.

 

Mikasa just turned around in the corridor and laughed slightly at his reaction. She shook her head before putting one hand on his shoulder. ''You won’t have to leave this time. I’m the one leaving.''

 

That remark made Armin blush a deep red.

 

''Just don’t make his temperature rise while I’m gone. '' she added, turning on her heels, in her usual tone.

 

I was watching the scene without saying anything. Just being alone with Armin once again was making my heart beat a little too fast and the mixture of it with my condition was troubling my breathing even more.

 

''See ya!'' She closed the door behind her, letting a heavy silence taking place. The tick-tock of the clock seemed more present than before, now that there were no other sounds to isolate it. My face was burning and my heart was making a mess.

 

Great! I’ll die.

 

Armin, who was staring at the door, now started to turn slowly his head in my direction. It made me catch my breath.

 

''Soo…'' he started, in a small voice.

 

''Armin!'' I blurted out his name.

 

''Y—yes?'' he replied, shaking briefly at the level of my voice. He was wearing a funny expression on his face.

 

''Where have you been?'' I asked, sitting properly on the bed.

 

''Well… It’ll probably take long to explain it all. '' he replied, scratching his neck with his free hand.

 

''I have ALL my time. I’m stuck in bed, apparently.'' I said, patting the spot beside me.

 

Armin chuckled to that but stopped abruptly when he caught himself doing so. It sounded more like a nervous laugh. ''Sorry. This ain’t funny. You are sick… and I feel terribly guilty about it.''

 

''Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the reckless one here who did it to myself.'' I said, jerking my thumb toward me.

 

''Still, if I hadn’t had left like that to start with, you would not have tried to follow me outside and you would have been sleeping well like you needed. if only I hadn’t come up here to bother you with the stupid games and—''

 

''Woooooh! Calm down there! No need to be hard on yourself. I don’t blame you for anything.'' I interrupted, jerking my hands up to stop him quickly.

 

''If you say so…'' he said, eyeing me, briefly surprise by my sudden reaction.

 

''Now, sit… please.''

 

Armin hesitated a second before moving forward toward the bed. He finally sat close to me. He wasn’t even looking in my direction. His plate of pancakes still between his hands, he decided to put it on the nightstand, like he wasn’t hungry anymore.

 

''I guess I got it all wrong this time.'' he chuckled softly and embarrassed.

 

''You think?!''

 

''Look I’m sorry about that but… it was necessary, ok? To make things clear once and for all. I got that I wasn’t 'up to date' on the subject but that’s not the point here. To be honest you can’t blame me for having thought of the possibility of it. You are sharing something with Mikasa. And… I do too. But— I didn’t know what you guys were sharing exactly. You are such a mystery when it comes to love, Eren. I don’t know how Mikasa could have figured it out a long time ago. I guess it’s something girls are good at.'' he giggled at the thought. ''While you were asleep, she cleared things up for me. And Now I get it. I just— I didn’t know if you ever had feelings for her or not. And a part of me still can’t believe that you have chosen me. I still can’t believe you are interested in me, at all. It’s pretty hard to believe that I’m wide awake this time and not dreaming. This is like having your biggest fear and your biggest wish being toyed with at the same time and not being able to tell if you’ll wake up and lose it all in the morning. I know that you are my weakness and it’s actually scaring me. Oh god, I might sound ridiculous…''

 

''Armin. This isn’t some kind of game, you get it? I never had to choose between you. You always have been the only right path I knew. Is that so hard to understand?'' I said, in a soft genuine voice.

 

''I know! I feel stupid, now,'' he said while hiding his face in his palms, chuckling nervously once again. ''It was more plausible when I didn’t know you were in love with me. I just— It was still an uncleared case to me. I couldn’t move forward with that in mind. I respect Mikasa way too much for that. I had to make sure, you know? A part of me needed to be sure that you were not only confused or something.'' he explained, looking back at me suddenly. His eyes narrowed slightly, before widening and he swept them back across the floor as if he had a sudden realization.

 

''You ain’t stupid. And I’m not confused. Simply unable to make things right, apparently. But realizing my feelings was a big step forward for me. The craziest part is… I feel like it always has been there the whole time; this interest in you, you know. I was just unable to see beyond before.'' I admitted shyly, realizing how deep the conversation was getting. There was a sudden sensation of hot flash rising up across my face. ''Damn... I don’t feel very good.''

 

''Oh. Right! You need to drink a lot to prevent being dehydrated. There’s a jug of water on the nightstand. Oh and say… are you hungry?''

 

''Depends on what you are implying by that. '' I replied back, laughing playfully.

 

''You are unbelievable. You are running a 40 degree Celsius fever and you still play it like it’s nothing. Don’t make it worst, Eren.'' He said, laughing softly, amused by how ridiculous I was.

 

''Yeah… that’s the only thing stopping me right now.''

 

''Eren…'' Armin's expression shifted. His eyes were so big on his face now.

 

''I want to kiss you so bad.''

 

He blushed a deep red. He went very quiet, suddenly. I think I even heard him gulp a little. There’s something fun about toying Armin.

 

''But Nah... For your information, I’m not really into food right now.'' I continued, noticing that he was still silent.

 

''Al— Alright. Let me fill your glass, then.'' He finally managed to say, getting up and reaching for the jug to pour the glass till It was a little more than half full.

 

''Thanks.''

 

''Anytime.'' He replied, pressing one hand to my forehead. The contact sends a shiver down my spine. It was so gentle, yet so electric. ''It seems to have lowered. Let’s take your temperature. '' he added.

 

''Fine, Dr. Arlert,'' I said. ''Hey! It doesn’t sound so bad. I like it, actually.''

 

''In your dream.'' He replied back, putting the thermometer in my mouth to shut me up. I saw a small smile on his face, though. While he was waiting for the result, I noticed Armin's eyes lingering for a little too long on my lips. I saw him bite down his lower one unconsciously as if he was thinking about something in the back of his mind. Then, he removed the thermometer from my mouth and smiled. ''Great news! You are now at 36 degrees.''

 

''No wonder, I slept for so long last night.''

 

He chuckles briefly at that.

 

''You know… you didn’t explain where you were this whole time, tho.'' I stated, now realizing that he hasn’t answered everything.

 

''Oh— right. Sorry. Actually… there’s something else important I need to talk to you. But—''

 

''But what?''

 

''I don’t know if it’s the right moment. Considering that you need to rest and I don’t want to work you up with it. I don’t even know where to start.'' He sat back on the bed.

 

''Spill the beans! No more secrets, please. I’m tired of it.'' I half pleaded, whining a little.

 

''Ok,'' He sighed deeply. ''Open your hand.''

 

As I did so, Armin took my hand and put something in it. When I looked down… There was a key. A very familiar and very old one. As I leveled my eyes to meet Armin’s, I saw concern in them, as he was trying to analyze my reaction. The contact of it against my palm was electric somehow. It felt strange in my hand. As if my body remembered something I don’t. But… then, I wondered if it wasn’t Armin’s fingertips causing it.

 

Or both.

 

''A key? What’s for?''

 

''I’ve found the time capsule, Eren.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so many songs reminding me of Armin and Eren for this story. Are you guys are interested in knowing them?


	13. Things It Yearns To Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woaaah!! Hello everyone!!
> 
> So, let me explain something here first. The following is in Armin POV. (Yes, I know. SURPRISE!) It was necessary to introduce you to all the truth behind Armin's departure and also for the main motive he was hiding the whole time from the beginning of the story. So, we won't go any further into the plot for the moment, but since it's in Armin's point of view, I think it was worth it and very necessary for the rest. Also, the chemistry of the trio is strong here. (What a wonderful bond they have, honestly.)
> 
> This is the Longest chapter I wrote so far! There's a lot of surprises in it and It's the most informative one concerning the 'mystery' part of the story, at this point.
> 
> This chapter take place right after Armin leaves Eren and Mikasa, just before disappearing.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you had great holidays and hope that you're still on this ship with me. ABOARD!
> 
> See you all next time!~

Armin POV.

 

**19h25**

 

'What have I got myself into?!'

 

That was the first thought that occurred my mind as my back was pressed against the closed door. Leaving Eren and Mikasa alone discussing 'things' started to make me very conscious of the consequences it might cause.

 

It was something that had to be done, Right? Why do I feel so conflicted now that I’ve done the right thing?

 

I’m such a mess, honestly.

 

I needed to be somewhere else. Staying here was driving me nuts and, deep down, I started to feel really bad for Mikasa. Now that I knew the depth of Eren’s feelings for me, I couldn’t quite shake the feeling of being a 'traitor' to her. She has the right to finally explain herself in turn and I truly accepted that. I was conscious that nothing would be the same now on but— It’s not like I knew that Eren would kiss me that night or that I was prepared to see him came like a hurricane destroying all the walls I had build after so many years. I had let my shield down that night and It wasn’t possible for me to deny my feelings anymore. But now, I was scared of what would come next. Scared of the unknown. Scared of my love being reciprocated. Scared of what might change between us. Scared of Mikasa’s reaction. Scared of that inexplicable thing between Eren and me.

 

Wooh. Enough, Armin. That’s a lot.

 

Mikasa’s feelings always appeared as genuine and strong as mines, but I’d never completely knew the true signification of her behavior. Not… clearly, at least. We used to talk often about Eren when we were little but at this age… everything could’ve been easily mistaken. I don’t know about Mikasa’s feelings nowadays. I don’t know if they are any different from what they were back then. Her and I aren’t so different when it comes to Eren and It got me confused at some points in my life. It got me thinking 'what if' she loves him as much as I do? I started to feel very bad because of that. To even stand there between them. I thought about the fact that I was a boy and how it was pointless to even believe in the possibility of Eren loving me back the way I’ve always secretly loved him. I thought that I was confused, that it would pass, but time proved me wrong. No matter how he acted toward me, even if it seemed so naturally touchy-feely as it may appear, I was telling myself that there were no real intentions behind his actions. That it was all my imagination, that it was simply Eren being Eren. Nothing else.

 

All I have ever wanted was their happiness, more than my own. It was enough for me to be happy. So, I decided to never break us apart, burying all my feelings along with that mindset. It was the three of us against the world and nothing would ever change that. I wanted to cause less damage as possible.

 

I smiled briefly at the memory until I finally pushed myself off the door to went downstairs. When I reached the last step, I decided to sit down there, letting out a suppressed sigh. At the same time, Jean appeared in the corner of the hall with bowls of potato chips in his hands, a concerned expression all over his face.

 

''Armin?... Are you all right?'' he asked, his eyebrows raised.

 

''Thanks for your concern, Jean. But… I’m fine.''

 

''…How convincing.'' he hissed, stepping right before me. ''You should learn to lie better than that. Say it without looking dejected this time.''

 

I snorted at his remark. I was smiling but it wasn’t sincere at all, but I couldn’t care less at this point.

 

''What happens? Where’s Mikasa?''

 

''Uhm...'' I started, biting my lower lip, not so sure how answering this expected question.

 

I wasn't in the mood to explain the situation here. I don't want to run away from the situation but... I needed to be alone.

 

''Jean! Why is it taking you so long? Where are my potato chips?!?'' asked Sasha from the living room.

 

''I’m coming!'' He blurted out to Sasha. ''Geez, she’s so impatient... I’ll be back, Armin.'' He told me, stepping away before he disappeared into the living room.

 

I simply nodded to him as an answer but, to tell the truth, I was glad to be finally by myself once again. Then, my eyes were fixed on the front door, until the idea of leaving this place occurred to me. I made me subtle enough to put on my shoes and jacket and quietly stepped outside, making sure to close delicately the door behind me. Without giving it a second thought, I clutched my fists, lowered my head, breathed in the fresh air and started to run as fast as I could into the depth of the forest.

 

I know it was reckless of me but I didn’t find a better option for releasing the amount of stress stuck inside my body. I wanted to free everything out of my system. I wanted to be at peace with myself even just a minute and I couldn’t think of anything else quicker than running and screaming to get free of all the bad hidden deep within me for far too long. I was fighting back my tears and started to feel angry at myself for acting like a crybaby. I had enough of being so insecure. I was tired of feeling like I was never enough. I hated myself for making such a big deal. I hated myself for overthinking all the time. Why am I acting like this? Why am I jumping so fast to conclusions?—

 

Then, I tripped over a root and I fell forward onto the ground. It was cold. Cold as my untouched heart at this very moment. Or so it seemed. As I was pushing myself up onto my hands and knees, I started to laugh at myself. ''I’m so pathetic.'' I admitted shamefully. Somehow, it felt great to let it go. Somehow, I was feeling better.

 

I turned on my back, lying on the ground, exhausted after my sudden run. My breathing was so heavy. It was reminding me how I lacked stamina.

 

I was facing the sky. The trees had enough distance between them to enable me to see the stars at their most beautiful sight. They were so bright that night. I was at peace for a brief moment. I was losing track of the time unit I felt something electrifying my upper body. I sat straight to the sensation. It got me really confused, my heart was suddenly beating loud against my ribcage. I was in shock until I remembered that I had that key around my neck, beneath my clothes. I pulled it out from under my shirt and started to contemplate it.

 

"Did it just… electrify me?! No way..." I talked to myself, in total disbelief.

 

And then, another shock was sent through my hand and I cried out, releasing the key without exception.

 

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The key was literally levitating in the air, pointing in a direction, like it was attracted to something like a magnet. It was pulling me by the necklace with some sort of strength. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. Immobile, even.

 

''Wha— Uh?!? What? How—'' I whispered, fascinated by the surreality of it.

 

No way. Could it be…

 

I was nothing but curious, at this point. I got up on my feet and started to follow where it was leading me, using the key like a compass. After 10 minutes, I was boarding a lake until I reached the end of the trees surrounding Sasha’s cottage to another open field. And there. There was another cabin in the wood. At this moment I knew that we were not so alone in this forest. We had neighbors. By the look of it, someone seemed to live there. The lights were on and I could smell the scent of freshly cooked food in the air.

 

Great. I can't trespass here. What should I do now?

 

The key started to shake abnormally until it fell flat on my chest.

 

Nooo!! Why now!?!

 

''Oi,''

 

Without warning, I jumped violently at the sound of this unexpected voice. My breath caught in as I heard the sound of a rifle charging behind my back. My body became extremely tense, all my muscles went rigid and my vision went blurry. I couldn’t think of anything at all. I was petrified. I was holding my breath, not even sure if I had the right to even gulp.

 

'' What are you doing here, brat? ''

 

I turned my head slowly to the source of the voice, instinctively putting my hands up to surrender to whoever that person was. I regretted heavily having come here.

 

''P-please! Don’t shoot…''

 

''I think you don’t understand the question. I’ll repeat slowly this time. Why… are…you… here? » he interrupted me, his rifle still pointed in my direction.

 

I gulped hard. My throat was so dry. Nothing was coming to my mind. I had totally forgotten why I was standing there. I was too nervous. Nervous enough to feel a heartache forming in my stomach.

 

Think fast, Armin!!

 

''I—''

 

''Levi?'' someone else interrupted me before I had the time to answer and I felt my legs turning to 'Jell-O' at the thought that I was about to die here. My heart was beating so wildly. Actually, all my thoughts were with Eren at this very moment. I think I even saw my life flashed before my eyes. I wanted to escape far away from here and never coming back. ''...Who are you talk— oh? Who’s that?'' the new voice asked at my left. I was too preoccupied with the rifle pointed at me to even look.

 

''That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Answer!''

 

''Levi! Put your weapon down. This is just a kid.''

 

''Kid or not. It doesn’t stop them to fucking steal my vegetables once I have my back turned.''

 

Uh? vegeta—

 

''Levi...'' she replied a little louder and annoyed this time.

 

''Tch…'' he finally lowered his weapon. I felt the weight left my shoulder at the same time. I was miraculously breathing normally again. ''I’ll show no mercy, next time.'' he added.

 

''S—sorry!! I have no bad intentions, I swear! I’m just—'' I stopped abruptly. Wait... If I explain why I’m actually here, they are going to think I’m crazy. I can’t tell them the truth. I couldn’t even believe it myself when I’ve seen it. If that guy is willing enough to kill someone for simple vegetables, I'll be nothing but a dead boy. Which is kind of extreme if you ask me.

 

What should I say, now?

 

''Are you lost? You can come in if you want!! I prepared stew! Are you hungry?'' she offered, grinning far too wide but she was kind of friendly in her own way.

 

''Are you kidding me? Hanji, no.''

 

''Ignore him… Uhm... Oh what’s your name again?'' she asked me next, scratching her head with one hand.

 

''He didn’t say anything yet, four eyes.''

 

''Oh! Right, silly me! Haha!''

 

''Thanks but... I— I think I’ll just go back…'' I answered quietly as I started to step back until we stopped me.

 

''Oi. Stop there,'' Levi moved closer to me, getting a grip on the key around my neck and looked at it for a while until his eyes were back on me. ''Where did you get this?''

 

I was staring at him in surprise until I lowered my eyes on the key. ''Well— It’s… mine. It’s quite a complicated story—''

 

''Complicated my ass. Who are you?'' he asked, his eyes were piercing my soul as if they were able to read the answer. They were sharp as knives and cold as ice. I gulped hard once again without knowing. It was even audible.

 

''Wait.. that key is.. isn’t that the key from the illustration?…'' Hanji asked Levi, coming a little bit closer to me to get a better view.

 

''An illustration?'' The question left my mouth without I could catch it. They got me curious there. Their eyes were turned all on me.

 

''It is identical to the key— Wait a minute…'' her eyes widen suddenly behind her glasses and something flashed in them. She was examining me carefully this time. ''You—''

 

''Enough. You come with me.'' said, Levi, as he started to pull me by the jacket, without giving me any choice but to follow after him. I almost tripped over my own foot.

 

''Wait!! Levi, don't force him like that.''

 

''Weren’t you the one who invited him to start with?'' He replied over his shoulder to Hanji who was following closely behind.

 

''Not against his own will! Levi, this is kidnapping!! Oh— That’s quite exciting, actually. Hahaha!''

 

''Wait! Please, I can’t—'' I tried to talk here but he wasn’t letting me at all.

 

''Shh. No words until we enter the house.'' He replied back, in a menacing tone.

 

''But—'' I tried a second time to talk before being interrupted once again.

 

''I think we started the wrong way. Hi! I’m Hanji nice to meet you… hmm… » She was giving me her hand but it was a little bit difficult of thinking of taking it, considering that I was desperately trying to NOT trip over something as Levi was pulling me over.

 

''It’s Armin.'' I finally answered.

 

She let her hand fell down as she noticed my struggle. And she smiled genuinely to me.

 

''…Armin!! Finally a name with this face. This is Levi, he can be a little scary when you don’t know him but don’t worry he’s not a bad guy deep down.'' She explained, laughing at him.

 

''Shut your mouth! We gonna talk inside.''

 

Normally, a normal person would have felt the need to scream or fight in this kind of situation but… Although, it might sound strange… somehow, I wasn’t so scared anymore. I was more curious and surprised by the fact that they seemed to know about the key. Something was telling me that it was all right to trust these people. Maybe they could help me out with that whole mystery, after all. Or was I a little too optimist? Somewhere, within me, I felt like a knew them already. It was becoming far too familiar to be a coincidence. I was bringing up the pieces together. The pieces of the puzzle I had always wanted to possess. Even if I wasn’t so sure myself why.

 

''So… Say, Armin, are you hungry?'' she asked before we entered the house completely.

 

* * *

 

**21h45**

 

I was back on the porch of Sasha's cottage. I strongly hesitated before opening the front door, my hand rested on the doorknob for a little too long. But, I finally pulled myself together and pushed the door open. To my own surprise, it was rather quiet in the house. Where was everybody? I was looking around quickly until I bumped into someone as I turned in the kitchen.

 

''ARMIN?!?'' Jean yelled at me. ''WHERE WERE YOU?! I SEARCHED YOU EVERYWHERE!''

 

I was shocked by how loud he was shouting. ''R—Really?''

 

''Yes! You got us worried here! You’ve been gone for almost 2 hours straight without saying anything!!'' He explained, a little less noisy this time.

 

''I— I'm very sorry but I have my reasons.''

 

''Eren got sicker because of that situation!''

 

''Sor— WHAT?!? What do you mean by he got 'sicker'... and what does it have to do with me?!''

 

''Ok, excuse me. I’ll explain it better. I’m just a little exhausted. I’m being harsh on you.'' He said in his usual calmer voice, turning slowly in circles in the kitchen.

 

''What happened?!'' I asked, suddenly. All my concern was on Eren’s state. Nothing else.

 

Jean stopped his pace and looked at me with worried eyes. It couldn’t be a good sign when even Jean was worried for Eren. ''Sit down, first.'' he offered.

 

''Jean… just tell me.'' I asked nervously.

 

He simply nodded as a response, passing a hand across his face up and down. ''Ok... Eren and I were searching for you. I noticed that he was looking sick but I didn’t pay much attention at first. I didn’t bother. But… his condition deteriorated to the point where I could see him changed. I had to carry him all the way back here because he wasn’t listening to me. Seriously that guy can be so stupid sometimes. I understand that he wanted desperately to find you but still... he should have let me go alone. He's so stubborn. Anyway. He collapsed before we even had the time to arrive and—''

 

''No… oh no. Where is he? In that exact same room?!'' I asked Jean, without wanting to listen any further. It was bad enough.

 

He simply nodded. ''I carried him to bed and he never woke up since.''

 

I ran so fast upstairs as the last words of Jean was echoing in my head. I felt my heart slipt in half at the thought of Eren being sick enough to collapse. And it was my fault.

 

When I pushed the guest room door open, Mikasa was sitting in a futon chair beside the bed. Her eyes widen automatically at my sight.

 

''ARMIN!! Oh my god!! Where were you?! I’m so relieved you are all right…'' She exclaimed in a rush, straightening herself back in the chair. She hesitated to get up.

 

''How’s Eren?'' I asked. My eyes fell on him and I almost heard my heart brokes a second time. It was painful.

 

''Not… really good. He didn’t wake up at all. His temperature is really high— I shouldn’t have let him chasing after you.''

 

''…you let him chasing after me?'' I repeated. Half a question, half a finding.

 

''Armin… I’m grateful to have a friend like you, you know that? You are gold.''

 

''Well, thank you…'' I answered shyly. I felt myself blush at the sudden compliment. Why was she saying this now?

 

''I mean it. And also… you didn’t have to do that for me. I know you did that for my sake but… I already knew.'' she affirmed, her last word sounded like a whisper.

 

''Knew what…exactly?'' I was just asking to be sure that we were on the same page.

 

''Armin, Eren loves you. You might be blind to the point that you still deny it but… this is the truth.''

 

''But... what about you? What about YOUR feelings Mikasa? If I did that it wasn’t for Eren, It was for you. Mostly for you...''

 

She signed sharply, closing her eyes as she was smiling at herself. When she opened them, they were fixed on Eren. ''I told him I wasn’t in love with him.''

 

''R—really?... Is that true?'' I asked, very curious by the answer, but also very scared to actually hear the truth.

 

She looked at me this time and smiled fondly. ''It’s complicated.'' She finally admitted.

 

My stomach dropped at her words. It’s not that I’ve never known deep down. It’s not that I never saw it coming but... hearing it directly was quite different. There was something settling inside of my belly and the feeling was very heavy to handle to my own taste. I had conflicted feelings at this very moment. For the first time, I felt the need to be a little watchful toward Mikasa. But I fast cleared my mind at the thought. It was pointless to feel that way. It wasn’t like me at all and more importantly, It wasn’t necessary.

 

''Mi…ka...sa…'' There was a lump forming in my throat. Then, I remembered that I was still standing half in the hallway. So, I decided to enter the room completely, closing the door behind just to be sure no ones could listen any further to our personal talk. I leaned back against it, my eyes fixed on the floor. Lost in thought.

 

''…Armin, listen. I told Eren that I wasn’t in love with him. I’ve never told him that I’ve never been interested, though. My feelings grew differently over the years. I’m over it today.''

 

''No... It’s my fault, isn’t it?'' I asked without looking at her. She did that for me or something. It must be… otherwise, I’ll not believe it.

 

''Arm—''

 

'' No! You can't get over something like this! Mikasa, I tried so hard to do the same almost all my life... how can you even believe that it died completely? I encountered those feelings myself and It’s still there. I never was able to let it go completely, no matter how hard I tried.'' I said, a little moved by how calm she seemed about the topic. She was making it looks so easy... I couldn't believe that Mikasa was giving up like that. It's unlike her.

 

''Listen, I've never said that I don't feel anything anymore...''

 

''Then why are you letting me win!?!'' I blurted out, a little louder than I thought.

 

''Because you already won years ago, Armin!!'' she exclaimed, slightly annoyed by my comportment.

 

I caught my breath as the words were replaying in my head. Over and over again.

 

''...And also because I love both of you.'' she softly explained, lowering her voice.

 

My eyes widened as I stared at her, confused by that answer. What does she mean by that?

 

'' …Sometimes I don’t even know how much I’m capable to love someone and where lies the limit before crossing the 'friendship’s' one. It's complicated to explain.''

 

''You— me? Uh?!?''

 

''Sorry. It was a strange thing to say. I guess I don’t make any senses to you.'' she said, passing a hand through her silky black hair. ''Don’t get me wrong, Armin. I’m not trying to confess here or anything of the sort. I’m just trying to make you understand how much both of you are so damn important in my life. Nothing could compete to that. I do love both of you... after all.''

 

''I just… never thought about that…put this way. I didn’t see it coming...'' I admitted frankly.

 

''What we’re sharing is as important as what I’m sharing with Eren, Armin. I don’t need to label everything, you know. If Eren loves you… that I could accept. I can see why and it’s really not surprising at all.''

 

''I need to sit down,'' I said before sliding against the door to the floor. My shaky legs couldn’t take it anymore. I was quite nervous knowing the extent of Mikasa’s feelings, now that I knew that I was that deep within her heart. ''You know, I always knew that we were alike, you and me, Mikasa. It’s quite funny because… I understand you better now. I told myself the same things over the years. No matter what, my happiness will always lie in yours and Eren’s. Now, look at us…'' I laughed softly. ''We are willing to give up our love for the sake of the other. If that’s not devotion… I don’t know how to call it. When you think about it, Eren is the one who brings us together. Without him, we would’ve probably never met. I’m glad we did.''

 

''Same.'' she simply said, a tender smile on her lips which was saying all. ''But Armin, seriously… don’t blame yourself for being honest with your feelings. There’s nothing wrong with being in love with Eren and certainly not when both of you are on equal terms with it. It would be a shame to let this chance slide.''

 

''Wise Mikasa.'' I laughed softly.

 

''Don’t feel bad for me, please.''

 

''It’s easier to say…''

 

''Armin! You are in love with Eren, aren’t you?!''

 

''Of course…''

 

''Then what are you waiting for?! There’s nothing to argue with me! You both are in love with each other. There’s no point."

 

There was a huge silence between us. Mikasa’s words were clever and true to my ears. The warmth of the room was starting to be felt. My heart was blooming into a new perspective. I’ll never stop loving our deep talks. ''Thank you… Mikasa.'' I whispered. ''... But I would have never been able to go on like this. I think it was necessary to clear things up before I get any further...''

 

''Yeah, about that... what happened between you and Eren behind my back, exactly?'' She asked me bluntly, in her natural neutral voice. I felt my face burning suddenly.

 

'' HA— Uhm... W— well... you see... Uhm... it's embarrassing...''

 

''This far, uh?''

 

''NO!!'' I blurted out, straitening my back against the wooden door. ''... I mean n— no!.. we didn't do anything inappropriate...god no. I wouldn't have been able to look you in the eyes— '' I answered the best as I could. I wasn’t looking at her while saying this.

 

''I see...''

 

''Y-yeah... anyways— ''

 

''You kissed him.'' She added suddenly.

 

''HA— Mikasa you're making me feel uncomfortable!!" I was smoking at this point. I could feel it.

 

''Why?... it's just a kiss.'' She replied. Then, my eyes accidentally crossed hers and she read me like a book. ''... more than one, uh?''

 

''Oh gosh please stop.'' I said while hiding my face in my hands.

 

''Knowing Eren's strong ability to control himself, he probably didn't let you any chances to— ''

 

''MIKASA!!'' I cried, leveling my stare at her in embarrassment.

 

''Ok, ok. Sorry. I was just curious to know.'' Something in her voice was hinting that she was enjoying toying with me a little.

 

''It's not that I mind talking about that... but it's a bit early to talk so openly of those stuff, don't you think? I just learned about you and Eren and now... this.''

 

''I understand." She admitted.

 

'' Thanks...''

 

''Also, Armin…''

 

''Hmm?''

 

''Would you take care of Eren for me?''

 

''What do you mean?''

 

''Just answer. Please…''

 

''Of course...''

 

She simply nodded, until her eyes fell on Eren.

 

''Armin, I’m leaving.''

 

''Huh?''

 

''My family and I are going to move to Japan. I'll stay there for a while due to the family affair. And… I’m going to pursue my studies there. I don’t know how long I will take."

 

If I thought that my stomach could not fell any low, I was wrong. The ground could have split in two and I wouldn’t have noticed.

 

''Oh. Wow. That’s… one hell of a news… I didn’t see that coming either. You sure are full of surprises tonight, Mikasa. Haha—'' I laughed weakly. My voice broke quite a bit and I couldn’t help but shed tears.

 

''Armin?''

 

''I’m… I’m sorry, Mikasa. But I can’t stop my tears suddenly…'' I admitted, weakly smiling at her.

 

''Don’t cry. You’re going to make me too...'' She whispered the last words and she started to tear up in her turn.

 

We both laughed softly as we were looking at each other across the room. There was nothing particularly funny but... we were just so emotional together. The love of this room created a warm atmosphere around us. We may appear sad judging by the exterior but the love was forcing itself into our hearts and it was too strong to resist. It wasn't the end... but the beginning of something new.

 

''Was that the thing you wanted to talk us about?'' I asked her, remembering that she came here for a reason.

 

''Yes and no,'' She admitted, wiping her eyes. ''I’m also worried because of what you are trying to do in this place, Armin.''

 

''Uh… how do you know About that?''

 

''It must be my Sixth sense.''

 

''But—''

 

''Listen. Don’t do that, Armin. I know you are curious but… this isn’t going to lead anywhere. I’m scared for Eren. He seems to react very badly to all of it. Maybe it’s better to never know what’s all about.''

 

''Mikasa… how do you know about all that stuff?!?" I couldn’t help but be moved by Mikasa’s acknowledgment on the subject.

 

''I must be related to it.''

 

''So, you too...''

 

''...That key you’re hiding from me.''

 

''You know about the key?''

 

She nodded, taking a deep breath. ''Since I touched it... I'm able to perceive its presence, Armin. I can tell that you're carrying it, right now.''

 

''Seriously?... I'm only able to dream of the past." I explained, touching the back pocket of my Jeans where the key was hidden. '' ...When did you have a contact with it anyway?''

 

''I found it in your room... I don’t remember exactly when but... while touching it... I felt so much sadness and pain. I started to cry for no particular reason. At this point, I hated that thing.'' She frowned at the memory, hiding the lower part of her face behind her scarf.

 

''Interesting...''

 

''Is it really worth it, Armin? There’s something very heavy living in this key… It carries something really dark. There’s nothing great about it. Where did you find it, anyway?''

 

''A time capsule.''

 

''A time capsule?''

 

''Yeah… in my garden. I found it while I was searching for something in the shed. It was buried beneath the wooden boards, actually.''

 

''How did you know it was there?''

 

''Hmm... I had that weird dream the precedent night. That's when all started...''

 

''What else was in the time capsule?''

 

''A map...''

 

''A map?''

 

''Y— yeah... a map provided with a geographic coordinate system. This forest was the location...''

 

''I don’t like it.''

 

''The reason why I was gone for hours is that the key led me somewhere... It was attracted to something, out of sudden, as a magnet… and—''

 

''I don’t like it at all, Armin. You should stop and consider Eren’s feelings on the subject before going any further. I have a bad feeling about this whole situation. Something's telling me Eren isn’t going to enjoy the ride for some reasons.''

 

''You’re probably right... I should talk to him about that. I got carried away by all those enigmas. I didn’t really consider what Eren’s point of view might be on the topic very much.''

 

''Be careful in your research... please.''

 

''I— I just never thought I would include everyone into this. I didn’t know it would be a big deal when I first found that key. Heck... I thought it was only concerning me, at first. But... noticing Eren's behavior since we are here... I can affirm that something is obviously bringing us together for a particular reason. If not... Then, I can't explain all the abnormalities between us... or—''

 

''Abnormalities? Like what?''

 

''Uh— Well... I won't lie to you, Mikasa... Eren and I... how can I phrase this,'' I started, scratching my cheek with one finger. ''We have a connection...''

 

''Uh?''

 

''That's probably why we couldn't afford to pretend anymore. A force is pushing us together.''

 

''What are you talking about?''

 

''It may sound surreal but—''

 

''A— Armin... where... are you...'' Eren mumbled the word angrily, a hint of sadness in his soft raspy voice.

 

''He is sleep talking again..." I explained to Mikasa. Maybe we were getting a little too loud.

 

''Eren!— '' Mikasa exclaimed in joy.

 

''Shh! Mikasa... we should let him sleep properly." I explained her, lowering my voice.

 

''You're right..." she whispered back. A hand over her mouth.

 

''I’ll sleep here tonight. If Eren appears to wake up during the night, someone has to stay. I’ll go pick my sleeping bag." I get up properly on my feet and started to turn the doorknob.

 

''I’ll stay here too.'' she said.

 

I nodded as a response. ''It's not exactly how I imagined my expedition with Eren would turn out when I first came here. Thanks to Sasha for inviting us. I can't even imagine how I would have afforded to deal with Eren being sick like that all by myself without a roof to warm him up.'' I smiled bitterly at myself as I was still facing the door.

 

''Things turn rarely as expected. I'm glad I came.''

 

''Thank you, Mikasa. For being here with me. I just want to thank you for everything, actually. For your support and all. I’m glad you came too.'' I said, turning my head in her direction.

 

''Hey, come over here,'' she said, patting the free spot on the futon chair.

I was surprised by the gesture but I went along with it. When I sat on the futon with her, she hugged me tightly. ''I’ll always be there for you. If there’s anything… even if I’m far away, I’ll come back to you. You are like family to me. Understand?''

 

I smiled warmly at myself, returning her embrace. ''Yes. Same, here."

 

''Also…'' she leaned back, taking my face between her hands and pressed her lips in the corners of mines. It got me by surprise, I felt my heart sparkling and I hold my breath to the sudden contact. When she broke the contact to look at me in the eyes, she offered me a shy smile, blushing In return. ''Sorry, I just needed to give Eren’s kiss back to you somehow.'' She giggled softly.

 

They kissed?...

 

''He kissed me like that just before he ran after you. Sorry about that...''

 

I blinked at Mikasa a few times until I snapped out of my mental state and started snickering suddenly, amused by the whole situation. I couldn’t believe how messed up things were getting at this point. But it was all right. It was the only answer I gave her and she got it. She got that I was fine with the gesture.

 

''I’ll be back.'' I said, giving her a sincere smile as I got up from the chair. She stopped me halfway, tugging me by the end of my jacket.

 

''Can you borrow me a blanket?''

 

''Sure!''

 

''Also… Armin,''

 

''Yeah?''

 

''You should destroy this key.''

 

''Uh? Why you—''

 

''Don’t be surprised if Eren is reacting weirdly when he touches you.''

 

''Did you feel something?''

 

''Yes. I did. And it got worst when I kissed you.''

 

''So it's true, then. I wasn't crazy with the whole kiss theory.''

 

''Kiss theory?''

 

''Ha— Well... I mean... It explains the connection deepening every time I kiss Eren.''

 

''Armin, I think you don't understand one thing.''

 

''What?''

 

''For how long have you been carrying that key on you?''

 

''Since I left Shiganshina...''

 

''Isn't that sounding some bells to you?''

 

"So it might be true then..." I said the words so softly, they were almost just for me.

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"I had my doubts but... I believe in the possibility of this key might host a soul."

 

"That’s crazy."

 

''That's just a theory. Nothing is sure, yet.'' I snorted weakly.

 

''Ok, enough theories for tonight. I'm exhausted by all of this. I'm going to have a headache if we go on.''

 

''Y—yeah. Anyways... I'll be back.'' I said, turning on my heels to the door. As I was about to leave the room, I looked back at Mikasa. The whole picture appeared very familiar to me. Seeing her like that benched over the bed by Eren's side was recalling me something I couldn't quite remember clearly. It made me smile for no particular reason, but it also made me sad.

  
'Maybe Mikasa's right. Maybe there's nothing good about knowing the truth this time.'

  
Then, I left the room and Mikasa alone with Eren once again, recalling where I was earlier this night.

  
'I think it's better if I don't mention anything about the surprise meeting I had tonight.'

  
That was the last thought I had before going downstairs.


	14. The Demons Within His Heart-Shaped Cage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!! I'm so so sorry! I couldn't bring that chapter up sooner, sadly. Life wasn't allowing me. But hey, don't worry! I will finish this story properly, so don't fear that I would drop it. 
> 
> It's still in Armin's POV. I think it's bringing another side of the story and I find it interesting to explore it at this point. (You know... since Armin knows a lot more than the rest of the characters.) Sooo... for some reason, it took me more time to write this chapter. I don't know how many times I have rewritten it to make it look like I wanted. I had to cut it actually. I intended to go further but it didn't happen that way. x)
> 
> Leave me comments!! I love reading your comments!! :D
> 
> see you next time!~

''Armin! We’re living!!'' Sasha’s voice was echoing up and down the empty stairway, bouncing on the wall until it bouldering to me.

 

''I’m coming!'' I replied from the second floor before hurrying downstairs with my hands full of things I decided to carry with me for the activity.

 

''What took you so long?'' Sasha asked as my feet hit the hallway's floor. She crossed her arms in front of her with an intrigued expression appearing on her face.

 

I delicately let slip my backpack to the floor and kneeled down to stuff the rest of my goods in it. As she noticed, Sasha gently helped me without a second thought.

 

''I was looking for... Uhmm… something.'' I replied slightly reluctant, without giving more details. It wasn’t a lie, though. I’ve been looking for the key the whole morning. I've almost turned everything upside down in the room I sleep in. I couldn’t believe that I’ve lost such a thing. It's somewhere, I know it. Where else could it be? It's so unusual for me to lose my stuff like that. How could I’ve been so careless? I had the key with me last night and this morning it was missing.

 

''Are you sure you need all of this? We’re only leaving for half the day.'' Sasha highlighted, no more paying particular attention to my vague answer. Instead, she stood up on her feet and took my bag away from my hands in the movement. ''Wow. That’s heavy!!''

 

''Really?... I couldn’t make up my mind.'' I replied to her, smiling shamefully as I was a little embarrassed.

 

''Well… Isn’t that the totality of your stuff? Why are you bringing clothes, Armin?'' She asked amused like it was something completely strange. She kept looking inside my bag curiously.

 

If only she knew how many times I had wetted and dirted my clothes earlier this week, she wouldn’t even bother to ask. I couldn’t let it happens again. Having foresight won't hurt.

 

Then, something kept her attention as she pulled on one clothing, in particular, and frowned slightly in doing so. ''Isn’t that Eren’s shirt—?''

 

''N—no!! It’s not!... Can we go, now?!'' I yelped, tugging the shirt out of her grasp along with my backpack to hide it quickly behind my back. I felt so limpid out of sudden. I couldn’t manage to hide my shy expression from Sasha. I was exposed right in front of her, nowhere to hide. My cheeks were probably a deep red because I felt it burning like fire on my skin. My sight stuck on my feet, unable to look up for fear of seeing the look in her eyes. It wasn’t a big deal. It was just a shirt after all. Why was I acting so defensively? I was giving her good hints there and wasn't so sure if she could read me like an open book at this point. I must I have taken the wrong shirt without noticing. That’s all... I should have just said so. But, no!! Instead, I had given Sasha an obvious hint there. She must think I'm strange now. She's probably connecting the threads together while I'm overthinking.

 

Oh my god. I need some water!!

 

''The camera isn’t a bad idea!'' she exclaimed. When my eyes met hers, she smiled at me like nothing abnormal happened at all. It was simply Sasha being Sasha. Excited like a child and innocent like one too. If not the case… then, she was acting pretty well in dissimulating it. Connie and Sasha seem to have that tendency of seeing everything above suspicion. I should be relieved of it but... I don’t know if I’m relieved or not. I don’t particularly want to keep my relation with Eren a secret, but we haven’t passed that step yet and I couldn't bring myself to announce anything the sort without Eren's consent first. Heck, as if I knew what we were right now. It's like we were stuck together in a closet provided with a little window in which Mikasa was waving at us.

 

That's a strange image, isn't it? I don't know why I'm seeing that. That's quite ridiculous.

 

''Y—yeah. I just want to be sure we'll remember our last summer all togeth—'' I answered without thinking. I bit my lip as I stopped myself from finishing the sentence.

 

''Last summer? Waah, don’t make it sounds so melodramatic, Armin!'' she hissed.

 

''Ha— sorry! Don’t mind me.'' I said, scratching the back of my head with one hand, offering an apologetic expression.

 

I was making it sounds slightly depressing now that I was paying attention. But… I couldn’t think of anything else but Mikasa. I was the only one knowing she would leave us as soon as the summer would come to an end and this information was causing my heart to ache. I was trying to hide it from everyone but wasn’t successful, apparently. If I'm letting information slip like that once again, they would know before she has even the time to announce it herself. Clearly, if someone was paying enough attention to me, they would have noticed by now that something wasn't quite right. But I was glad no one asked. I guess everyone assumed it was because of Eren. But It wasn’t the case. Not this time, at least.

 

''Nah! It’s fine!'' she finally answered, grinning so widely, it met her eyes. ''So, you ready?''

 

''I’m ready!'' I exclaimed, giving her a sincere grin. I really was looking forward to this journey. I couldn’t wait to be outside, sailing on the river, breathing the good air and having fun for the first time in forever. Our stay has been extremely exhausting and full of turns and twists since we arrived in this forest. We all deeply needed positive vibes. We were all craving for it.

 

I was hoping for it.

 

''Great!! I can’t wait to go canoeing with all of you!!'' She said, turning on her heels with one fist in the air. As the front door was already wide open, the hot summer air was filling my nostrils delightfully. God, I had missed it. Sasha decided to move out of the way to let me pass first, probably to lock the door before we leave for good. ''After you!'' she added, sounding and gesturing like some ridiculous prince charming, changing her voice to something ridiculously too deep for her.

 

I couldn’t contain my laughter. Sasha is always so expressive. Her attitude barely fits any situations. But that’s the charm with Sasha. I love that about her. She's just being herself all the time without fearing it. I think it’s a great quality.

 

''I can’t wait either!'' I said, passing by her, swinging my bag over my shoulder as I stepped outside, shoes against the wooden cracking floor of the cottage porch. I was smiling to myself, letting the sun brushing every pore of my skin, inhaling all the vitamins through it. The air was hot and deprived of humidity, which was perfect to actually be outside. I started to walk to join Mikasa, Jean, and Connie who were waiting for us at the beginning of a path leading to the lake with their backpack on their back.

 

It was a very pretty sunny afternoon. Yesterday’s rain had purified everything in the air, washing all the bad things away. It was about time we had good temperatures, after two days straight without a glimpse of sunshine. I had started to lose hope to ever see the sun again. A sad heavy grey atmosphere was widespread in the forest of giant trees for the last long two days. It felt like forever to me. Eren was recovering from his fever during that period of time and Mikasa and I weren't in the mood to do anything until he had fully recovered. The lack of sun hadn't helped much. Eren wasn’t really enthusiastic knowing that he was the cause of our lack of energy, but we always had that sensitive spot whenever Eren's well-being is concerned, so it wasn't really surprising coming from us. Leaving him home alone wasn’t really an option and to be completely honest, I don’t think I would have been able to have any fun at all knowing that he was sick home while we were having a good time. The temperature had kept us all trapped inside, anyways. So, in the end, it wasn't such a big deal. We enjoyed our stay watching movies and stuff like that. Anything you would do during rainy days. But today was a brand new day and my heart was vibrating with the sun. I was finally able to recharge my batteries. Eren wasn't sick anymore and I even started to believe that the climate was strangely in synch with him but it was certainly all a coincidence. A weird coincidence. But a coincidence nonetheless.

 

''Where’s Eren?'' I asked Mikasa as I was now standing in front of her. She was looking past my shoulder, saying anything.

 

''I’m right behind you.'' Eren spoke into to my ear I felt myself becoming weak at the knees. His deep voice sends a shiver down my spine as I gasped loudly. I turned around really stiffly, almost bumping into his body.

 

''Woah! Don’t do that!!'' I replied a little harsher than intended, shocked by his unexpected presence. My heartbeat was making a mess up my ears.

 

''Do what?'' He asked, blinking innocently until he twitched a dangerous smirk.

 

He was doing it purposefully! I knew it.

 

''You came so easily behind my back without me noticing. That’s quite scary!'' I explained, exhaling sharply the air that caught in my throat.

 

''Sorry!'' He laughed the word slightly. ''You seems so tense, Aru. Relax!'' He added playfully, one hand on my shoulder as he passed by me, a satisfied smile on his lips until the brief contact was gone.

 

Oh no, this smile. It just makes my heart melts because Eren is gorgeous when he smiles but— Wait! That's not the time to get carried away, Armin. Eren is probably plotting something. I can feel it in my veins. I saw that predator look behind his sparkling big green eyes. They put me on alert mode. I need to stay watchful. He seems so full of energies today, which is great news but THAT also mean there’s something coming up for me as well. There it goes again. I’m getting nervous all over again.

 

Goodbye, peaceful day.

 

''Aren't you coming, Armin?'' Mikasa asked suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts. Eren was glancing at me over his shoulder with a sly smile twitching on his lips, as he continued to walk forward. I gulped without I had the time to realize it. I was sure that his eyes were capable to pierce through my skull and read right through it. He looked so fierce of himself for having planted a seed There. It was growing all over the place and I couldn't stop the expansion it was occupying as if it wanted to suffocate me.

 

A mess. That's what it was.

 

''Y—yeah. I’m coming.'' I finally said, following them close behind.

 

After a few minutes of walk and chat, we finally reached the end of the path. As we were getting closer to the lake, three canoes were already settled in the water, all berthed next to a deck. The area was beautiful, a perfect picture-postcard view, I must say.

 

''So! What're the teams?'' Sasha asked, turning around to face us all.

 

''I don’t really mind.'' Connie simply replied with a shrug.

 

''Anyone but Eren.'' Jean almost pleaded. It wasn't really mean but more mocking than anything.

 

''Like if I wanted to be with you anyway…'' Eren huffed as a reply, grumpily.

 

''I don’t want to spend my final moment with— OW!'' Jean didn’t have the time to finish what he was intending to say that Mikasa slapped him in the back of his head.

 

''Jean! That’s not funny.'' Mikasa said firmly, in her usual controlled tone. She was staring at him displeased with his rude attitude.

 

''S—sorry.'' Jean quickly replied to her, a little blush apparent on his cheeks as he was rubbing the spot Mikasa just hit. Then, he cleared his throat and switched his features to something drastically smoother.

 

''Oh, please. I’m gonna puke.'' Eren growled back at them.

 

I glanced at Eren at that, a little taken aback by his sudden reaction. But then, It doesn’t take me long to understand why he was reacting that way. He probably noticed too. Which is kind of surprising coming from Eren, I must admit.

 

''Excuse me?!'' Jean asked with a glimpse of annoyance in his voice.

 

''Nothing.'' he blatantly answered sarcastically, paying no more attention to them.

 

''Come on, Connie! Let them decide for themselves.'' Sasha finally said first, breaking the awkward silence that was now floating around. She started to run toward the deck like a little girl in Disneyland.

 

''Hey, not so fast!!'' Connie screamed at Sasha, as he started to ran after her.

 

''Let’s go, Armin.'' Jean suddenly said, a slightly dejected look on his face. It took me a few seconds to send the information to my brain. Jean was picking me for the activity and I was standing there, blinking like a lost animal, unmoving like we weren't talking the same language at all. ''Armin?'' He asked curiously, an eyebrow perfectly risen.

 

''Oh!— Yeah!'' I replied awkwardly, recollecting my senses at the same time. I probably looked like a fool. I was good at that lately.

 

As I was about to move forward to reach Jean’s side, I suddenly felt a strong grip around my wrist tighten so tightly, It hurt me. My eyes widened as they narrowed back to the source of it. The strong grasp was attached to a certain brunette. Eren was currently staring at nothing in particular in front of him, his sight lost on the ground before him like he was not even there at all. ''E—Eren?'' I asked, worried.

 

''You come with me, Jean.'' Mikasa said to broke the weird tension that was building up between us. She grabbed Jean by the arm and pulled him away, leaving me and Eren alone behind.

 

''R—really?!? Mikasa, I thought you would have chosen Eren.'' I heard Jean says, his voice becoming distant the more they moved away.

 

''Don’t make me regret my choice.'' she replied back, in a soft quiet voice.

 

''No! Of course not...'' He managed to reply, looking at her, sideways. Half suspicious, half happy.

 

When Jean wasn’t looking, Mikasa turned her head back to me, giving me one look over her shoulder, a very small smile on her lips. Though she was a little surprised by Eren’s reaction, I could easily tell by her expression. She was eyeing him weirdly.

 

When I glanced back at Eren, he was still wearing that blank expression on his face but it faded quickly when he suddenly realized that I was staring at him.

 

''What was that?!'' I asked him.

 

''I— I don’t know…'' he admitted, clearing his throat. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

 

''You don’t know?''

 

He lifted his eyes to finally look at me and there was shame written in them. ''I don’t! I’m not sure...'' He added, chewing his lip nervously.

 

''Were you… were you getting jealous?!'' I asked delicately. I couldn't believe that I was actually asking that.

 

''Of course not!!!...'' he quickly answered on the defensive. He sounded like a child that just had been caught and grounded. The tips of his ears were getting all red. He was clearly lying here.

 

''You know that Jean is my friend, right?'' I said that in a total disbelief manner.

 

''Of course, I know… I don’t really approve, BUT I know!! That’s not the point...''

 

''What is it, then?!''

 

''I did it instinctively!!'' he muttered.

 

''I see. Whatever...'' I sighed, not wanting to go any further on the topic.

 

He sighed, defeated as well. ''Look, Armin... I’m becoming very… how can I put this?... I am—''

 

''GUYS!! STOP SLACKING OFF!!'' Sasha screamed from her boat. She was waving at us, jumping in place, like a kid who ate too much sugar. Connie was panicking in the canoe as he was trying to stop Sasha before she could dig a hole in the floor and make them sink.

 

''They are waiting for us...'' I said half whispering, turning my head back in Eren’s direction.

 

''Y—yeah...'' he whispered back, his eyes stuck on the dust beneath his shoes. Then, he softly released my wrist and I felt the need to rub it with my other hand, as I started to walk toward the group.

 

''Did I hurt you?'' Eren asked, ashamed of his action. He was following me now, not so far behind. Actually, he was following me so close, I could feel his hand bumping into my side as we walked.

 

''It’s fine.'' I softly answered, not particularly wanting to whine about it. I could still feel his fingertips where they were pressed seconds ago, but it was bearable.

 

''I’m so sorry...'' he whispered the words like he was deeply hating himself. He reached my side and walked at the same pace as me.

 

''It’s fine, Eren. Don’t wor— '' He didn’t let me finish my sentence that his lips were pressed gently against the achy skin. My breath caught in my throat as I let it out into a shaky exhale. I was staring at him, quite surprised by the pureness of the gesture. Eren can be so soft sometimes, it always blows me away how lucky I am to see this vulnerable side of his. His whole face is softening to the point he looks defenseless. There's no sign of roughness anywhere, it vanished. He is a perfect mix of cuteness and sexiness and he doesn't even seem to be aware of it. But... I think he is getting the hang of it pretty fast, judging by his behavior. He probably knows what kind of effect he has on me by now.

 

''A magic kiss.'' he lovely said against my skin. A mix of sincere apologies and soft desires behind his emerald eyes. They were sparkling like crazy as he was drowning in my eyes. I was in awe.

 

''T—Thanks... ''I breathed the word, as it flew away with the pain. I started to believe he was truly a wizard. A beautiful wizard with bewitching green emerald diamond eyes.

 

''Let’s go on an adventure!!'' Sasha’s loud voice blew my fantasy bubble. We were now close enough to step on the wooden deck and I was starting to get excited.

 

''I’m going to have a headache.'' Mikasa mumble loud enough for us to hear. She stepped in the canoe with Jean and as she was about to lose her balance, he caught her just in time.

 

''Woah! Slowly. '' he said to her, slightly amused to see Mikasa being clumsy.

 

''I— I’m fine.'' she replied a little bit too prideful to let it gets to her.

 

I was watching the whole scene, twitching a small smile as I was staring at Jean. That look doesn’t lie...

 

''So! Will we keep staring at the beauty and the horse all day long or…'' Eren stopped my thoughts to go any further into an analysis. He passed by me and started to get aboard first.

 

''Eren...'' I laughed, amused by his remark.

 

Eren reached one hand for me to catch it. As I took it in mine, I stepped in the canoe with him. ''I’m kidding… you’re the only true beauty here.'' he said that so naturally, it took my breath away. I slightly backed away from him, as I noticed our proximity.

 

''You’re wrong, though.'' I replied shyly, letting a small laugh escaping my mouth.

 

''No, I’m not!'' he replied, confused.

 

''My eyes don’t lies, Eren.'' I was holding his stare, without letting go. The words were gone before I had the time to catch them, not really realizing what just flew out of my mouth. And then, I froze. I noticed that he wasn’t saying anything until I replayed what I just said to him in my head.

 

Oh my god. I’m flirting with him!!

 

''Wow...'' he finally said, breathing the word.

 

''What?'' I asked nervously. My legs were getting shaky now.

 

''I don’t know. It’s interesting…''

 

''Interesting?'' I asked back, intrigued and slightly embarrassed with myself.

 

''When did we start talking to each other like that exactly?'' He laughed softly, clearly pleased by our flirty exchange.

 

''Ha… well.'' I shrugged at him. Laughing shyly, realizing the situation.

 

''Damn… I swear… the things I would do to you if I wasn’t in this boat with a bunch of people around.'' he bluntly said in his deep raspy voice, no sort of kind of regret in his choice of words.

 

''Eren!! How can you say stuff like that? And lower your voice! We’re not alone they will hear us.'' I hated the fact that my voice is getting high pitched everytime I’m embarrassed. But I couldn't help it!

 

''Yeah… about that, Armin,'' He started, before finally sitting on the bow seat at his side of the boat, taking one paddle in hand. ''What are we, now?''

 

I looked down at my own feet at the question. ''In all honesty, I’m not so sure.'' I answered frankly, sitting on the front seat, not facing him anymore. My eyes lost somewhere on the horizon.

 

''I see.'' he replied in a disappointed tone.

 

''Let’s paddle…'' I offered, not so sure how to make up for this.

 

''Do we still have to pretend ?'' he added suddenly, piercing my heart with his unbelievably soft voice.

 

''Time will tell us. I guess…'' I answered, almost whispering. Unsure.

 

How was I supposed to know?

 

''It will probably escalate very quickly then…'' he weakly snorted. There was still that glimpse of disappointment in his voice, though. I probably wasn't saying what he wanted to hear. I don't know what to say to him. I'm not in my element at all. I know nothing about love. I just know how it makes me feels. I don't have answers for those things. I didn’t answer anything to his reply. I only shallowed very hard my saliva. I was really nervous around Eren. Something I wasn't used to before. It's completely different now that we are a step ahead of what we were used to be and it keeps moving forward. We’re still trying to become accustomed to our new desires. Eren is capable of bringing out a side of me I wasn't aware of and I'm getting anxious to acknowledge those new deepening desires. I knew by now that it was only a matter of time before our bound change into something else completely and I couldn’t stop thinking constantly about that outrageous shifting. We were kind of stuck in place now, though. We were not openly assumed in front of our friends. Not yet. They don't know about us. I think? We sure are pretty touchy in front of them as always but nothing as far as what we are now. Nothing really changed at the surface, it’s what’s hidden behind the curtains when no ones around that changed. How could I be excited and scared all at once to open the curtains?!

 

''How do you even manage to resist that attraction?!'' He asked me openly, a glimpse of disbelief.

 

''By thinking of something else, first.''

 

''That’s easier to say. You’re occupying almost all my thoughts. 90% of it to be correct.''

 

''Don’t be ridiculous. That’s clearly incorrect. That’s way too much!'' I laughed the words. ''And what’s the 10% left anyway?'' I asked curiously.

 

''Surviving. Essential stuff. Like eating… showering… or pooping!'' he put an emphasis on the last word. I think he wanted to be funny or something.

 

''I shouldn’t be the only one occupying your thoughts...'' I explained, unbelieving that Eren was serious about those statistics. Of course, he was exaggerating.

 

'' But you’re the only one who truly matters…'' He replied, in a so serious intonation. As if his heart was tamed to say this exact words to me. He was getting really good at making it hard. ''Why do we not simply succumb to it? Maybe it’s part of the solution. Maybe we need to release the tension once for all.'' he added, sounding so convinced by his own words.

 

''Listen...''

 

''I love you.'' he said the words so sincerely, stopping me in my attempt to add something at all.

 

My heart skipped a beat. Eren was getting so straightforward, it was impossible to dodge his advances anymore. It was getting so hard to resist him as the days were passing. I was even wondering why I was fighting against it like that again. That was quite stupid of me. We were in love, right? What’s the point in fighting it? I want to succumb to it too… want to—

 

Armin, it’s not the time.

 

''I love you too.'' I softly answered back, my hands tightening the paddle’s handle. I wasn’t facing him but I could feel his strong presence behind me and I was sure he was wearing that soft expression on his face once again. The one that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Suddenly, I felt the canoe moving in every direction and I straighten myself to keep my balance, grabbing the wooden seat with my free hand. I inhaled sharply as I felt Eren’s arms around me.

 

The time stopped.

 

''Eren… what if they turn around and see us?'' They were pretty far from us at this point but…

 

''I thought you were worth the risk. And I don’t give a shit if they see how much I love you. '' he spoke against my cheek. His hot breath caressing gently the area. I closed my eyes instinctively, letting the joy overwhelming me.

 

He kissed the spot delicately, his firm arms wrapping me from behind and I forgot the whole world. I forgot all my insecurities and fears in his embrace. Without warning, I found the strength to turn around, rushing to kiss him properly. My actions were so needy, I was barely recognizing myself. But to my own surprise, he stopped me before I had the time to pursue my desperate quest. One hand over my mouth, letting me no choice but to stare into the deep forest of his eyes. They were so mysterious and bright under the lighting. My eyes widened under the unexpected contact of his palm against my lips. I was holding my breath, unsure how to react to this situation until he spoke again.

 

''Not so fast,'' he whispered, a smirk appearing on his face. It wasn’t a playful smirk this time, it was more tender. ''Armin… I don’t want to kiss you.''

 

My heart ached. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of Eren’s mouth.

 

WHAT?! HUH?

 

''Don’t make that face! I want you to listen to me.'' he laughed warmly.

 

I simply nodded because I couldn’t talk anyway.

 

''I want to keep it for later. I still have that ungranted wish, remember? I waited long enough so I had the time to think of what I wanted from you and I have an idea.'' he explained, his eyes lingering on his hand covering my mouth.

 

There it goes again. That lump was now turning into a blooming fire in my chest. I could practically hear the fireworks blowing in my heart to my ears.

 

''But… I can give you a taste of it. Kind of…'' He leaned in, pressing delicately his lips against his own hand covering my mouth, holding my stare the whole time. My heart was beating so loudly. Our lips were so close, yet so far. If only his hand wasn’t in the way! I couldn’t look away. I wasn't able, even if I wanted to. Then, he finally removed his hand and sat back in his seat. His expression so serious, it was consisting of desires within his darkening eyes.

 

''I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you like that without warning... I wasn’t acting like myself.'' I said, not knowing what to say. I was a little ashamed now, for some reasons.

 

''You’re wrong, Armin.'' he said half whispering, his eyes filled with nothing but lust and dreams. He was eyeing me intensely in a way that I was sure he was able to undress me completely with his eyes only. Seeing him eyeing me like that was doing weird things to me. He was devouring me without touching me. He was devouring me psychologically and emotionally. And I could tell that he was enjoying doing this.

 

What a torture.

 

''What do… you mean?'' I whispered back. I was getting uncomfortable by the second, in a way that wasn't so unpleasant but was certainly killing me by my insides.

 

''I know I’m not a specialist in the matter but... I think It won’t hurt to embrace this part of yourself. To accept it. I feel like the reason why you’re still keeping a certain distance as something to do with the fear of losing yourself completely in something new. Simply because you don’t know that side of yours and what you’re capable of, or what consequences it might even cause if you dare to cross that limit. It’s scaring the shit out of you because our friendship is in the way and it's way too much important for you to risk it all. You’re fearing that if you're finally filling that void, nothing would ever be the same between us. But you know what Armin… we should give it a try. Why not let your desires talk for once instead of always pushing them back? Plus, it's not like it's the first time you sneak-attack me with a kiss." He snorted at the end of his speech. He wasn't wrong. But... every time I kissed him like that, I never quite feel like myself either.

 

''Ha— Well—'' I started to stutter.

 

''Did I guessed right?'' he asked.

 

''It’s… something like that… you’re good. I’m surprised…''

 

''In reality, I suck at reading people.'' He laughed warmly, dropping the sexual tension between us like it has never been there. He lowered his eyes at the same time and smiled to himself. ''But with you… it’s different. It’s different because I know you… and I understand you. And I feel the same...''

 

''So… you feel insecure too?''

 

''Yeah… Of course, I do! Armin… I talk a lot but deep down… I’m not so different from you. It’s all new to me too. I don’t know how to act properly or what to do to make you feel all right. I just keep acting without thinking the majority of the time or saying stuff I shouldn’t. I’m working on that, though, and I’m sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable.''

 

I nodded as a response, surprised by this sudden confession. ''Don’t worry about it. It's ok.'' I smiled at him.

 

His eyes were back on me like if he was lost in deep thoughts and he smiled briefly. ''I do worry, Armin. That’s the problem. I worry because you are important to me and I don’t want to fail at loving you the way you should. Not this time…'' he whispered the last words as if he was talking with himself. He seemed so sad suddenly.

 

''Not this time?...''

 

''Forget I said that. What's important is that we’re here together… now. Our present is everything we have.''

 

Eren was saying strange things out of sudden. Not that it wasn’t making sense. No, I completely understood what he was trying to say here and he was totally right. We should only focus on the present but… he was acting slightly different. As if he was hiding something from me. Mikasa’s words were echoing in the back of my mind. When she said that I shouldn’t try to look into the past. It was strangely connecting with what Eren was implying here… somehow. Or maybe it’s all a coincidence.

 

Again?

 

''We should really rejoin the gang, Eren. They will start to wonder what we are doing…'' I said, changing the subject, realizing that we were all alone as I turned around in my seat. I was facing the landscape once again, the paddle firmly In my hand. Mikasa, Jean, Connie, and Sasha wasn’t even in our sight anymore, they probably turned the curving opening leading to the river. ''But thanks… I feel better now.'' I added, smiling warmly to myself.

 

''It’s rare I could help… it’s always the other way around. You must have a good influence on me, bright eyes.''

 

''Bright eyes?!'' The pet name surprised me at first, I was amused by it though. I glanced over my shoulder.

 

''I don't know. There’s just something in your eyes that could light up a burning fire within me. I think it suits you well.''

 

''This is my line...'' I breathed the word, as I turned my head to its initial position.

 

''Huh?''

 

''Looking into your eyes always reminds me of who I truly am, instead of who I see in my own reflection.'' I confessed.

 

''Then, look through my eyes as many time as you need." he said.

 

''Yeah…'' I simply answered back, unable to stop that warm smile to grow any larger on my lips. I felt at ease. This discussion helped me a lot more than I thought. I was feeling more confident with myself now.

 

''Uhmmm. Shit.'' Eren voice stopped my thoughts to run anywhere else.

 

''What?'' I asked, not liking the sound of his intonation at all.

 

''I lost my paddle…''

 

''You can’t be serious!!'' I exclaimed, turning around, unbelieving that it was happening. Will we ever be able to leave one day?

 

''It must have sunk in the water when I moved to you...'' He explained, biting his lip.

 

''Can you see it, at least?''

 

''No…''

 

''Ugh… Eren.'' I mumbled desperately, pinching the bridge of my nose.

 

''It’s not my fault!'' he exclaimed, trying to sound innocent.

 

''Yes, it is! but it doesn’t matter. Sasha probably has other paddles somewhere in her shed.'' I offered, attempting to get out.

 

''Fuck that. I’m going to paddle alone. We don’t have time for this. My mistake, my repair. Now, let’s enjoy this activity.''

 

''Are you su—'' he tugged the paddle out of my hand so fast, giving me no choice but to sit there in silence.

 

''Yes, I am! Now let's enjoy the ride.'' he said as he sat back, obviously frustrated with himself.

 

''But you’re going to have difficulties to—''

 

''Armin, don’t underestimate me, please. This is my fault, I don’t want to ruin your afternoon. We have lost enough time already.''

 

I nodded as a response, not so sure what to do now but to sit there awkwardly. And then, my bag appeared in the corner of my eyes. I remembered that I had my camera with me. That’s perfect! I will be able to take as many pictures as I want now that my hands are free. I pulled on my bag, before removing the camera out of it.

 

''You brought your camera?'' He asked curiously.

 

''Yes.''

 

''Have you seen the pictures I’ve taken?''

 

''What? No? When did you use my camera?''

 

''While you were in the ocean.''

 

''You took pictures of me without I noticed?!?'' I asked, bewildered.

 

''Yup!''

 

It got me curious. As I looked through my camera, I finally came to the very beginning of the album and my heart did the thing when you see something unexpected.

 

''Eren, that’s beautiful!!'' I said in awe.

 

''Well, it helps when the subject is photogenic.''

 

''No! I mean.. sure it does but, no! You are really talented and it ain’t because of me. Trust me, I always try to take pictures of myself and I never quite look like myself. But you… you captured me perfectly in each one of them. You’re good with composition! I’m impressed!" I answered excitedly.

 

''You are?... Well. Thank you.'' He said that curiously intrigued by my praises. I could tell that he was quite pleased to have aroused my interest.

 

''I thought I knew everything about you and yet, you still surprise me after so many years.'' I snickered lightly.

 

''That’s a weird feeling, isn’t it?''

 

I looked up at him at that. He was giving me such a timid expression as if he was waiting for me to approve on something but was a little scared to hear the answer. ''Weird isn’t the term… it’s satisfying more than anything.'' I answered him.

 

''I agree.'' He said as his eyes were lowering to his feet. He was smiling warmly, clearly satisfied by my answer. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach at the thought of being the one who triggered such a sweet reaction from Eren.

 

''Are you a secret photographer or something?'' I laughed, very intrigued by his hidden talent.

 

''Nah, just had too much time to spare. I learned it by myself. More like a hobby, you know. I don't really have any real talents so... I was doing it to kill the time more than anything.'' he admitted, no even prising himself in the way he was talking.

 

''Well, you have one now.''

 

his eyes fell on me and he smiled quickly, a small blush apparent on his cheeks. '' If you say so.''

 

''I assure you. Do I look like I'm lying here?''

 

He softly snorted at that with a warm smile. ''Ok, then.''

 

The wind was blowing gently through the trees as a soft whisper accompanied by the quacking ducks in the distance. The sun was up high in the blue sky as he reflected against the water like a mirror. I was taking pictures of the place as we sailed in a comfortable silence. If I had to pick my most favorite season of the year, summer would be my answer. It’s simply a bliss to me.

 

We finally caught up with the rest of the group. The trajectory was curving quite a lot at this point and there was more flow in the water as we advanced into the river. Eren was doing fine paddling alone, actually. It took us more time than it should have to reach them but at least we were able to do the activity. As we were getting closer to Mikasa and Jean’s boat, The latter turned around to give us a look. He was making a face. I wasn't so sure of what to think of that expression. It took me off guard.

 

''What’s up with you two?'' Jean asked suspiciously.

 

''No—nothing.'' I answered poorly.

 

''Sure…'' he replied back, obviously not believing me. His eyes shifted to Eren and me as if he knew something. I felt myself becoming tense under his gaze.

 

''Jean, keep paddling.'' Mikasa ordered.

 

''That’s my fault. I lost my paddle.'' Eren finally explained.

 

''Why am I not surprised? Can you do something right, Eren?'' he sighed exasperatedly.

 

''Yeah! Like kicking your goddamn ass if you don’t shut your mouth!!'' Eren blurted out in response.

 

''Good luck to even reach it.'' Jean snorted with a mocking smile.

 

''Eren, Jean! Stop it now!'' Mikasa exclaimed, raising her voice to shut them up.

 

''Guys! Look to your left! A beautiful specimen. What a beautiful moose. Godammit, why I didn't bring my bow and arrows with me!?'' Sasha blurted out, standing up in the canoe, little too eased to stand like that.

 

''Sasha, sit down!! You’re going to turn the boat over!!'' Connie yelped, getting anxious by her every move.

 

''BUT IT’S A SHAME!!!'' she cried out, both of her hands on each side of her head like she was completely suffering.

 

''Sasha please stop! You’ll fall over!!'' Connie tugged on her shirt before she had the chance to fall face first into the water. She fell backward in the canoe.

 

''Thanks, Connie. That was close!!! But OW! I hit my head!!'' she whined.

 

''Do you have something with you to shut her up, Connie?'' Mikasa asked out of sudden, an annoyed tone in her voice.

 

Jean just laughed lively at that.

 

''Mikasa!! Why are you so mean?!'' Sasha whined louder this time.

 

''That’s it! I’m having a headache.'' Mikasa growled, stopping paddling to press a hand on her head.

 

I was watching them in silence while they were getting all so loud. What a bunch of weirdos we were. We were like those dysfunctional families that don’t fit together but still managed to get through. That made me smile at the idea, though.

 

Then, something kept my attention. Their roaring voices were turning into whispers in my mind while I was too absorbed into that strange feeling of déjà-vu. As we were curving in the meandering river, I noticed the familiar area. I felt a strange emotion all of sudden and wondered why.

 

A dream? no.

 

Levi's cottage. Of course.

 

I lifted my camera to my eyes to capture it. I don't know why. I just wanted to.

 

''Oh no! Guys cover me up.'' Sasha's sudden plea made me jolt a little.

 

''What’s up with you now?!'' Connie asked.

 

''JUST DO IT!... Please?''

 

''But why?!'' he asked, quite annoyed by her sudden outburst.

 

''I’m a dead girl.'' She blurted out, embarrassingly.

 

''What!? What did you do for fuck sake?'' Jean asked curiously.

 

''Ughhh. You see that cabin over there?'' She started, pointing in Levi’s cottage direction. ''Well, I... maybe… vandalized their garden a little...Hehe.'' She laughed shamefully at that. More nervously that anything.

 

''You WHAT?!?'' Connie was in complete disbelief at this point.

 

''I know I'm a horrible person!!'' Sasha cried out, covering her face with her palms."Please, don’t hate me." She mumbled.

 

''You’re unbelievable, Sasha! That’s far your worst crime ever!!! " Connie replied, quite angry with her. '' Why did you do that?! What were you thinking?!?"

 

''I just wanted to prepare something to make you all happy... but it was lacking some ingredients. I just wanted to make it perfect. Ugh!! Please forgive me!!''

 

''I can't believe this.'' Connie muttered, quite disgusted with Sasha confession.

 

A memory flashed in my head at this moment. What Levi mentioned that night about the vegetables was making sense in my head now. I understood all the confusion and why he had taken his precaution around me. Everything was making more sense. Heck, I almost died because of that, though. It wasn't a funny episode, at all.

 

''Sasha… do you know the owner of this place?'' I asked, breaking the brief silence floating in the air.

 

''No… Why?!''

 

''Just like that…''

 

''Why are you asking that?'' Eren asked quietly after a long pause without talking. I almost forgot he was in the canoe with me.

 

''It appears that I met the owner… and I almost died because of Sasha.'' I half whispered the last half of my sentence for no one else could hear.

 

''HUH?! Did I miss an episode or what?''

 

''No one knows about that meeting... you’re the first to know.'' I let him know.

 

''Armin… WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!'' He asked half shouting at me. It wasn't mean, but he sounded more unhappy and worried about me. Well, goodbye subtilities. Eren isn’t quiet when he is getting upset.

 

''They weren't bad people Eren… I trusted my guts on that.''

 

''Yeah sure. You almost died because they were so good to you. Make so much sense.''

 

''It was just a misunderstanding!'' I replied.

 

''Armin are you even listening to what you're saying?''

 

''Remember when I talked about the time capsule?''

 

''Yeah... of course. What about it?''

 

''The key.''

 

''The key?''

 

''Yeah. The key has magic in it...or something along the line. Not so sure what it is exactly. I can't explain what the key is containing..."

 

''The key is magic now?. What are you babbling about?''

 

''I know it sounds insane but you have to trust me. Otherwise, I would have never found this place, Eren.''

 

''Well… I don’t recall you stating anything about a magic key, Armin. You only said that you were following a trail and got lost that night.''

 

''I couldn’t bring the topic up to you like I intended. Mikasa and I had a talk that night and I took a decision.''

 

''And now it’s alright to bring that up?! Why?"

 

''I can’t lie to you… it’s just plain wrong. I can’t. I prefer telling you the truth. But... I must admit that a part of me just wants to forget about this whole crazy situation. I'm so conflicted between giving up or just finishing what I started. I don't know what to do anymore.''

 

''What did you learn, Armin?''

 

I sighed tiredly. ''I don’t think it’s important anymore.''

 

''Now you got me more than curious. Why are you bringing that up if you didn't plan to talk about it, uh?''

 

''I don’t want to trigger something within you. That’s why! I'm scared. I feel like I’m stepping on landmines now. Plus... you started asking questions... I couldn't make up the truth anymore. I want you to trust me."

 

''But I can handle it—''

 

''Maybe… NO… ugh!! I don’t know! I’m so lost. It’s not simple, Eren."

 

''Do you have it?''

 

''What?''

 

''The key. Do you have it on you?''

 

''Normally but... Not today. I lost it, actually.''

 

''No way... are you serious?!''

 

''Strangely, I feel better. Maybe getting rid of it was the best solution after all. Maybe Mikasa was right... I should just destroy it once for all and forget about it."

 

''Now that you mention it… I was wondering what was different today. I don’t feel the same kind of pushy force between us…''

 

''Oh no…'' I gasped slightly at the mention.

 

''No, nooo!! I’m not saying it like that! I’m still attracted to you! But... I don’t feel like I’m about to lose control every single time I touch you. I'm more in control of myself... Do I make any sense?!''

 

''But what if the key influenced you, Eren?''

 

''Huh?''

 

''Would you have done the same things if I hadn’t wear that key around my neck? Would you have kissed me that night? Would you have realized your feelings? What if everything was a lie? What if the reason why you realized your feeling for me was all due to the influence the key has on you? Maybe it’s confusing you.''

 

''You really think that I’m faking, Armin? You really think that we’ve come this close just because of a stupid old key?!? That’s what you’re insinuating? Really?!''

 

" I— I’m not saying that you’re faking! Only that maybe the key is keeping you attached to me for some reasons we're not aware of. We're not even sure what it's all about. You say it yourself! We've been pushed together and maybe it's actually messing up with our head. You might even be only attracted to it... not even to me. What if it's forcing you to do things you would have done differently if I haven't worn it the whole time we arrived here?''

 

''I can't believe this. Have you lost your goddamn mind? For what I know I’m still able to tell the difference! I’m not cured of your 'spell' or whatever you’re calling it. You're not even wearing that key today and I'm still in love with you. Because guess what!? there’s no spell!! That's why! It’s REAL Armin!''

 

''I- I'm just saying that maybe we should destroy it… just to be sure...?''

 

''Armin… Arlert.''

 

''W—what?...''

 

''I'm so disappointed. I thought you knew me better than that. Have you forgotten all the things I've said to you over the week? I opened up my heart to you... I never did that with anyone before. And it hurts like hell because... you—! You never give me the chance to redeem myself for what I did!!'' Eren was saying all of this as if he was fighting back his tears. he gritted his teeth together. He was clearly angry and hurt by my assumptions. I never saw him being that angry at me before. I felt terribly bad watching him being in pain like that. It was worst knowing that I was the cause of it. Something kept my attention, though. Something seemed off. The last part of his affirmation got me very confused. It sounded like two different Eren in two different situations. It wasn't making any senses to me at least. Why was he talking about redemption all of sudden? He did nothing bad... did he?

 

''Eren…'' I half whispered, raising my eyebrows in shock.

 

Suddenly, he snapped out of his anger. As if he had just realized what he just said to me. As if his switch was flipped back on. He wiped his teary eyes with the back of his hand. He leveled his eyes back at me and then, I knew that he was back to his normal self just by the look in them. It was the Eren I knew all over again, except that he seemed strangely moved as if he had just seen a ghost. He was wearing such a dejected expression on his face now. It was quite pitiful to watch, honestly. He looked so sad, it broke my heart.

 

''Guys?... Is everything ok?'' Mikasa asked, a worrying hint evident in her voice. That was then that I remembered where we were. All this exchange had moved me so much that I had forgotten where I was for a moment. She probably heard what we were saying... Jean too.

 

Well. oops.

 

''Yes… Mikasa, everything is fine.'' Eren answered her in such a terrible manner. It was clearly not convincing her at all. His voice was so much more monotonous than usual, no glimpse of joy in it. It got me concerned.

 

It wasn't a good feeling at all. It felt heavy on my heart. I hurt him with all my allusions. I hurt his feelings because I was shoving my insecurities into his face again and it was all my fault AGAIN. At this moment, I was disgusted with myself. I couldn’t bear seeing the pain twisting on his face any longer. He thinks I'm doubting him, now. I wanted to erase any trace of that mistake by rewinding the moment I started talking about that stupid key. All I needed was a second go. All this story was getting to my head. Why did I bring that subject up? We were doing so fine before I mention anything about that. UGH!

 

We sailed all the way down the river in silence. It has been a pretty quiet ride for both of us. Eren and I hadn't said a single word the rest of the traject. I felt terribly guilty about it. I was taking pictures of the landscape, while everyone was talking together. The sun started lowering in the colored sky. It was a beautiful sight. I turned slightly to look at Eren over my shoulder. The dimmer light of the sun was coloring his bitter face so beautifully, playing with his features perfectly. While he was too preoccupied to stare at the horizon, I set the camera in his direction. I wanted to capture the moment, to frame it. I adjusted the focus and then, we heard a mechanic click and that's when he noticed what I was doing. My heart sunk when our eyes finally met. He was looking at me with a soft pained expression, but it wasn't as heavy as before.

 

I smiled at him, even though it was a poor apologetic smile and he cracked a smile for me, but it wasn't for so long.

 

''Sorry.'' I started, breaking the silence.

 

''It’s ok.'' He seconded.

 

''No. It’s not. I hurt you.''

 

''I understand your point and acted harshly on you. Sorry about that.'' he insisted. He was saying it a bit too much emotionlessly, though. It made my heart turn cold. I felt a sort of distance between us for the first time. I started to panic slightly. My throat went dry out of sudden.

 

''How can you say that? You are forgiving me so easily…'' I added in a so soft voice, it might break.

 

''I don't want to make you feel bad.'' He replied, his sight lowered to his feet. His eyes felt empty as if it has been drained. It got me really concerned. ''But Armin...''

 

''Y-yeah?''

 

''I feel like a complete mess inside. I'm a failure.''

 

''You're not a failure at all. Where that comes from?''

 

''It's my fault if you act like this. I did my mistakes.''

 

''No? What?! Why are you saying that! Stop! I'm the one to blame, here.''

 

''I had a long dream, last night. I remember it clearly this time. It's still vivid in my mind. I did horrible things in this dream, Armin. I don't know if I would ever be able to wash it all away, one day.'' he confessed, his back hunched, making him looks so defeated and small. ''I tried to hide it... but apparently, it's inevitable since the topic is always brought up. All my past demons seem to find their way back to me, slowly. I don't know how to feel, anymore.'' I wanted to wrap my arms around his body and consoling him tenderly. Where all that self-hatred was coming from?! ''And... you’re my only hope, Armin.'' he half pleaded me. His eyes were watering and I felt at lost seeing him like that. This wasn't the Eren I was used to see. This was an Eren completely eaten by the Insides.

 

I was alarmed. What I was fearing was becoming true. I was about to give in and wrap Eren in my arms. But Jean cut me in my momentum.

 

''Ymir?!?'' Jean launched out of the blue. ''Isn’t that Ymir?!''

 

I turned around quickly, eyes widening as I glanced where Jean was looking at.

 

Indeed. It was her.

 

''Hey!!! Ugly!!!'' Connie Called out loudly, waving a hand at her.

 

''Well, well. Talk about weird coincidence.'' Ymir said, smiling at us in surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably be full of surprises. ;)
> 
> Stay alert!


	15. Our Horizons Colliding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! This was one hell of a chapter for me. So long! I worked hard to make it looks like I wanted. (I tried!)
> 
> The chapter is split in two, so you have two different moments of the story. It's still in Armin POV and it's full of everything!!  
> Guys, thank you for being there with me. You're awesome! Keep commenting, you have no idea how I love reading you. It also helps me to stay focused. :D
> 
> I want to add that I wanted to keep this story not too explicit in its content. So, the smutty part of the story is more 'poetic' than explicit. I prefer playing with the atmosphere than explaining every detail explicitly. You will see. You will get it. ;)
> 
> P.S: I don't know if some of you aren't up to date with the manga or if you only watch the anime... but this story is connected with the original story. So if you're not getting some subtexts... It's normal. But it's still readable! Just be aware that it might have some spoilers along the way.
> 
> see you next time! xo
> 
> P.S #2: You can listen to ''It's All Coming Back to Me Now'' by Lea Michele. It fits well the atmosphere of the latter part with Armin and Eren. And also ''Total Eclipse Of The Heart'' in Eren POV. Very emotional songs, but their lyrics fit. :)

"It smells like soap to me."

 

''You heard it, Levi?''

 

''Tch. You’re disgusting.''

 

''Oh, come on. Give me a little break. Not everyone finds necessary to go crazy washing their clothes every single day as you do.''

 

''If you want to stay under the same roof as me, you’ll have to respect certain rules. To begin with, change your fucking clothes for once! You’re wearing that same ugly shirt for two days now. How filthy.'' Levi replied with a disdain expression twitching on his face.

 

''But it’s not even stained nor smelling! And It’s too late to care, alright. And, how dare you calling my shirt ugly? I love this shirt! What's wrong with it?''

 

''It sure does fit with your ugly personality. '' Levi replied with indifference in his voice before he took a sip of his tea.

 

''I’m hurt.'' Hanji pouted slightly.

 

This was like watching an old couple in their natural habitat. Except that I was breaking the portrait. I was there wondering why I was currently eating stew in the middle of some stranger's kitchen, lost somewhere in the deep of the woods of Paradis Island. The weirdest part was that I was starting to be a little too easily accustomed to their company. Instead of feeling out of place, I felt at ease in their presence. Like you are around people you know for a long period of time.

 

Levi started to ignore Hanji who was now gesturing like crazy at my side for who knows what reason while he was staring at me thoughtfully across the room. He finally pushed himself off the wall to rejoin us at the table who I was comfortably installed. I wasn’t following their conversation at this point, even if Hanji was talking loudly right next to my ear. The conversation was pretty much one-sided and I was personally a little too lost in my thoughts to concentrate properly on what they were saying. Not that it was particularly important anyway.

 

''So, now that we've made some acquaintances and you’re well fed, can you explain to us where you get this key?'' Levi asked me, as he pressed one hand flat on the kitchen table, the other still holding his teacup in the weirdest manner.

 

''I found it in a time capsule…'' I replied in a small voice, before swallowing my last bite. Hanji did a really good job with her stew. It was surprisingly delicious. Almost tasting like my mom’s cooking.

 

  
Almost.

 

 

''Can you be more specific?'' he sighed impatiently, as he finally decided to put down his empty cup on the table.

 

''Y—yes… but I’m warning you, it might sound strange to hear.'' I admitted, unsure where to start. I put my fork down in my bowl and pushed it away from me.

 

''Nothing is stranger than Hanji. So, you're good.'' he retorted with a straight face, without even giving her a single glance. His focus was only set on me and he seemed highly determined to pierce the mystery regarding the key.

 

''Hey!'' She whined half amused, half insulted. Probably, something in between.

 

''I had a dream a few months ago. That’s when all started.'' I cleared my throat before continuing. ''In that dream, I saw my ten-years-old self playing in the huge sandbox my grandpa made for my birthday. We were building a huge castle in the sand together. How nostalgic.'' I smiled warmly at the memory. ''It seemed like a memory replaying in my mind. Like an innocent moment of my past created by nostalgia. I lost my grandpa the exact same month. So, those kind of dreams were more likely to happen during that period of time.'' I stopped briefly to talk, as I tried to voice the following correctly and I frowned. ''But… I was wrong. It wasn’t totally the case. Everything around turned into a nightmare in a heartbeat, as if it was being corrupted by darkness. The castle I had built in the sand raised up so high around me, I could swear it almost touched the sky from where I stood. I was trapped between those huge walls like a caged animal. I felt so tiny, insecure and lonely all at once, but more importantly, I was scared. I couldn’t even move. I was petrified, shaking and powerless. And then, I heard a huge crash that caused me to be propelled into the air. I got to my feet once again and I lifted my eyes up the fifty meters wall in front of me, and there, there was a giant staring down at me…''

 

''A titan.'' Hanji corrected me.

 

''Uh?''

 

''Sorry. Don’t mind me. Go on.''

 

''A titan?—''

 

''That’s what I thought…'' Levi muttered, crossing his arms.

 

''Sorry… I’m confused. You know about those type of creatures?'' I asked curiously, rather intrigued by their calm and unsurprised attitude.

 

''Yes. We know, sweetheart.'' Hanji replied with a glimpse of uncertainty. Like if she wasn’t sure if she should deepen my knowledge on the topic or not.

 

''We don’t have all night. Go on.'' Levi cut it short.

 

''Y— yeah. Uhmmm. The… titan withdrew his huge foot from the hole he just dug into the wall and disappeared in the blink of an eye. All I could remember after that is blurry in my mind. There was a heavy silence. My ears started buzzing and my heart was beating so fast that I thought I would collapse. Everything was darkness and sadness. I wasn’t ten years old anymore. I was definitely older. I can't tell how old, though. But, out of sudden, my skin turned extremely hot... I was burning alive. And without warning, I felt myself shifting into… that humongous thing. That was a creepy experience. Probably the worst nightmare I’ve ever experienced.''

 

''Armin Arlert! Of course!''

 

''H— How do you know my full name?'' I suddenly asked, shocked by Hanji’s sudden outburst. My heart stopped to the sound of my last name.

 

''It makes sense now! Why didn’t we think of that before?'' she exclaimed loudly to Levi, not even giving me more hints.

 

''I’m afraid I don’t understand…'' I said with widening eyes.

 

''The journal! You wrote it!'' she said, grabbing me by my shoulders with excitement and illumination sparkling behind her brown eyes.

 

''I knew his name was familiar. '' Levi added to the fuel, rather calm compared to Hanji.

 

''Hold on! Gonna fetch it for you.'' She said, getting up after she pushed uncaringly her chair backward in a rush. It did a cringy sound onto the floor.

 

I was sitting there blinking and even more confused than before, while Hanji was running out the kitchen. ''I wrote a journal? Huh?!'' I finally managed to say in an incredibly tiny voice.

 

I hate when my voice’s doing this!

 

''That titan you dreamed about, it’s called the colossal titan.'' Levi started to clarify, his arms still crossed in front of him. He was looking down at me intensely like if he was analyzing my reaction carefully while I was staring back at him with widened eyes. And then, he spoke again and my blood turned cold. ''It appears that you became that thing at some point in your past life.'' He bluntly announced me.

 

''Huh? Me, a titan? H—how is it possible?'' I asked in complete disbelief. I felt the sweat on my forehead at the thought of that thing being connected to me. My hands started shaking slightly and I couldn't make it stop, so I hid it under the table.

 

I don't feel so good.

 

''Some Titans were shifting humans, Kid. All I know is you became one of them.''

 

''That’s insane!! I don’t understand, how it’s possible to become a titan…? Were all titans humans?'' I gulped hard after I brought myself to ask the question.

 

''Yes. Basically. But only the shifters had the capacity to return to their human forms.''

 

''So... I was a shifter. Then, Eren— " My head started spinning. It turned into a void. I couldn’t believe that I was currently experiencing this moment. It felt like nothing was real around me. I was in a dream and I would wake up at any moment. It couldn't be true...

 

''It’s one hell of a fucking universe. Believe me, I would have preferred never known about that fucking crap. If only Erwin and Hanji weren’t so determined to resolve this…'' he replied as he was carefully keeping an eye on me. I wasn't looking at him, but his gaze was piercing me painfully, like direct ice on my skin.

 

''Why you keep on doing this, then?'' I asked him without really thinking twice about my question. It could have been directed to myself and I wouldn’t have known the answer. I was currently doing the exact same thing, after all.

 

"Because… I made a promise. And it’s fucking too late to stop now." he finally explained with some kind of regrets being his eyes. He lowered his sight on the floor after saying this.

 

"I... understand. " I admitted quietly.

 

"What I still don’t get is why you own that key." he asked as he glared back at me.

 

"Oh, right. I haven’t finished explaining. When I woke up in the morning… something dragging me out of my bed. I was standing in front the window facing my backyard and felt a force urgently attracting me outside. My parents weren’t awake yet, so I made me subtle enough to sneak out of my room without making a sound downstairs. When I was finally outside, It’s like I knew what to do instinctively. I knew it was in my shed beneath the wooden floor. That’s where I found the key in the time capsule."

 

"But—"

 

"There it is!!!" Hanji excitingly exclaimed as she entered the room, cutting Levi short. She put an old journal before me on the table and I felt a strange sensation running through my blood at the view of this thing.

 

"That’s… locked?" I pointed out, noticing the rusty padlock engraved with wigs.

 

"We tried everything to cut that lock off but unfortunately, nothing worked. We think it’s protected by a spell. Otherwise, I don’t see how it’s possible. I broke so many tools trying to open it. Maybe you will have more chance than us since you’re the owner."

 

"I can’t believe this. It’s my name on the cover." I said, brushing my fingertips on the surface. It felt weird to see a concrete proof of the past like this right under my nose. It was getting way too real for me.

 

"Ho! I almost forgot the illustration! I’ll be right back." Hanji said before running around out the kitchen.

 

"How do you know all of this? Where did you find this? Who are you?" I asked, leveling my eyes up to Levi who was wearing that unreadable expression on his face.

 

"That’s a lot of questions, kid. I normally don’t trust people so easily, but you’re an exception here. Tch. I hope you feel fucking special." He started before finally taking the seat in front of me. He sighed deeply as if it took him everything to bring a single word to life. "To tell you the truth, Erwin Smith started all the research. He devoted his whole life to find every piece of those shitty past events. He originally was the real owner of this place, everything you see here is Erwin’s. And now, Hanji and I are just trying to finish the damn work."

 

"Can I ask who’s Erwin?"

 

Levi sighed slightly annoyed at that question. Something in his eyes was telling me he wasn’t enjoying the topic we were venturing on."Your ex-commander and a good friend of us... basically."

 

"Is he…" I trailed off, not so sure how to end my question.

 

"He’s dead." He affirmed a little sharply. "He bequeathed this cottage to me, including all the materials and finds. Everything." he jerked his index loosely in circles to point the whole place.

 

After mentioning this, Levi’s features suddenly switched to something softly pained. It wasn’t apparent at first glance but, I could still perceive the change of heart. There was sadness in his eyes. Something I would have never thought possible coming from someone so tough-looking.

 

"I’m sorry..." I half whispered, a little uneasy to have brought such an emotion.

 

"You have no say in the matter. You did nothing wrong." he said quietly as he trailed his eyes back to me and I felt like there was another meaning behind his words by the look within his eyes.

 

"I found it!!— What’s wrong? Am I interrupting something?" Hanji asked, intrigued by our current exchange and expressions.

 

"It’s nothing." Levi muttered, regaining his usual cold facade.

 

She simply shrugged like nothing happen, before rejoining me on the chair next to mine. "There! See, the key is exactly the same. But… I don’t understand is why you own—"

 

"EREN?!?" I exclaimed in shock, a little louder than expected.

 

"Oh my god! You scared me!" Hanji breathlessly affirmed with a hand pressed to her heart.

 

"That’s my— my friend!! Oh my god." I said, lost for words. Seeing this illustration was actually messing up with my head. I felt uneasy seeing a drawing of Eren like this between my hands. It was so uncanny. Whoever did this was a true artist. Spot on!

 

"You know the owner of the founding titan?" Hanji suddenly asked intrigued.

 

"The Founding titan?"

 

"I remember Erwin saying something about them being childhood friends, Hanji. makes sense."

 

"It’s like you know us better than we know ourselves and It’s starting to scare me!" I said to Levi, rather moved by the reality of the events. I was probably a little white because Levi’s expression appeared rather smoother than expected.

 

"We only know some information from the past… it doesn’t really count as the 'you' of the present."He pointed out, trying to sound reassuring. It wasn’t really working but I was still thankful he tried.

 

"Have you came here alone, Armin?" Hanji asked rather quietly, stopping my anxiety to explode into a complete ball of fire.

 

"No. Actually, I’m with my friends. We’re on vacation. But they don’t know about this. They don’t know about the key, either. Heck, they don’t even know I ran away. I should probably head back before they start to freak out. It’s getting late."

 

"Do you need help to get home?" She offered.

 

"Ha— but! I still have so many questions. I can’t just—"

 

"Keep the journal. If you ever appear to unlock it, you’ll surely find your answers, Armin. Come see us if you learn anything important that might help us." Levi said.

 

I don’t know if it was the effect of him using my name for the first time tonight or the fact that he was slowly getting gentle to me, but I was very surprised to hear him offering me something like that so easily like it was nothing.

 

"Wait! You let me leave with it?! I can’t accep—"

 

"It’s yours. Besides, we can’t even use the journal. It’s completely useless to us. It would be better if you keep it with you." he explained.

 

"but— it’s not a simple journal. It’s a—"

 

"I don’t care what you say. My choice is made. End of discussion." He cut me short as he stood up from his seat.

 

I couldn’t believe it. Giving me such a thing. It was pressuring me!

 

"Armin, Can I see your key for a second?" Hanji asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

 

"Yes. Sure."

 

I took the necklace off of my neck and handed it to her.

 

"Interesting." she said, narrowing her eyes.

 

"What?"

 

"It’s not a regular key. There’s a weird energy within." she explained, frowning slightly in analyzing the item carefully.

 

"I wasn’t crazy, then." I half whispered to myself.

 

"It evokes the same kind of magic as the journal..."

 

"Magic? …Does magic really exists?" I asked curiously.

 

"I don’t really like the term magic but since I can’t come with a better explanation for the moment I’m using it. There’s certainly something abnormal with both objects. And I'm pretty sure they aren’t from the same person since both energies felt unlikely the same. But Otherwise, I strongly believe these two objects are like soul containers. "

 

"I had a similar conclusion about the soul container. But... If Eren is the original owner of the key… that could mean his soul is within? But then, why me? Why Did I found it and not him in the first place?"

 

"The only explanation I got is that maybe both of you had some kind of plans for the future. That could have awoken both relics. I don't get why you were the one who found it, though."

 

"That’s way beyond my knowledge."

 

"Did Eren has the same side effects as you?"

 

"He does. We didn’t talk a lot about it, but… since we are here, we’re both reacting oddly to an unidentified force of attraction. There’s a force between us… I can’t come to explain. I started suspecting that the key was playing with our heads when we were suddenly able to read each other’s thoughts…"

 

"Wait! You were connected to him by the thoughts?... like telepathy?! That’s fascinating."

 

"Yeah…"

 

"I made some research on the subject. That’s why I’m able to comment on the subjects but It’s far too mysterious for even me to understand completely the meaning behind the triggers that evoked them. It might be something invisible like the links connecting the Titans to the founding titan. Could both items be connected together? Or then maybe... you and Eren are the real deal... like a jar looking for its soul. Like soulmates!"

 

"Ha— Well. I— it’s..."

 

"Sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by pointing this out. Hehe. But I’m starting to understand that only you will be able to resolve it, Armin. It seems only affecting the both of you, after all."

 

"Did the journal was readable before?" I asked, a little uncomfortable with her new speculation. How could she possibly know the depth of our relationship by bringing that like it was that obvious?

 

"Yes. Erwin has been able to obtain a few pieces of information from the journal. But it didn’t take long before it locks itself and activated a shield. Actually, the illustration of your friend was one of the pages from the journal. You can see it’s ripped."

 

"Did he seriously tear the page out of the journal?" I asked a little more surprised than intended.

 

"Yes. Like an idiot. I don’t know what he was thinking, back then." Levi affirmed. "Who the fuck would tear off a page from a fucking artifact like that, honestly? Erwin fucking Smith apparently."

 

"Yeah… I don’t know either. But… I doubt he did it without a reason. He rarely did." Hanji said.

 

"Hanji, Is it possible that a relic might influence our acts?"

 

"Oh? Well, It’s possible that the owner may be attracted to a soul container since it’s directly connected to his soul. I don’t really know about influencing your acts, though. I think I read somewhere that the piece of soul within can slip out from its receptacle and into the body of someone emotionally connected with the container. That's about it."

 

"Could… could it be possible that— Ha— No. Forget it."

 

"You know, Armin. You probably found us because of the journal. Your body is probably reacting to it naturally."

 

"Actually, it’s the key that reacted on its own. That’s how I found your location. I used it to guide me here."

 

"Then… could the key be attracted to the journal?"

 

"It’s not a bad hypothesis. If only I could open— Wait!"

 

"I think we’re having the same idea."

 

She handed the key back to me and I started to insert it into the padlock's opening slowly. To my own surprise, It fit! The only problem was that I couldn’t turn the key to unlock it completely. ''It won't turn...''

 

"Enough." Levi cut it short.

 

"But—"

 

"I’m sure you’ll find a way, Armin. But now, it’s time you get back to your friends. I’m fucking tired. Let’s sleep on that."

 

"You’re right." I replied in a small voice.

 

''Let’s have a walk. I won’t let you walk alone. I’m bringing flashlights.'' Hanji said as walked toward the entrance, reaching for the flashlights on top of the wall shelf beside the front door.

 

  
''Thanks. It’s appreciated, but you don’t have to!''

 

  
''What are you even saying? I insist!'' she said with a large grin.

 

  
''Alright, then.''

 

  
''Oi, Armin.''

 

  
''Yes?''

 

  
''Be careful. You never know when It might change something within you.''

 

  
''I think... it already started.'' I admitted softly. A little scared.

 

  
''I just wanted to warn you. There’s no return. Make sure you won’t regret it.''

 

There was something in the way Levi talked that was insinuating the problems he personally encountered and I couldn't help but feel the guilt hit my stomach at the thought that I was currently trying to follow the same path by bringing the past to life. I should take his warning seriously. I don't want to make a mistake.

 

  
''Let’s go, sweetheart.''

 

  
I thanked Levi and left the cottage with Hanji. I was pressing the journal against me tightly as if it would disappear if I don't. The moonlight was still so bright in the sky at this hour. And all I could think about at the sight of it was...

 

 

Eren.

 

 

* * *

 

 

''Armin. Can I talk to you for a second?'' Mikasa asked as I came out of the bathroom. She probably followed me and waited there to talk in private.

 

''Ha— yes...'' I answered as she pulled on my arm firmly and ushered me deeper into the corridor leading to Ymir's backyard. She stopped abruptly and turned to face me.

 

''What’s wrong?'' she asked, a frown very apparent on her face.

 

''Uh? What do you mean?''

 

''Don’t play dumb with me. I know something has happened between Eren and you. You’re both acting strange. I started worrying.'' She clarified, tilting slightly her head to the side as if she would be able to read me better that way.

 

I signed defeated as I leaned back against the wall. ''It’s my fault. I made a mistake, Mikasa. I shouldn’t have come here with that stupid artifact. I should've gone to the ocean with Eren and leave as soon as possible. That was the main plan, after all.'' I said wretchedly.

 

''How is it your fault? I don’t get it.''

 

''Eren acted weird. I’m scared that I might have trigger something within him when we started arguing in the boat. Something seemed off…'' I explained as I started playing nervously with my hands.

 

She sighed anxiously to what I said. ''I knew it would come to this, eventually. You can’t say I didn’t warn you. '' she said, passing a hand through her silky hair, slightly distraught by the situation.

 

''I tried to keep it for myself, Mikasa. But I can’t lie to him. It doesn't feel right. Deep down, I want Eren to know the truth but never in the world, I want him to suffer for this. I didn't say a lot... yet, he reacted badly to my assumptions. I seem to have struck a nerve, this time. I hate myself.''

 

''Armin, it’s not like you really knew it would happen. Don't hate yourself because of that. But... you should seriously reconsider staying away from all this mess. All the past brought you... is pain.''

 

''I can't, Mikasa! I don’t know how! I already know a little too much to stop. If only I could remove all the information out of my brain, so I could stop thinking about it... I surely would. It’s driving me nuts…'' I admitted, struggling inside, my sight lost on my feet.

 

''Have you learned something new?'' she asked intrigued. Clearly, something in her voice was telling me she was getting a little uneasy to hear the extent of what I had to announce.

 

''Ha— Uhmm. Well, Kind… of.''

 

''Armin!'' she insisted.

 

''There's a journal. I wrote a journal, apparently. In the past...'' I started, not so sure how to explain it, nor where to begin with.

 

''A journal?''

 

''That night, when I was gone… I met people. I know more than you think. Sorry, It’s not that I truly intended to hide it from you but… after our conversation in the guest room, I was resolved to abandon my research and bury it all.'' I explained, not even looking at her for fear to see the look in her eyes.

 

''You—''

 

''Is something wrong?'' Ymir asked as she passed on the other side of the corridor. One eyebrow perfectly raised as she eyed us quizzically.

 

''No. But it's personal. Do you mind?'' Mikasa answered clearly annoyed by Ymir sudden incrustation in our conversation.

 

I ended up glancing at Mikasa as she was glaring at Ymir across the hallway. Judging by her attitude, she seemed on the defensive and I wasn't so sure why.

 

''Calm down, I was just asking,'' Ymir replied as she leaned one shoulder on the wall beside her, her arms crossed in front of her. ''Wanna join us at the table? We're about to play a game.''

 

''What are you hiding?'' Mikasa asked suspiciously, narrowing her eyes slightly.

 

''Can you let your guard down sometimes, Mikasa? It’s not like I want to murder Y'all. Let’s go! It won't hurts.'' she turned around as she gestured us to follow her.

 

''Fine.'' She muttered as a response.

 

I started to move forward to follow Ymir who was now disappearing into the kitchen.

 

''Armin…''

 

I turned around to the sound of my name.

 

''Yes?''

 

''We'll finish this conversation later.'' She said seriously. But I knew it was only a facade. I knew deep down she was worried about us and even scared to bring the topic to life.

 

I simply nodded as a response. I knew I had to explain myself to Mikasa, sooner or later. She deserved to know the truth. I couldn't keep everything inside anymore. It wasn't healthy for me. I needed someone to listen to what I was going through. And Mikasa always has been there for me, whenever I needed a good listener. Beside Eren, of course...

 

As we both entered the kitchen’s frame, everyone was already sitting at the table. Sasha and Connie were loud as usual, Jean was currently discussing with Ymir, and... Eren. Well, Eren was pretty quiet at the corner of the table, with his chin resting on his hand. His eyes caught mines and It made my heart skip a beat. I lowered my eyes mournfully and took the seat in front of him, unsure how to act around him.

 

'' So... any idea for the game?'' Ymir asked from the kitchen counter.

 

''You can count me out. I'll just use your couch if you don't mind.'' Mikasa said from behind.

 

I turned on my seat to look up at her. ''Are you ok, Mikasa?'' I asked worriedly and quite surprised as she started to walk into the dark living room. The only source of light was provided by the flickering half-static TV channel. She seemed fine to me only a minute ago. I hope that I didn’t cause any damage by bringing up that topic to her. I started to feel sick of being the trigger to everyone’s pain.

 

''Migraine.'' she simply explained in her monotone voice, as she let her fell on the couch with a huff. She looked exhausted out of sudden.

 

''Do you want aspirins?'' I offered.

 

''No. Thanks. It'll pass.''

 

I nodded even though I knew she wasn't even looking at me. She was pinching the bridge of her nose with her eyes shut. I wanted to get up and keep her company but then, I decided that it was probably better for her to stay alone and rest.

 

''So, what kind of game should we play?'' Sasha asked.

 

''What about a classic one?'' Connie added with a grin.

 

''Which one?'' Ymir asked intrigued.

 

''Let's play truth or dare!'' he finally suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

''I like your style, Connie. But! Something is missing.'' Ymir said as she moved toward the fridge and opened the door.

 

''You don't need anything to play truth or dare.'' Jean pointed out with a frown.

 

''Let's spice things up with alcohol!'' she suggested with a smirk.

 

''Are you trying to rape us all?'' Connie snorted.

 

''Shut up, Connie! I don't know if you noticed but you're just a bunch of guys. Except for Sasha and Mikasa, but, Geez, you're all on your fucking guard tonight! Chill out!'' She said, rolling her eyes before she hid her head behind the refrigerator's door to look inside.

 

''But Ymir, we're all underage, except you. Isn't it illegal?'' Mikasa pointed out from the living room.

 

''You don't have to drink, Mikasa. You're not even playing, anyway. Don't be a pain. You're no fun!'' she said, slightly annoyed as she sighed loudly. ''I fucking need a beer.'' She mumbled, barely audible.

 

''Somebody's got to be responsible, here. '' Mikasa answered.

 

''If the role suits you.'' Ymir said, as a response. The sound of the glass bottles hitting together was resonating in the room as she grabbed a few beers and started walking toward the table to put them down.

 

''I don't think it's a good idea for me. I'll pass.'' I said anxiously at the view of the bottle in front of my eyes. It wasn't a light beer, the percentage of alcohol on the sticker was a damn pretty good indicator.

 

''Why?'' Sasha asked curiously, a mouthful of chips.

 

''I never drank before. '' I admitted quietly.

 

''So what?''

 

''Not even a sip?'' Connie questioned in turn, rather surprised.

 

''No. Is that weird?'' I said in a small voice.

 

''Armin, I'm sure a beer won't hurt. It might even help you to relax. Trust me.'' Ymir winked at me, playfully at the end of the table as she opened her bottle. ''You too, Eren.'' She added, with a sly smile before taking the first sip.

 

I quickly looked in Eren's direction at that. We exchanged a certain look for what seemed like a whole minute. At total lost for words. I felt everything disappearing around us while we were staring at each other. The way Ymir said that was insinuating something we never thought she would bring on. I don't know if it was only my imagination but judging by Eren's reaction, it wasn't the case. We let it floated in the air and kept it quiet until it died. I was glad we were still having that telepathic ability between us. And it wasn't under the influence of anything weird, this time. It was simply our mutual understanding of each other, as I have always known.

 

As the minutes were passing by, the world seemed surprisingly lighter and easier to bear. As if someone had sucked all the stress out of my stomach and replaced it with warm and fuzzy bubbles. I even wondered why I was getting so anxious all the time. It seemed pointless at the moment. I started to understand why people were enjoying alcohol that much. They could forget for a moment. They could have a break.

 

''How are you feeling, Armin?'' Mikasa asked in a soft voice from the couch.

 

''Light.''

 

''Are you sure you don't wanna play?'' Ymir asked me for what seemed like the second time this night.

 

I told them I preferred watching them play their game, instead of being part of it. I wasn't in the mood to do silly things, nor confessing anything at all. And Eren either, apparently. To my own surprise, no one did anything too weird until now. They were playing fairly. Nothing too uncomfortable.

 

''I—'' I started unsurely. I lifted my eye to Eren as he appeared in my fuzzy vision. And I couldn't stop staring at him as he balanced slightly in the halo. Or so I thought he was. He seemed pretty unaffected by the alcohol. He already drank two beers and he was still the same Eren I knew my whole life. I was even wondering if he was drinking at all. ''Why are you moving like that?'' I asked him. I think it was the first time we spoke since we were here and I was the one breaking the glass.

 

''Huh?'' he seemed confused by my question. His mouth slightly agape with his eyebrows raised. I don’t know if he was surprised that I was talking to him or if he was lost for words at my question.

 

''Ok, I think it's enough for you.'' Jean snatched the bottle out of my hand.

 

''Hey!'' I whined a little louder than intended. Why was I acting like that? It's not that I love drinking. What's wrong with me?

 

''Armin, You're tolerance to alcohol sucks. You need to stop before it gets worst. You had enough.” Jean explained.

 

''So, Truth or dare?'' Someone said. I wasn’t sure who asked.

 

''Truth?...'' I answered without thinking twice. I wasn't even playing... why was I replying? On top of that, I wasn't even sure if the question was directed at me at all.

 

''If you had to kiss someone, who would you kiss at this table?'' Ymir bluntly asked. The sound of her voice was clearly indicating she was smirking at the question like she was hiding a diabolic plan.

 

My eyes widened automatically as I realized what she was trying to do. Without thinking, my eyes caught Eren for what felt like the million times tonight and I stared at him intensely like he could save my skin from the question. I was giving them an obvious answer by staring at him like that, though. But it was too late. When I realized everyone was looking at me, I blinked a few time before my sight fell on the table before me.

 

Oh, no.

 

''What was that?'' Ymir asked amused. She sounded funny at this point. Something was apparently funny, in any case.

 

''That's a weird question, dude. We’re all friends.'' Connie pointed out, a little uncomfortable with Ymir's sudden choice of question.

 

''No one's forcing him to answer.'' she clarified with a laugh.

 

Eren was eyeing me thoughtfully. He seemed highly uncomfortable in his chair. I could see him clutching his fists on the table. I couldn't trail my eyes higher anymore. They would know my secret.

 

Our secret.

 

''Can I ask for the dare?'' I demanded in a small voice.

 

''Let's see... hmmm. Ho, I know! You have to kiss the person on your left.''

 

My stomach fell as the words traveled to my ears. She was asking me to kiss Jean, now? WHAT!?

 

''Ymir! No way!'' Jean complained.

 

''Why not?''

 

''Because!! Stop assuming everyone is gay because you are. I'm not doing this.'' he growled, a little concerned for me.

 

''Trust me. I have an eye for that sort of thing.'' she snorted.

 

''What?! What are you insinuating, here?'' He asked with a glimpse of anger in his voice. Knowing Jean, he was getting very uncomfortable with the subject.

 

''Calm down. I'm not pointing in your direction.'' she said as she trailed her eyes back at me. I could feel her stare on my skin and I felt my heartbeat accelerated.

 

''Ymir, give Armin another dare.'' Eren started, something in his voice indicated he was trying very hard to hide his frustration. In reality, he was clearly boiling inside.

 

''So you can talk!'' she mocked him.

 

''Don't be a pain and give Armin another dare!'' he bites back way harsher, this time. Eren is short-tempered and I know how he could explode at any moment when you push your luck a little too far. Ymir was venturing on landmines by hitting on me like that in front of him.

 

''Y—yeah. Why are you harsh on Armin? We weren't even playing dirty.'' Connie pointed out. "Not like that, at least."

 

''I was just trying to prove a point. And you're proving me right by acting like that. I’m not forcing Armin to play the game if he doesn't want to. I have my answer. Thanks to you." she said to Eren with a snort.

 

''Well, don't do it in front of everyone! You're making him feel uncomfortable! And clearly, your intentions aren't really good for doing this. What's the fucking the point?!'' He said louder as he shouted her a furious glare across the table.

 

''Eren, it's ok. I can handle it." I told him as I tried my best to calm his bad temper.

 

''But Armin!...'' he growled back, his features softened as soon as our eyes met. He appeared more worried than angry now that he was only seeing me.

 

''Kiss him, already. God." Ymir snapped jokingly.

 

''Wait, what? I'm confused!''

 

''What's going on?''

 

''Ymir... What are you're trying to prove? Eren isn't—''

  
All their voices were merging together, creating a loud buzzing chorus sound in my ears. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I felt exposed without my consent like a monster in a freak show.

  
''Fuck you!!!'' Eren shouted at her as he slammed furiously his fists on the table, gritting his teeth together. Everyone went silent instantly. He pushed roughly his chair backward as he stood up before giving me a look, an apologetic expression twisting on his features. And then, he hurried outside without saying anything else, not forgetting to slam the door as he went out.

 

''Oh Eren, Come on. Don't react like this. Come back!'' Ymir said loud enough for him to hear through the screen of the window’s door.

 

''Ymir. You should learn to mind your own business.'' Mikasa said, unamused by the situation. I was surprised she was still there, after all this mess. Normally, Mikasa is the first to run after Eren whenever he feels bad. But then, her migraine was probably the reason why she stayed still.

 

''I'm lost.'' Connie said.

 

''Can someone explain what's going on?!'' Sasha asked as she was eating her potato chips anxiously.

 

''Can I talk to you in private?'' Mikasa asked Ymir as she got up and started walking toward the hallway.

 

''Fine...'' Ymir sighed.

 

I was watching Mikasa and Ymir disappearing into the corridor, sideways and I let a huge audible exhale as if I was holding my breath the whole time. ''Oh my god.'' I whispered to myself, forehead hitting the cold table's surface.

 

''Armin... Are you ok? Do you need some water?'' Sasha asked with worry in her voice.

 

''No.'' I mumbled tiredly.

 

Talk about vacations! I'm way more exhausted than when I left Shiganshina. What a joke.

 

''Can I do anything?'' Jean offered, passing a hand on my back to reassure me.

 

''I doubt it. But thanks.''

 

''Ok...'' He replied quietly, unsure what to add.

 

''I'll go check for Eren, outside.'' I finally told them, straightening myself in the chair.

 

''Be careful. I hope you can walk properly.'' Connie said jokingly, but his tone wasn’t so joyful as usual. He sounded more uncertain than anything.

 

''I'm not drunk, everyone. I'll be fine.'' I said as I stood up and tried to walk properly toward the front door like a normal person would. As if I wasn't lucky enough, I stumbled on my own two feet and fell over on a load of shoes trailing on the carpet in the entrance. I dragged the coat-peg along with me in my fall as I tried my best to keep my balance. Well, if that wasn’t embarrassing. ''I'm ok!'' I exclaimed like nothing happened at all and I got on my feet again, with what's left of my dignity.

 

They were looking at me with bewildering eyes from the table. They went all silent as they were all watching me carefully. I finally opened the door and stepped outside without saying a single word. That was the last image I saw before I managed to shut the door behind. I was all by myself in the silent exterior, all I could hear was the ripple of the river in the dark. Eren wasn't even there. I felt disappointed at the realization.

 

  
Then, something kept my attention on my left. The muffled sound of steps on cracking wood was quietly resonating through the soft hot wind. As I lifted my sight to the source of the sound, I noticed a huge treehouse built really high up a giant tree. Everything around Ymir's place was beautifully decorated. All the area was illuminated by light garlands, and I couldn’t bring myself to imagine Ymir decoring her place like this. She always appeared like the simple boyish girl to me. All this girly atmosphere wasn’t really fitting with her image. But one thing was sure, It was making it looks magical at night.

 

  
I caught a glimpse of Eren entering the treehouse and decided to approach the tree in turn. ''Eren?'' I called out, almost whispering.

 

  
There was no way he heard that.

 

  
There was a long ladder leading to the entrance and I was overcome with a weird feeling at the sight of it. My dizziness hit me again, more like vertigo, though. I started to climb the ladder, ignoring the sensation, as I tried my best to not glance down the more I climbed. The effects of the alcohol in my veins weren't helping much, I must admit.

 

  
Why this damn treehouse has to be so damn high?!

 

  
As I reached the last step, all I heard was a :

 

  
''What are you doing here!?''

 

  
''That’s my line!'' I answered back, still fighting against my shaking legs to stay still.

 

  
''I need to be alone.'' Eren explained, sighing the words exhaustingly. He leaned back against one wall as he let him slid to the floor until his butt hit the surface.

 

  
''Oh. Then, I'll leave you—''

 

  
''N—no! I don't mind you! You can stay...'' he hurried the words as if he was scared I would disappear forever in a blink of an eye.

 

  
''Alright then. '' I answered him with a shrug. We both went silent for a few seconds. The only sound remaining was the rustling leaves dancing in the wind.

 

  
''Armin... can I ask you something?'' Eren finally broke the silence. His voice soft and raspy at the same time.

 

  
''Sure.''

 

  
''Can we just pretend for a moment nothing weird happened between us?'' he asked me with expectation in his eyes.

 

  
''Are you asking me to act like nothing happened at all?'' I asked curiously. A little lost at the question.

 

  
''No!! Not like that! I mean...'' he sighed deeply before continuing. He passed a hand through his now-messy hair as he seemed unsure how to ask the following. ''Can we just stay here and act like nothing abnormal happened on this journey? Like... normal people. You know? Just you and me and nothing else.'' He trailed delicately his eyes back at me after he said that. ''As before.''

 

  
''Oh.''

 

  
''I know it's hard to deal with the situation we're in but— I would like to make it simple, tonight. Even if it won't last. Even if it lasts one night. Can we try?''

 

  
''You mean?...''

 

  
''Can we stay here and forget about the rest of the world?''

 

  
''E—Eren...'' I half whispered before I bit my lip thoughtfully.

 

  
The atmosphere was getting nostalgic around us. There was something magical in the air that night and it took my breath away as we stared at each other across the treehouse. It was forcing itself into our hearts with a blooming warming feeling. The only flaw I was encountering at the moment, was my capacity to stand on my own feet without that enerving balancing sensation.

 

  
''Are you still drunk?'' He asked me curiously.

 

  
''I'm not drunk!!'' I growled back, a little annoyed. I was conscious of what I was doing and saying, for what I know!

 

  
he laughed warmly at that. ''Whenever you say.'' he said as he shook his head slowly.

 

  
''You... you don't even seem affected by alcohol at all.'' I pointed out.

 

  
he snickered at the mention. ''It takes me more than that.'' He smiled, amused by my displeasure.

 

  
''Not fair.'' I muttered.

 

  
''Why are you so far away?'' He suddenly questioned, laughing the words a little.

 

  
''Am I?''

 

  
''Armin, you're still standing on the ladder.'' He clarified, with an amused smile. He couldn't stop his smile to grow larger on his lips, though. He had that goofy smile on his face and I couldn't help but wonder what was so funny.

 

  
''Ha— You're right. '' I admitted a little embarrassed with myself. Ok, maybe I wasn't fully aware of what I was doing, after all. BUT! I'm not drunk! Jesus!

 

  
''You're funny.'' he added with a lovely laugh.

 

  
I gulped hard, as I entered the treehouse. Something about being alone with Eren was troubling my heart to beat normally and his laugh is something I would love to die with. I want to play it on repeat.

 

  
''Do I make you feel nervous?'' He asked suddenly, as he readjusted himself straighter against the wall.

 

  
''Slightly. '' I admitted.

 

  
''I won't bit.'' he laughed.

 

  
''You did once, though.''

 

  
''Ha— shit. You got me there. I was out of control back then... Sorry.'' he said, scratching the back of his head with one hand, rather embarrassed and regretful at the memory.

 

  
''I don't really mind it, actually.''

 

  
''Uh? Really?!'' he asked really surprised.

 

  
I shrugged to that. ''I guess... I made you stop because I wasn't ready to go further. That's all.''

 

  
''Hmm.''

 

  
''Do you think Ymir would mind we're here?'' I suddenly asked, changing the subject completely.

 

  
''Who cares. She acted like an ass.''

 

  
''I don't know how she saw through me but she seems to know for us. Am I that obvious?''

 

  
''Well, it doesn't really matter. What bothered me is how she made it in front of everyone like that without our consent. It's plain wrong.''

 

  
''Yeah...'' I simply managed to say as I finally sat on the floor in front of Eren. Still, I little far away.

 

  
''Forget about Ymir. Forget about everything. All that matters right now is us.''

 

  
I looked at Eren thoughtfully at that. I was examining him deeply, in silence, as if I could see through his soul. And I started to enumerate all the things I love about him in my head, now that I could pay more attention to it. Now that we were finally alone. No ones to disturb us.

 

And I had missed it.

 

  
''What?'' he asked after a long pause, a little bit more shyly than expected. I caught a glimpse of him blushing slightly.

 

  
''Nothing. You're just—''

 

  
I started crawling toward Eren across the floor. I wanted to close the gap now and the alcohol was making its effect. I needed warmth. I needed contact. My every move seemed slower and needier than before. I felt like a total lightweight and nothing was about to stop me tonight.

 

  
''Aru? W—what are you doing?'' I saw him becoming tense as he was eyeing me crawling toward him.

 

 

''What do you want, Eren?'' I asked, stopping my trail as I sat back on the floor, closer to him this time.

 

  
''Excuse me?'' he breathlessly said, confused.

 

  
''You told me you wanted something from me this afternoon, Remember?'' I warmly replied in a deeper voice than intended.

 

  
Woah! Who's that? I sound different out of sudden.

 

  
''Oh. Yeah, of course.'' he answered me quietly.

 

  
''What is it? Tell me. I wanna know.'' I half whispered back. I was really curious to know.

 

''I thought we would've been back at this hour...'' he admitted slightly flustered by my change in behavior. He was trying to hide it, though. His eyes were looking everywhere but at me.

 

  
''We won’t leave tonight. Ymir offered us to stay.''

 

  
''I know." He muttered.

 

  
"Why? Were we supposed to be at Sasha’s cottage to do what you've planned?"

 

  
"No... not particularly. I just thought my plan had failed..."

 

  
"And why would you think that?" I asked in a playful manner. Just to catch him off guard. It was funny to see Eren reacting that way. Why not have a little fun with it, now that I was more confident with myself.

 

  
"Because— Woh! You’re super close, Armin." he exclaimed as I heard the air caught in his lungs.

 

  
"Could you make up your mind, Eren? One minute you want me close and the next you find me too close. Tell me what you want!" I laughed slightly. My body was attracted to him like a magnet, and the most pleasant realization was that I knew we weren't under any sort of influence but our deepest desires. Eren response to my behavior was making it pretty obvious as I was on my fours, half above him, a hand each side of his hips on the floor.

 

  
"It’s not that I mind but— shit. I— I can’t concentrate like this. " he explained half whispering, his eyes half-lidded at this point.

 

  
gotcha.

 

  
"Armin, I don’t want to take advantage of you..." He phrased his concerns and I was there a few inches away from his face, looking intensely down at his lips. I wanted to taste it so badly.

 

  
"It doesn’t make any sense. because I want you." I bluntly expressed, without any reserve.

 

  
I heard him gulped hard at the mention."W—wait! Armin..."

 

  
"Did I say that out loud?" My eyes widened as soon as I noticed what just flew out of my mouth. It doesn't take long before I laugh at myself. I was quite surprised by my boldness to express such things out loud in front of Eren.

 

  
"Are— are you serious? You're still under the influence of alcohol. I’m not sure it’s—"

 

  
I tilted my head to one side as I leaned in and started brushing my lips against his. I forgot what he was even asking me. I closed my eyes and let the joy overwhelming me. His familiar scent was making it hard. This scent no one else could wear but Eren. "Can... can you repeat that? I wasn’t listening." I laughed helplessly in a whisper.

 

  
"I’m trying to be a gentleman here and you’re ruining it." He laughed back softly against my mouth. His hot breath on my own.

 

  
"Maybe I want you to be the bad guy."

 

  
"Armin, It's not really what I was implying when I said that I wanted to—"

 

  
And I pressed my lips against his own to shut him up and I heard him suppressing a moan with desire. It sends a shiver right to my groin at the sound escaping his mouth. It sounded so eager and I was floating on clouds until I broke the contact to talk. "Gosh, I have missed this..." I whispered in a daze.

 

  
"Fuck, Armin..."

 

  
"Hmm?"

 

  
"Why are you so perfect? I don't deserve you." he whispered, with lust shining within his beautiful green eyes. They were darker than usual now, though.

 

  
"How should I know?" I snorted. ''I'm not perfect, though.''

 

  
''You are to me.'' He said, clasping my cheek with one hand until it traveled to the back of my neck. "I’m asking you for the last time. Are you sure you want to do this? 'Cause once you'll give me full permission, I won't be able to stop myself. I'm not sure of my capacity to stop." he explained, looking into the depth of my eyes to find his answer.

 

  
"I am."

 

  
It doesn’t take long before we switched side. My back was in turn pressed against the wooden wall and I let a loud surprised exhale escaping my mouth. It happened so fast I didn’t have the time to adjust my focus that Eren's lips were pressed back on my own. He did it so hungrily, I thought he was about to devour me whole here. He was definitely getting better at kissing and I was melting under his touch. His hands were running wild on my body until our moans were the only thing left filling the silence. I hoped no one could hear us, but at the same time, I couldn’t care less when he touched me like that. He started kissing my lobe, and then, he brushed his lips against my neck until I felt him lick the surface and started to kiss the area. His hand lowered down my pants and I lost it there. I did a sound that brings a warm laugh from Eren's mouth. His hot breath caressed my cheek as he said: "Someone’s getting excited."

 

  
"S—shut up! You’re one to taAH—"

 

  
"Sorry? I don’t understand what you’re saying." he snorted playfully, in a deep raspy voice.

 

  
"Oh. You want to play like that, uh?" I said with a wanna-be flirtatious tone.

 

  
"What? What would you do—" I cut him short in his sentence as I found the strength to turn him beneath me and his eyes flew open at the realization. "Shit! You’re stronger than I thought." he breathed.

 

  
"Don’t underestimate me." I purred with a small laugh escaping my mouth.

 

  
"It’s exciting, I give you that. But..." We rolled once again onto the floor until he held me down at his turn. We were now on the large carpet facing the futon, which was definitely more comfortable. He was smirking wildly at me as he was holding firmly my wrists above my head against the floor. ''Not tonight.'' he purred as he was back at kissing me intensely. He released my wrists at some point and I enrolled my arms around his neck. I felt myself lift the ground for an instant until I met another wall, his grasp on both my thighs, my legs around his middle as he pressed me further against the surface. We heard the sound of a furniture crashing onto the ground and It both made us laugh.

 

  
"You’re getting rough." I murmured amused between two kisses.

 

  
"I thought you wanted me to be the bad guy." He breathed playfully against my lips.

 

  
"Just don’t break the treehouse or we’ll die!"

 

  
"Rogers."

 

  
He eased his hands under my shirt as I held his face in my hands to deepen the kiss. I shivered at his palms caressing me beneath my shirt as I tasted every part of Eren’s mouth until he broke the contact. He impatiently took my shirt off as it fell to the floor with a soft muttered sound. He was eyeing me intensely and I felt extremely exposed to his eyes. We were both panting with desire into the silence surrounding us. The dimmer lighting of the white light garlands hanging around the treehouse was making the scene so romantic.

 

  
"What?" I asked him, unsure.

 

  
"You’re beautiful..." he whispered between two soft breathes.

 

  
"You seems surprised."

 

  
"You’re more muscular than I thought." he snorted quietly, with a small blush.

 

  
"Is that a good thing?"

 

  
He quickly started kissing my collarbone and I took it as a yes. I started to feel pretty much sober by the minutes. And as I was now facing the entrance over Eren shoulder, I started to worry that someone would come up here and see us in this condition. "Eren?"

 

  
"Hmm?"

 

  
"What if someone climbs up here and see us?"

 

  
"You started it."

 

  
"I know but—"

 

  
"Armin... Just for tonight. Remember? Focus on me." He half begged me. It took me by surprise to see the look in his eyes. They were so wide and needy. Almost like they were pleading me. Almost like he couldn't believe I was currently there with him, holding me like he does. Like if I would dissipate in a flash. He was eyeing me like I was his dream and it made me realized how deep our bond was.

 

  
"ok." I murmured back. That's all I managed to say. And I saw his eyes darkening in a split of a second. I wanted this as badly as him. I'm not fighting it.

 

  
The next thing I knew is that we fell on the futon, bare skin against each other as I have taken care of removing Eren's shirt before we laid down. I was there now with him, and I was in love with him. The time was nothing. We were kings of our own universe. Nothing changed, except that we were openly assumed now. Now that we were ready to take our bond higher until it rewrites the sky. And it felt right. When he started to lower himself to trail kisses all the way down my body, I noticed for the first time the window on the roof facing the stars. It was such a beautiful sight. I felt at peace here under the starry night. There's something about observing the stars that could calm me down every time.

 

  
I felt Eren undoing my pants and I gasped as I felt his hand around me. Wait! "Oh my god." Ok, it wasn’t his hand anymore.

 

  
Definitely not!!

 

  
The sensation was nothing compared to what I'm able to do with myself. I couldn't focus on anything else anymore. It was impossible to ignore the warmth of his mouth pleasuring me. I gave up fighting against it as I tried to relax to let Eren doing what he wanted to do with me entirely. ''Oh god.'' I breathed, powerless, hiding my face in my hands as I tried to mutter my noises. It wasn't that easy!

 

  
''Don't hold it. Let me hear you.''

 

  
''But—! Ahhh...Hmm.''

 

  
''I love when you're making noises like that.''

 

  
I blushed a deep red when I heard him admitting that out loud so easily. I was feverish, my whole body was on fire, at this point. His hair was messed up when I glanced down at him. I think I'm the cause. He was dangerously looking at me as if I was a piece of meat, like a wild animal watching his prey. It did nothing but raising my heat up at the sight of him staring at me that way.

 

  
What a bestial feeling eating us up inside.

 

  
I was grabbing the futon material with such a force as he went back at it, I started to see stars even with my eyes shut. ''Eren... I'm going to—'' I tried to warn him but he wasn't stopping what he was doing. I even think he accelerated his movement at my words. And... I felt the electricity running down my entire body and my vision went to black for a moment. The world stopped spinning and I felt myself tensing until I relaxed completely. I came into his mouth and I was surprised to catch the look of satisfaction in his eyes. He was pleased to have brought such a pleasure out of me. I saw him swallowing the whole thing before he spoke. ''You're so beautiful.''

 

  
''Eren, I'm probably a mess right now. What are you talking about?'' I said, breathlessly. All I could do was panting loudly and tiredly.

 

  
''I'm not done with you, yet.''

 

  
''You—!!'' He grabbed my tights and pulled me up to his pelvis. He removed my pants entirely and threw them away across the floor with a serious look. He was gone miles away by now by the look in his eyes. ''What are you—'' He cut me short as he leaned in to be on top of me. His hands each side of my head with my legs spread each side of his middle. He leaned in, ghosting his lips across my neck before he bit the area delicately. I let out a small cry to the contact.

 

  
''I fucking love it when you do that.'' he purred into my ear, with a deep sensual voice. It sends a shiver down my spine at the sound vibrating.

 

  
''Can we really do this?'' I murmured, unsure and excited all at once.

 

  
''Only if you allow me to.'' he said, before kissing my jaw tenderly.

 

  
''It won't be fair if I let you in pain like that.'' I half whispered as I kissed his cheek and started to rub the material of his pants beneath my palm. ''You must be uncomfortable.'' I added as I reached for his fly and slid it down. I felt him squirm under my touch the minute my fingers touched his bare skin underneath his boxer and I felt a satisfying sensation overwhelming me whole.

 

"Fuck." He growled hungrily in a breath against my neck, with hot speedy puffs. He pulled his pants and boxer down his tights and took a firm hold of my booty with one hand and I huffed of pleasure to the sensation.

 

  
''I don't want to hurt you...'' He said softly until he leaned back enough to see me properly. ''I never did that before, you know.'' he added, unsurely this time.

 

"Me either." I replied, sliding my fingers into his hair. "But if it’s you... It’s alright"

 

He stared at me with so many emotions passing behind his eyes. He appeared conflicted and uncertain, at the moment. He seemed fragile even. "You are my sunshine." He lovely whispered with teary eyes.

 

"What?" I murmured.

 

"I can’t believe I finally reached the sun." He murmured with a soft warm smile."I chased you all my life, Armin. Without knowing it. It's you I always needed the most." he added with a tear growing on his cheek.

 

"E—Eren..."

 

"You don’t know what is like to see in bright colors for the first time. You always had it in you, naturally." he laughed in soft small breaths.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"You’re driving my soul. You always had." he said with his throat barely sobbing in love.

 

I blinked confused by his confession. I think I even started to tear up myself, unconsciously. I felt him opening his heart and his soft words were making my heart blooming with joy. I felt the butterflies in my stomach when I finally understood how important I was in Eren’s life. His choice of words for the latter part couldn’t stop replaying in my head. Again and again.

 

'You’re driving my soul.'

 

"Eren... I want you to make one with me." I said softly, wiping out his tears with my thumbs.

 

  
''But— What if I hurt you?''

 

  
''You won't. I trust you. I always had. Remember?''

 

  
''I don't know if I can—''

 

  
''Eren, I know you can and I know how we both want it. I think it's the right thing to do. You were right. We need to succumb to this attraction once for all. I feel it. I'm ready.'' I admitted with all sincerity, an authentic smile on my lips. I spread my legs wider for him and his eyes widened at the same time. I started preparing myself for him. I started fingering myself before him. I wanted to make one with him. I was sure of it now.

 

  
  
"That side of yours..." he smirked at me with a breathless laugh. "What a surprise."

 

 

"Talk for yourself."

 

 

''Let me taking charge of it for you.''

 

   
For the first time in my life, I felt like I reached the stars. I wasn't only contemplating it. I could touch it if I close my eyes. I felt closer to the sky up here with Eren and I couldn't believe how good it felt to be near him intimately. As if our horizons merged, allowing us to collide after so many years. My sky was different now that he was right there with me, touching me like I have always dreamed of. The stars were brighter tonight with the sound of our hearts beating in unison. When I was ready to welcome him, to deepen our bond once for all, it felt amazing. All I have ever wished. All I have ever repressed... was right in front of me. Right into me. I have never been this high before, I was lifting from the futon as he held me up to his tights. Eren was rocking his hips slowly and I was following his every move on top of him. We were in synch. We were finally merging together and I couldn't stop this heat to raise. I was burning for him. I was burning with him. As if his fire was consuming me wholly from inside while I was lost in his bright eyes. We were like two complete messes who found their way into each other and he was surprisingly soft with me, even though I knew deep down that he was doing it for my sake. He was clearly holding back his thirst. I was grateful to see him trying his best to stay under control. It was our first time after all. I wanted to remember this moment forever, to cherish every second of it. It felt different than what I have ever imagined. It was better than what I have ever expected. We were both piercing each other's soul as we were filled with nothing else but love and pleasure. Then, without warning, our connection deepened even more and I couldn't express the immensity of it. But I felt like there was something deeply anchored between us. The veil was lifted for an instant, accompanied by an electric sensation running on my skin. On both our bodies. I think I even saw Eren's eyes glowing for an instance under the bright moonlight. We started to remember. We started to accelerate our movements eagerly. We felt awoke for the first time in forever. Something within me was changing and replaced with strange memories. I felt unlike myself at the moment. Someone else was taking possession of me. Except that...

 

 

It was also me.

 

 

We came almost at the same time and I felt at peace in his arms. Eren was holding me so tight as if he was hugging me for the first time in a thousand years. The next thing I knew is that we were laying next to each other on the small futon, facing each other.

 

  
''Thank you.'' I murmured with a small smile.

 

  
''For what?'' he also murmured, scared to break the atmosphere.

 

  
''Thank you for being so careful with me.''

 

  
''I should be the one thanking you, Armin.''

 

 

I blinked to that, hoping he could light me up a little more.

 

  
''I must be blessed to have you by my side. To even touch you like you allow me. To hold you close to me. I never thought possible that I could be loved like you do.'' he laughed in a murmur.

 

  
''Stop saying that.''

 

  
''You are a light in my poor existence, Armin. I can't even come to imagine my life without you. It would be pretty empty and sad. Every time I think about it... all my demons try to suffocate me. Why are you so good to me? You had always blindly followed me no matter how stupid I can act. I would like to see... how you see me. I don't see what is in me that could interest you. I'm just an empty guy inside... with no real ambitions.''

 

  
''Don't say that. You always have been there for me, Eren. When I needed you the most. I devoted my heart to you. Only you. I entrusted all I had to you. All I've ever wanted was to be by your side.'' I explained.

 

  
''I don't want to lose you ever again,'' he said, taking one hand in both his hands. ''I don't want to live this hell ever again!'' he added, his eyes watering.

 

  
''I gave my life to you. I gave you everything. Even my dreams. It always has been you all along. I did it because I always believed in you, always trusted you no matter what. I wanted to see the whole world with you by my side.''

 

  
''And what was left inside me was only hate and revenge. You always have been different, Armin. I always knew it. You’ll never cease to amaze me.'' he said, kissing my hand.

 

We both went silent for a moment. Our silence was so comfortable. We were both exhausted at this point. Our eyes were heavy. We experienced a whole range of emotions tonight and we were both about to fall asleep without noticing. 

 

  
''Whose memories could these be?'' Eren whispered in a tired raspy voice.

 

  
''Huh?'' I barely expressed.

 

  
''Nothing.''

 

And We fell asleep next to each other in a warm embrace.

 

 


	16. Cursed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear followers! I'm so sorry for the huge delay since my last update. I didn't let you down, I'm just dealing with a lot of things. Not always easy to update that often. If you're still on the ship with me, thank you! I'm doing it for y'all and you all make me happy. I would have loved reading more from you though, I love reading comments but it seems to lack lately, unfortunately. At least I receive your support through your kudos. :)
> 
> I'm trying my best to keep you on this journey with me. And I hope you still enjoying it. I'll try to wrap the story soon. I don't know how many chapters it would take to get me there but I feel it's near.
> 
> It's still in Armin's POV. And there's a lot of Ymir character development in this chapter. 
> 
> See you all next time! ~
> 
>  
> 
> Ps: if you want you can follow me on my eremin instagram : kiss.the.sun.at.night

The first two things I noticed when I cracked my eyes open the following day, were the soft blue natural light filling the room and the cozy blanket covering my body. It was very early in the morning, the birds were singing their first melody and the air was cooler than I wished for, but the warmth underneath the cover was compensating for it. I was facing a new ceiling again, and couldn’t quite remember where I was at first glance.

  
I don’t remember I fell asleep with a blanket...

  
Eren’s smell.

  
Eren...

  
''Eren!?'' I exclaimed as reality regained my senses. My eyes flew open as panic hit my stomach, realizing with disappointment that Eren was missing on the futon. My voice died instantaneously in the desolated space without any answers back. I sat straight, noticing I was completely by myself in the treehouse. The morning air was running like needles on my bare skin as the cover slid down my shoulders, freeing all the warmth beneath. The roughness of the movement caused my butt to ache as the hangover sensation was starting to be felt to the amount of daylight entering in contact with my eyes. It didn't take long before the memories of yesterday were coming back to me all at once and I started to feel a little flustered by that. I couldn’t come to realize we actually did it. I could still feel my neck slightly sensible where Eren left his mark. I shivered as my fingertips ghosted delicately the area.

 

''Definitely not a dream.'' I said to myself in a whisper. ''I don’t remember he bit me that hard, though… " I added. That bruise was certainly apparent and everyone would probably notice but I guess it’s too late to care for that. Ymir must have told them everything at this rate. Who could oversee it? No one.

 

I give up. I have to face it. I have to come out.

 

A weight finally lifted me as I exhaled the lump resting in my throat and rubbed my eyes to erase what was left of tiredness off my face. That’s when I heard something fall like paper onto the floor after I felt it slid down delicately against the clothing material. It made me blink as I lowered my eyes to its source.

 

  
A letter?

 

  
I recognized Eren’s handwriting right away, regardless the obviousness of that nickname written on the top of the page. There was no doubt it was his.

 

  
_**Hey sunshine,** _

_**I would have loved waking up with you, But I couldn’t sleep any longer. No need to follow me. I’ll come back to you.** _

_**Btw, you’re the cutest thing when you sleep. I know you don’t like being called that but this is the truth. I’m too stubborn to give up this fight. I wanted you to know. Forgive me.** _

_**I love you, always did and always will.** _

_**To you in 2000 years.** _

_**-Eren** _

  
''You’re such a dork, Eren.'' I murmured to myself with a tender smile. But it fell drastically when I realized that he was gone just like that. He didn't explain why he left at all. What does it mean? Where the hell are you? How can you leave me like this? You— You always did that, didn’t you?

 

  
The realization made me smile bitterly as I was re-reading the words on the paper in my hand. This familiar feeling. It was boiling into me as the similitude filled my memories. I could remember all the past few times this kind of scenario happened. All these past few times Eren was missing by my side, Leaving Mikasa and I behind. Eren always has been wilder than the wind. That wasn’t a secret. That always has been his nature. That’s how things were back then.

 

I shouldn’t be surprised. That’s how it always ended with Eren. No one could ever keep him still.

 

  
Not even me.

 

  
But this time… this time it was different. It was different because we were reborn into this world. And things were not the same here. There was no titans, no war. We were simply… us. Regular teenagers. Am I right? The Eren I know always has been by my side and, more importantly, he was freer and happier than I ever recalling him. And the simple thought makes me want to cry as if I was constating it for the very first time. As if I was unblinded.

 

Is that a second chance?

 

  
_**'We’ll meet again. To you in 2000 years.'** _

 

  
''Of course…'' I whispered with my eyes widening with realization. And it hit me like a train. The last few words Eren wrote on this piece of paper, were the exact same words I used in the past. They were the words I tried to cling to. The same words echoing from the bottom of my broken heart in my worst nightmares. After everything got messy and hopeless. After we lost it and forgot who we truly were. Those words were the ones I used as a farewell to the journal. The farewell to all we always knew and cherished. To a new day. Wishing desperately to rewrite the story one day with hope in the end. I remember writing it, now. This blurry memory of me in Eren’s jail cell, writing. Listening to him talking about ancestor's memories and the origin of the Titans. What a bad memory it is. We all felt cold in our hearts at this point. We knew everything was about to change. We knew our lives were shortened and we couldn't do anything about it. Even now that I remember most of my past, my body is still trying to fight against something in my mind. I cannot say what. As if a piece was still missing in my brain. What happened to us? I’m not so sure. The line between my past self and my present self, are starting to merge together. Enough that I can barely tell them apart anymore. My thoughts are pretty much all over the place. It’s so damn confusing!

 

 

But… how does Eren know those words? I never told them to anyone... I'm sure of it.

 

  
The fact that Everyone was reunited here in this forest wasn’t a coincidence after all. It was starting to make more sense. This had to happen. I don’t know how but… it worked. All our paths were due to be crossed. We were destined to be here together in the same spot. We were all destined to be reborn. We were all influenced. Were we? I don’t know if I should feel satisfied or saddened by this realization. This weird feeling of being manipulated by the past. Were all those years nothing but forced into us?

 

  
Were we not completely free, yet?

 

  
No. It’s not like that. Being reunited one more time is what we all wanted deep down. There’s simply no such thing as absolute freedom. We had learned it years ago. But one thing is. Love. And love can’t be denied nor controlled. And Love is the strongest and freest thing that I know. It found us and traveled in time. All we lost... was reborn.

 

I’m stupid. What was I thinking? Of course, Nothing can control feelings. I should have never doubt Eren on that. But... If my feelings toward him never truly died over all those years, then… Does this mean… Eren truly loved me all along too in the past?

 

I felt my heart warmed up at the simple thought. I couldn’t easily verbalize these feelings for Eren back in the days, but it was definitely something deeper than deep for me. Yet, I had pretty confusing thoughts of Eren. Maybe I wasn’t really convinced at the time. if it was even worth the risk at all. I couldn’t stand to have another weakness, even if it was already the case here. Eren was a weakness of mine. I was already caged by those feelings hunting me every single night. Nothing really changed when I put it that way. I’m always the one who hides the real nature of my feelings in the end. I always have been truly grateful to found Eren being there for me when no one else was. We were extremely close to each other, like any others. We shared everything and went into so many messes together all our lives.

 

I can feel my body trying to remember specific souvenirs, but quite failing at it. Maybe I don't truly want to remember everything. Maybe that's why. Maybe my mind knows what’s better to ignore. All I know is one day something changed drastically. And on that day, my hopes were crushed. And my heart along the rest. More than I ever thought it would. It’s not that I was expecting something from Eren. That, I was prepared. I was prepared to overcome this selfish side of me. But... seeing everything changing without warning, was pretty damn painful to live. It was a little too late to change the events. What was done, was done. and moving on was our only good option. But sometimes I was wrong in my judgments. Eren proved me wrong in the past, taking me off guard multiple time when I wasn’t expecting anything from him. It got me even more confused with my feelings. The truth is... there was something more to see between us. But, in the end, we were both cursed. What was left to us? It was all a matter of throwing our humanity away to bring a change. And nothing never have been truly the same again. Not really. Maybe... deep down. I don't know.

 

I can’t believe I witnessed such a life. How can I still be sane even now knowing this? It was a damn nightmare...

 

Suddenly, I felt my eyes tearing up and everything around me started to blur until I couldn't see anything but my tears. I couldn’t stop them from falling, those hot tears were running wild on my cheeks. But they felt good. They were a liberator. And then… It stopped. Just like that. I couldn’t control my body. My past was taking over. So many emotions were surfacing in my heart. Warmth, cold, sadness, joy. My heart was torn. My feelings mixed. I was in love and in pain.

 

As a sacrifice to be reborn, our memories must have been erased and life allowed us to meet again, as we always wished for better days. That thread connecting us. That strange connection between Eren and I. Was it all due to our inner wishes? That promise we kept close to our heart when we were kids And those when everything fell apart when we were soldiers standing shoulder to shoulder? We almost grew up together… and all this time… we ignored that It was an act of faith. A second chance. A peace of mind. Maybe Hanji was right. Maybe Eren and I have something unsolved between us and the only way to pass over it is to actually succumb to that desire once for all.

 

  
Mikasa, Sasha, Jean, Connie, Ymir... don’t they have a clue? Why Eren and I seem to be the only ones remembering the past? I need to approach the subject to them sooner or later.

 

  
But first… I need to put clothes on.

 

  
In my attempt to get out of the futon, and with my lack of experience, I quickly regretted my decision. I got up too fast and fell to the ground, unable to stand for a moment. And I understood that I was going to have a hard time to walk normally today. ''Great! How Am I supposed to get down here?'' I sighed, slightly ashamed. '' ...How Am I supposed to act in front of everyone now?'' I laughed, defeated. ''Perfect.'' I said sarcastically.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 As soon my feet reached the ground, I slowly turned around to find Ymir sitting alone under a huge oak tree nearby the cottage. ''Good morning.'' She said loud enough with a small wave, a cigarette in her other hand. The chilling breeze gently whistling between us, as the sun was slowly rising up in the blue sky.

 

  
''You’re already up? It’s early.'' I said as I kept walking toward her, trying my best to not look too suspicious in my walk. It wasn’t so easy to hide the expression twisting on my face. If only Eren and I had done it a little more prepared last night. But the heat of the moment took advantage of the situation. Next time I swear, I’ll be more ready than that.

 

  
Just thinking of a next time do weird things to me. Am I even allowed to? Why am I saying this? Of course... well, I hope.

 

  
''I couldn’t sleep any longer…'' She finally answered tiredly with a quick shrug before she threw me a dangerous suggestive glance. ''So, you had a wonderful night?''

 

  
Oh no. Did she see through me?

 

  
''W–well… y—yes. Why ask?'' I stuttered accompanied by a nervous laugh, suddenly uncomfortable by her sudden change in behavior. Those eyes were reading me like an open book, I was certain of that. How does she do that? Am I that transparent? Did Eren write 'We did it!' on my forehead with a Sharpie without my consent or something? Spending the night together is one thing but nothing is truly implying we did it… right? It’s not the first time I spend the night alone with Eren after all. Holly Molly! Why am I getting so nervous!? Armin, just assume it already! Just go with it! You can do it.

 

  
''Sorry for having acted like an asshole yesterday. I was just… I was a little upset for some reasons.'' she said, filling the silence settled before inhaling a deep puff of her cigarette. And she looked away.

 

  
''You were upset?...'' I asked curiously, her apologies took me off guard. My posture changed for something smoother and rather intrigued. She was looking at the river with a sad expression on her face. Her eyes lost in the perpetual moving water as if she was remembering something painful to talk about. And she released the smoke slowly in a soft exhale.

 

  
''It makes me sick to see people having what they want but being too afraid to take a chance. And you— you kind of reminds me of someone. Kinda.'' she explained with a frown very apparent. She seemed frustrated with something. I could easily tell that it wasn’t my fault but something personal emerging in her mind.

 

  
''...I remind you of someone?''

 

  
''This cottage isn’t mine. I rent it from the Reiss family. Well… they don’t particularly know about that, though.'' she added, ignoring the confusion growing on my face.

 

  
''Wait, Reiss? Like Historia Reiss?''

 

  
''Yes... Why? Surprised?''

 

  
''No. It’s just...'' I lowered my eyes to the ground and realized something completely unimportant. ''That actually explains the decoration.'' I murmured into a soft laugh. All this girly decoration was obviously matching with Historia. It was making more sense now.

 

  
''What did you say?'' she asked unsurely. She clearly didn’t get what I just say. But it wasn't really my intention to let her hear it.

 

  
''No. Nothing.''

  
She simply shrugged loosely and decided to let it slide. She seemed much more tired now that I was two feet away from her. She was clearly lacking sleep by the look of the black circles digging under her eyes. ''Sit. I won’t bite,'' she said while patting the spot beside her in the grass. ''Where’s Eren?'' she asked next and the sound of his name on her tongue sent a shiver down my spine without warning.

 

  
''Not so sure. When I woke up he was already gone. He just left me a note. He doesn’t say a lot, though.'' I said while sliding my hand into the pocket of my pants where I kept the letter safe, just to be sure It was still there.

 

  
''Something happened?''

 

  
''Well…'' For some reasons, I stopped talking at that. Unable to place a single word. I was looking down at her unsurely. I wasn't sure what to answer to that question. Ymir clearly noticed I was uncomfortable standing there. And she was definitely aware of my relationship with Eren, so I wasn’t so sure what she was asking me exactly here.

 

  
''I know you both fucked in the treehouse.'' She said bluntly with a playful snort.

 

''Ymir!! Wha— keep it down, please! Oh, my god.'' My voice cracked with embarrassment by the end of my sentence. I was hiding my face in my hands as If I could hide from the rest of the world like that. I just felt my body benching over and falling on my knees, to the ground. I wanted to disappear. Why am I so uncomfortable to talk about it? Why can I not simply act normally?

 

''Armin, you have a deep bite on your neck and you’re walking like some constipated guy. I’m not that stupid, are you aware of that?'' she laughed even more at that.

 

I quickly hid the bite by reflex behind my hand and I felt my cheeks reddening in flash of seconds, giving me a reminder of my light hangover aftereffect headache. My head was aching even more now that all my blood was all sucked there.

 

"You better have kept it clean or Historia is going to kill me." she added.

 

  
"I don’t think we broke anything…" I trailed off weakly.

 

  
"Broke?... HA! You wild naughty bastard." she laughed, amused.

 

  
''SHH! Please. Keep it down. You’ll wake up everyone.'' I half murmured to her.

 

  
''Armin. They know.''

 

  
''Oh.'' That’s all I managed to say. I did an ugly unwanted sound which made Ymir laugh even louder. I felt so small all of sudden. I wanted to be smaller to disappear into dust. Where my confidence goes? Do I even have a glimpse of that thing in me?

 

Hello?!

 

''You know what was funny? Connie’s reaction to the situation. When he went to look if both of you were fine, he heard you. When he came back he told us and then that’s how everyone knows now. His face was priceless. You should have seen it! Haha!''

 

  
''Ok. That’s embarrassing.''

 

  
''But not surprising. To be honest, He was the only one never seeing that coming.''

 

  
''What do you mean by it’s not a surprise?''

 

  
''Oh please, There always had a rumor circulating on you and Eren.''

 

  
''R–really?!?''

 

  
''Oh boy. You’re late on the gossip. I’m surprised no one asked you directly.''

 

  
''I won’t be able to look them in the eyes now.'' I muttered with an annoying sound of exasperation. It is worse than coming out! Being caught in action is way more uncomfortable than words.

 

  
''Why?''

 

  
''Because...everything!!''

 

  
''Armin. They won’t hate you because of that. You have good friends around you. All of them are understandable. They wouldn’t stick around me if they were disgusted by that kind of things. Don’t you think? Plus, they seemed all pretty aware already for you. Except for Eren… they weren’t sure he was swinging that way. I personally had a feeling.''

 

  
''He didn’t know either.'' I half whispered with a small laugh. ''It came as a surprise even for me.''

 

  
''He never seemed like the type of guy who would fall for someone in my opinion. This guy is a loner like me. But… around you, he acts differently. I even think you make him feel better about himself, Armin.''

 

  
''If you say so…''

 

  
''Of course... I know,'' she said, half whispering as if she was remembering a moment of her past. ''I know.'' or someone…

 

  
''You and Historia… are you in a– ?''

 

  
''It’s complicated.'' she admitted abruptly with a loud sigh, throwing what was left of her cigarette on the pavement with such frustration. Her attitude changed so drastically, It made me jump slightly.

 

 

''Sorry… I shouldn’t have asked. It’s not really my business.'' I said while looking at her sideways. I could perceive she was reluctant to abord the subject I was venturing on.

 

 

''We’re having a secret affair.'' she continued, without doubt, this time. She appeared more decided to talk openly to me as if she needed to release the weight in her heart once for all. Like she had hidden something for far too long inside. A battle no one else could have witnessed but her. She wasn’t looking at me at all. Her sight was still on the river and she became really serious. She needed to talk. It was evident now that I was paying more attention to her features.

 

 

''Oh.'' I simply answered, waiting carefully for what will follow next. I sat beside her on the ground, our backs against the oak tree as we were both contemplating the grass dancing in the wind. Side by side, on the same level. I wanted her to know I was there if she needed to open up to me. She hasn't to be alone in this and I wanted her to feel that way. ''I see...''

 

  
''She’s afraid to be herself, Armin. She hides me from her family. She’s even dating someone else. A guy called Reiner. Her parents love the guy. And I’m just there being a trash. Being nothing but a second choice.''

 

  
''Reiner Braun!? The football player of our school?''

 

  
''We’re not belonging in the same world. What I am, uh? A poor girl without any future. It’s not like I have any purpose in life. I can’t afford her a bright future like him.''

 

  
''Don’t say that.''

 

  
''It’s the shitty the truth. We’re way too different. I’m just daydreaming while it lasts. Don’t tell anybody. I don’t even know why I’m saying all this to you. If you talk... I’ll lose it all. So, you better not!'' she said desperately with pain glowing in her eyes. I could feel her fears taking over her. they were twisting in her face. Ymir always appeared strong and in control of herself in my eyes. But now, it was a completely different Ymir I was looking at.

 

  
''I promise I won’t but… Ymir... your differences shouldn't be a problem. Eren and I are very different on so many levels too and it never stopped us to love each other. I’m sure Historia thinks the same thing… she’s probably just dealing with her insecurities.''

 

  
''But the difference is that you and Eren are close since you’re in primary school. You may be different from him but you are in his life for years now and no ones never questioned anything because you belong in his life, Armin. He’s your best friend, it’s far easier for you to built something from there. Historia is living on another planet. She’s leaving in a palace and want to study hard to become a nurse. I’m currently homeless, I’m leaving here simply because she allowed me to. I ran away from my host family and she decided to hide me here to help me. Plus, I suck at school. Can you picture me in her lifestyle? No! We’re not belonging together it’s evident.''

 

  
''But Ymir... It’s unhealthy... You can't go on like this.''

 

  
''I know that! Don’t lecture me. I just can’t stop! It’s too late to stop! I know it’s bad but… I love her so much. I can’t let her go. And I don’t want to. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking of her with somebody else and it drives me nuts! Just Thinking of someone else touching her… I feel uneasy!''

 

  
''I’m… worried for you. Historia can’t play with your feelings like this forever. If she truly loves you… she’ll do anything for your sake.''

 

  
''I wish I could believe in the words you say, Armin. I really do. I— I just can’t. I don’t see how we gonna make it works. It's complicated.''

 

  
''Love should be enough to fight for.''

 

  
After I said that, Ymir looked at me differently. As if I had woken up something in her. As if I was the sun casting away all her dark clouds. And she frowned. ''How can you be so wise and positive, yet still not be able to apply it for yourself?'' she asked.

 

  
''Well... I try. It’s the best I can do. It’s not that I don’t want to make a change. It’s just so different, yet the same with Eren. He is my best friend. It’s a scary step to take, Ymir. I’m scared to reach cloud nine to finally falling hard from there. I'm just full of fears, even though I know what's the best to do. Deep down I know… I know our feelings are genuine. So, I’m not scared of that.''

 

  
''Hmm.'' she laughed thoughtfully. ''I hope Eren is aware that he found a pearl in a seashell.''

 

  
''Uh?''

 

  
''I’m jealous. I wish Historia could think the same as you.''

 

  
''I’m sure she does.''

 

  
''The curse of Ymir...'' she snorted. ''That should be the title of my life.''

 

  
''Where did you heard of that?!'' I exclaimed by surprise. I think I even gasped a little.

 

  
''Scuse me?''

 

  
''How do you know?!'' I turned around to look her properly in her eyes. Mines were probably wide open judging by the look in hers.

 

  
''Ok now you’re acting weird, Armin.'' she said with bewildering eyes.

 

  
''You just say the curse of Ymir! You– you can remember too?!''

 

  
''What the fuck are you talking about?'' she answered, annoyed. She seemed uncomfortable by our proximity. It was true that I was a little too close to her now that I was realizing it. But I couldn't help the curiosity in me. I stepped back from her to let her take a breath.

 

  
''Ho— ah. N—Nothing. I just thought that… nevermind. Sorry.'' I looked away, shamefully. I really thought she remembered for a second.

 

  
''Armin?...''

 

  
''I need to go.'' I rushed the words as I stood up at the same time and started to walk away from the oak tree.

 

  
''Huh? Where are you going? Wait! What was that?''

 

  
''I just thought you remembered your past life for a moment. That’s all.'' I explained, stopping in my trail. I was standing back at her. The sun was bright in the sky now. I could feel the hot rays on my neck.

 

  
''My past life...''

 

  
''I don’t make any sense, I know. Sorry.'' I said, half whispering. And I started to move away once again. Swallowing what was left of saliva in my now dry throat. She will think I'm a total creep.

 

  
''Oh, no. Not you too. Armin…'' she said breathlessly. And her words made me stop abruptly in my walk. I couldn't move anymore. I froze in place. ''Have you been in contact with the river?'' she added with such insecurity in her voice.

 

  
''Huh?!'' I turned around to look in her direction. I wasn’t sure where that question was coming from but, by the look in her eyes, she seemed panicked and concerned. She appeared very white now. As if someone removed all the colors from her face.

 

  
''Do you have visions?'' she asked next.

 

  
''So, you do know…''

 

  
''Me who thought It was complete bullshit…'' she muttered angrily, clearly unpleased by my answer.

 

  
''Wait, what does the river have to do with my visions?'' I asked, fully intrigued by the turn of events. Ymir went silent for a moment. She seemed unsure how to explain the following without sounding unconvinced by what she was about to announce me.

 

  
''There’s something living in the water, apparently. It flows with all kind of memories. That’s why they are called the rivers of memories. Historia told me about that two weeks ago.''

 

  
''The river of memories?…''

 

  
''Yes. You have to be submerged in it completely to feel it’s effect. The Reiss family were apparently the pillar of the age of titans. So, this place is important to them. They believe in the theory of the founding titan still living through the rivers.''

 

  
''The found--''

 

  
''Did you swim in it?'' She accidentally cut me short.

 

  
''Now that You mention it… Eren and I felt in the river once…'' I admitted.

 

  
''I never heard of Ymir’s curse... Is that really a thing?'' she asked, ignoring completely my answer. I feel like she was perturbed and wasn't able to focus at all. It's not really surprising, I must admit.

 

  
''It is. Whoever inherits titan powers see their life shortened within 13 years. That’s the curse of Ymir.''

 

  
''Well shit...''

 

  
''Yeah… sorry. It’s sudden—''

 

  
''You’re trolling me! Right?''

 

  
''I’m afraid I’m not…''

 

  
'' You’re all crazy!!''

 

  
''Y—ymir…?''

 

  
''No. It’s just… It’s just so fucking creepy to think that Nothing changed. If it's the truth, then my name is cursed. That’s fucked up! Why am I called by that shitty name?!''

 

  
''I don’t even know if I ever knew the answer to that question.''

 

  
''So, I was implied into this. Does… Historia knows? Actually, don’t answer that. I was just thinking out loud.''

 

  
''Did you teste it? The river?''

 

  
''… I did. Yesterday.''

 

  
''And… did something happen?''

 

  
''I was a titan, wasn’t I, Armin?''

 

  
''Yes... sorry.''

 

  
''It explains the nightmare I had last night. I can't believe it...''

 

  
''It all started with nightmares with me too.''

 

  
''Do you remember everything?''

 

  
''Since last night… I do. Not every detail yet. But, almost. It’s weird... I feel my past self's presence into me. It’s unlike anything I know... it’s almost like if someone else was living within my head. Except that… it’s me. A different me...''

 

 

''Since last night, uh?'' she pointed out, wiggling her eyebrows.

 

  
''Oh. Ah... that. Hmm. I think it's because of—''

 

  
''No need to dig deeper. I get it.'' she said with a suggestive smile. So I nodded and looked away.

 

  
''I never quite understood why Eren and I were so connected together since we're here. It’s so surreal and it keeps getting worst.''

 

  
''Don't you have any clues?''

 

  
''Well, I think... but nothing is sure.''

 

  
''Historia informed me that only the successors of the titan's abilities could feel the effects of the river.''

 

  
''Is that why you couldn’t sleep well, Ymir?'' I asked and she looked at me at that. Maybe because she was surprised I noticed her lack of sleep. Even though it was evident all over her face. She's probably not aware of that. She probably didn't cross a mirror this morning.

 

  
''Yeah... Part of it. I don’t know what happened exactly in the past but there’s certainly something in the deep of the ocean flowing through the rivers. I thought I was going crazy when I woke up in sweat and tears. Now, I'm scared to even close my eyes. To sleep. It's fucking insane. I don't want this. I don't want to know. I want it to stop.''

 

  
''There's still something I don't get. If the rivers cause the awakening of the titan's shifters memories… Why are Eren and I reacting weirdly everytime we— Nevermind. That’s a strange thing to point out.''

 

  
''Wasn’t Eren the founding titan?''

 

  
''Yeah?...''

 

  
''Then, wonder no more. He probably has some kind of effect on you.''

 

  
''Wait… How do you know about that?''

 

  
''All titans are connected to the founding titan. That titan power has the ability to control other titans and to even control memories. That's all I know though.''

 

  
''I know but… You know for Eren?''

 

  
''I dreamt about it. Well, not exactly. Historia mentioned something about that titan to me once. But last night, Eren was part of my nightmare. I didn't give it a second thought at first because I thought it was simply my subconscious playing with my head since I pissed him off. I slept on that last night. But now... you're bringing it under another perspective. What I saw was the past. There was so many titans... so many screams and deaths. And I ended up running away... running away from her...'' Her last words were almost inaudible. And I knew at this moment, who she was talking about.

 

  
''Don’t you believe Historia hidden the Name of the progenitor of the Eldians from you because you own the same name as her? To prevent you to have any suspicions?''

 

  
''Crap. You might be right.''

 

  
''What if… Eren still has some power left in him? Or… then… maybe we all do? Is that even possible?''

 

  
''Dude. Stop that! It's going too far. I can’t believe that crap.''

 

  
''What if… Oh no.''

 

  
''Chill out! You're so pale.''

 

  
''I’m scared of what Eren is up to. I need to find him quickly!''

 

  
''But how?! You don’t even know where he is.''

 

  
''I don’t know. I just have to!''

 

  
''Armin!! I need to talk to you!'' A new voice was heard in the whistling summer wind, taking me totally off guard.

 

  
''Mikasa?! Since when you’re there?'' I said, turning around to face her. I didn't hear her coming.

 

  
''Sorry, Armin. I just wanted to protect both of you. I decided that it was the best thing to do. Please, don’t hate me.''

 

  
''What’s the matter?''

 

  
''It’s Eren… I think he stole the key.''

 

  
''But... I lost the key. It can’t be Eren— wait. So it was you?''

 

  
''Yes. I kept it with me the entire time. Sorry, Armin.''

 

  
''N—no. It’s okay. I don’t really mind it. It made me realize a couple of things. But what about Eren?''

 

  
''I find him weird when he came for his bag, this morning. And I was too sleepy to give it a second thought. But now the key is missing and I don't even know where he goes. He told me something else before he left but I can't remember. I fell asleep on it.''

 

  
''Why would he need the key?...''

 

  
''Had something happened last night that could have caused it?''

 

  
''Uhmm… well. I’m— We…''

 

  
''Oh my god!'' she exclaimed in surprise.

 

  
''I didn't say anything, yet.''

 

  
''Armin! Your neck!'' she said while reaching her hand to touch the mark on my skin.

 

  
''It’s ok!! I’m ok! Don’t worry.'' I assured her while stepping back a little.

 

  
''But you’re bruised…'' she added, worried.

 

  
''Oh, right. Mikasa doesn’t know yet. She fell asleep on the couch before Connie announced it. Haha! She was snoring so loud!''

 

  
''Shut up, Ymir!'' Mikasa snapped to her with unamused eyes. And then, in my own surprise, she unrolled her scarf around her neck before offering it to me. ''Take it!''

 

  
''N—no. I can’t accept. It’s yours.'' I know how that scarf means to Mikasa, I won't take it away from her just because Eren bit me. It sounds so weird... but it's the truth.

 

  
''Just take it! And I want you to come back to me.'' She said, giving me no choice but to wear it. She had already started to wrap the clothing around my neck and when she was done, a worried expression appeared on her face.

 

  
''Mikasa? I feel like you’re not telling me everything.''

 

  
She looked up at me and sighed deeply. ''This key… this key is keeping Eren alive, Armin.''

 

''WHAT?'' I became weak at the knees at that information traveling in my ears.

 

''You need to find him before he does something stupid! You know what he is capable of. Eren isn't the best at reflexion and I don’t want to witness this nightmare once again!''

 

  
''I’m confused?! Wha– how do you know that?! And why don't you come with me?'' I said while reaching for her hands.

 

  
''I told you a few days ago… I can feel things through this key. This object talked to me in its own way. And the reason I don't want to go is that it's not my battle, Armin. It's yours!''

 

  
''But… Mikasa...''

 

  
''I’m very attached to this object as I am with Eren. That’s really weird. Plus, since I wore it... I received answers. This key is definitively Eren’s soul. There's no doubt about it. You were right, Armin.''

 

  
''So, Eren’s soul still lives on. I think I’m starting to understand, Mikasa. You’re able to feel all of this because of your blood. You are an Ackerman. Titan’s blood is running through your veins. You can’t see nor dream of anything but… you feel it… that's so interesting.''

 

  
''Titans in my blood?''

 

  
''I remember, Mikasa. It's me.'' A weird emotion flashed in Mikasa's eyes when I said that. As if we knew what I meant. As if she woke up in turn under my touch. But I could perceive she was still unsure how to react. And she became really hard to read.

 

  
''...Did Eren remember everything, too?'' she half whispered.

 

  
''I guess he is. I haven’t talked to him since last night. He wrote me a letter this morning and the end of the message got me confused because only me could have known these words. There’s no way Eren could have found out this sentence randomly— Did he read my journal?!''

 

  
''Where did you hide it?''

 

  
''I buried it somewhere safe.''

 

  
''You sure?''

 

  
''Obviously... not anymore.''

 

  
''Sorry, to interrupt but… Eren is back.'' Ymir said, pointing in a particular direction behind Mikasa and me.

 

  
''Eren?!'' we both exclaimed in unison, relieved to see him standing there. And... he was indeed holding my journal in one hand, before hiding it behind his back. But it was too late if he wanted to hide it from me.

 

  
''Armin… can I talk to you?... In private?'' Eren's voice sounded nervous to my ears. It wasn't something someone not close to him would notice, but I know him too well to unnoticing the difference in his tone.

 

  
Eren was hiding a secret bigger than himself.

 

  
But, I didn't know the gravity of that yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some songs to accompany the story, if you want to check it out. They inspired me to write. :)
> 
> Armin's song of the day: Sanders Bohlke - The Weight of Us
> 
> Eremin song of the day: Heartbeats - Daniela Andrade x Dabin

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued...


End file.
